Thursday, March 1, 2012

One Sided Affair

As I was listening to this very romantic number of Ray Parker Jr's One Sided Love Affair it gave me the idea to write about affairs.  After some serious writings in the past couple of weeks, I though I write something in a humorous way. I wrote this entire post while listening to that song. A loveless story, if you will. I am not good at it but I will try. I hope you will enjoy it. Entertainment magazines, especially those from Hong Kong have full of them, some real and probably most made to believe. Magazines like these sells like hot cakes. Somehow people are always interested to know about affairs. Right? So read on.

Many of us have been into love relationships. But this loveless relationship or affair if you want to call it, is between me and Ms Kidney Cancer. This is a one of a kind relationship, one that I am sure none of you want to be in. Unlike high school dating, you get to see your prospective partner and also have a right to accept or reject the partner. Then you hold each others hand and the relationship develops. Somehow I found out I am an unwilling partner in this relationship and till today I still don't know when this relationship started. It is safe to say all relationships does not happen overnight but over time. She has been eying me probably for the last 15 years. What a fool I am not to notice her interest in me. There were signs like always thirsty, blood in urine, chronic fatigue among others.  Ms Cancer, as I call her even thought I am in relationship with her, I don't know her well. In fact I don't even like her let alone love. This is a dry relationship. I have no emotional attachment towards her. I only knew that she was with me when she pinched my right kidney and I urinated blood. I remember in high school, the girl will pinch you if you ignore her when she is with you. So by the time I discover I am in relationship with Ms Cancer, it was too late. She is a sticker, in fact she love me so much that you can find her presence not only in my kidney but in my lungs and bones too. Once she sticks to me, I found out that it was so difficult to get her out of my life.

For a relationship to flourish, the partners agrees to a set of terms and conditions. An equal partnership. But in this relationship, I have no say. For example, the food I eat, she takes all the nutrients and only allows me to do the dirty work like flushing out the feces. She make me want to eat ice cream but she steals all the glucose from me. I do all the hard work of digesting. Then she puts on weight and I lose weight in the process. As she become strong, I become weaker. So it's better I break off this relationship that is one sided. For that, I had to take medication to lose her because like the elephant glue, she has become stuck all over me. The doctors recommend that I have three choices. Surgery, quick way to thin her down and maybe chemotherapy and radiotherapy to get rid of her completely. These treatment got some serious side effects though and I may also die in the process.

When you are in a relationship, your partner always care for you. They don't take advantage of you. OK, some jerks do. With Ms Cancer, she always take advantage of me. For example, she is active at night while I want to sleep and heal. She would not let me rest. The more meat I take, the more nutrients she steal from me. She could not care less if I had any. If I don't eat, she will take from my savings bank, my muscles. To control me, she gives me much pain to remind me that she is in control much like spouse abuse. And she becomes so greedy, she wants to take over my body and consume me whole. Little does she knows that she can't have the cake and eat it too. But such is her character.

By the time I discovered the relationship, she has taken quite a lot of control over me. In Chinese, they say Queen's Control. Sigh. I cannot negotiate separation with her. She knows if I take convention medication, it's like going for broke too. But she forgot I got still some other tricks on my hand. I can use alternative medication that she is not aware of. She forgot, I can become vegetarian and she will have no food to eat. She likes acids bath but I can take alkaline foods to deny her beauty bath. I must admit I let her control me for so long unknowingly, now it's a little difficult on my part to wrest control back.  Still I will continue to push to terminate this one sided affair that has no benefit to me but she is not budging.

This relationship is still on going and work in progress. Rest assured I will kick Ms Cancer out of my life for good. I just cut some part of her in December and will be getting rid of her for good in Apr/May. Stay tune for the next episode of One Sided Affair - Part 2.


  1. Chang,

    This is a good anecdote, one sided love affair

    So your reflection tells you there were early sign Ms Cancer was interested in you, ah...

    Take k


  2. Chang

    Your this post just makes me laugh!!! Thanks...