Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Morning After

My hypnotherapist texted me yesterday and told me that I should not have listened to my doctors about having only 6 months to live and do my PhD. To all cancer patients out there, DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE SO MANY MONTHS TO LIVE ONLY. Your doctor is not God. You can live much longer. I have. If you take the correct alternative therapy, you may even be cured. Anyway, my hypnotherapist has asked me to celebrate 11 September 2012 with her, my third anniversary since the discovery of my cancer. Oh Sure, I will be around then to celebrate life!

Yesterday, I cough blood for almost 5 hours. And my cough frequency was about every 5 minutes. I though I must have lost a lot of blood and it looks like it's not stopping. Luckily, a timely text message arrived from a friend on some matter and in the process of exchanging messages over my smartphone, I forgot about my cough. I stopped coughing and so the blood stopped too. I also took some peppermint tea in the process. Anyhow, I am happy that it stopped. At the same time, I restrain myself from coughing afterwords. When nightfall came, I took another sleeping pill so that I would sleep and not worry about getting another cough. This morning I woke up and things seems to be back to normal. I did a light cough and this time, only small remnants of blood clots came out. This is the first time I have experienced this.

Every since I discovered that my cancer has spread to my bones and the upper part of my right lung, my confidence level has sank to the lowest depth, that of the time when I discovered my cancer. I have not confronted myself with these new developments. Actually, there are no reasons to try to extrapolate what the new development means. It's all negative and will not be helpful to me. Lost again as what to do. I stick to what I know best. Keep a positive attitude and guard my emotions. I am in a roller coaster, full of ups and down emotions in short period of time. Only that I don't know when the ride will end. I hope my body will not deteriorate further and now look forward to Germany in April/May 2012, my last hope. The more you hope the bigger the disappointment. But then I have nothing else but hope.


  1. Hi Chang,

    You are back to your good positive self again. This further proved that being guarded and keeping a positive mental attitude is a very powerful therapy. Mindfulness as you know is a very important strategy. I hope with all our encouragement you can go a further mile. There is nothing much, I as a reader can do to help, but I try to give encouragement. Hope you don't get bored with my moral support.

    Take care.

  2. Chang,

    My prayers continue to go out to you. May you find healing and peace in all ways.


  3. Chang

    Give some thoughts to 'Upekha' or equanimity. Perhaps it can let you see the equilibrium you need amidst all these ups and downs.

    Liew Fook Seng

  4. I am not sure about what should I say...I came across your blog quite randomly...I guess patronising words are the last thing you need...Reading your words just made me realise how invincible a human mind could be...

    We do not know each other..guess its better this way..but I would love to take the privilege to dedicate you this song...

    Godspeed my friend...

  5. Hi Anonymous @ Mar 6, 2012 12:02 AM

    Thank you for visiting and for the song dedication.

    Many of the readers who read my blog were once strangers. Many of them emailed me and later we became friends.

    Well, it's up to you.

  6. dear sir,
    i have been a constant reader of your blog and i must say i admire your tenacity to cling on to your stant of cancer treatment. i have a friend who is blind and suffers from breast cancer which has matestacised to her lymfnodes and chest wall. i am blind myself and because of the security feature, has to get a friend to e-mail you on my behalf for the first time as i am unable to fill in the key words required before my e-mail can be sent off but my e-mail address is given.
    in your blogs, you spoke of a hospital in Bangkok that does hyperthermia and also of clinics in west Germany that heal cancer the alternative way. i would be most grateful if you could let me have the name and address of the hospital in Bangkok and also its contact number and e-mail address. i would also be most grateful if you could furnish me with clinics in Germany that offer alternative treatments namely, mistletoe, hyperthermia etc. you see, my cancer friend is also blind and doesn't earn more than 900 ringgit per month. please help her. here's thanking you in advance. regards, joseph 019-471,6397, 04-331,6397.