Yesterday, I cough blood for almost 5 hours. And my cough frequency was about every 5 minutes. I though I must have lost a lot of blood and it looks like it's not stopping. Luckily, a timely text message arrived from a friend on some matter and in the process of exchanging messages over my smartphone, I forgot about my cough. I stopped coughing and so the blood stopped too. I also took some peppermint tea in the process. Anyhow, I am happy that it stopped. At the same time, I restrain myself from coughing afterwords. When nightfall came, I took another sleeping pill so that I would sleep and not worry about getting another cough. This morning I woke up and things seems to be back to normal. I did a light cough and this time, only small remnants of blood clots came out. This is the first time I have experienced this.
Every since I discovered that my cancer has spread to my bones and the upper part of my right lung, my confidence level has sank to the lowest depth, that of the time when I discovered my cancer. I have not confronted myself with these new developments. Actually, there are no reasons to try to extrapolate what the new development means. It's all negative and will not be helpful to me. Lost again as what to do. I stick to what I know best. Keep a positive attitude and guard my emotions. I am in a roller coaster, full of ups and down emotions in short period of time. Only that I don't know when the ride will end. I hope my body will not deteriorate further and now look forward to Germany in April/May 2012, my last hope. The more you hope the bigger the disappointment. But then I have nothing else but hope.