Friday, March 30, 2012

It's All In The Mind

My cough is getting worst. I am not sure if it's the orange I took but I feel a lot more phlegm around my throat area. Again I will trust my TCM pills to clear out the phlegm. I am  not feeling very positive this morning. Maybe the pain around my abdominal area has made it worst. I just don't feel like doing anything including talking. I just sat on the couch, holding a large pillow brooding again. My thoughts, like the monkey running around uncontrolled. One quick way of getting out of this hole is taking a pain killer. It does a wonderful job. No pain, the mind settles down. Mediation is my preferred tool to calm the mind and hence the pain or whatever negative emotions. The mind is the chief.

This morning I got up a little late. I did not hear the alarm bell ring. I was tired and wanted to sleep longer. It was drizzling when I woke up. The dark clouds and the rainy weather contributes to my depressive mood. When the rain stopped, I went out for short walk around the neighborhood. As I reached the junction of the main road, I could see streams of cars heading towards the highway. Everybody is rushing and seems to be going somewhere, for meeting, for work, for leisure or whatever. I have dropped out of the rat race. Life takes a leisurely turn notwithstanding my illness. I have all the time now to observe the flowers, the birds and the children playing around. What a difference it makes.

Since this is Qing Ming month, I will tell you some stories about a steel bridge. A short distance from my house, is a steel bridge that spans across the Kesas highway.  My youngest daughter uses the bridge quite a lot, especially after school. She told me many times that about 50m away from the bridge, she could see a young lady dressed in pink waiting along the highway around 6pm. But when I try to see, I could not see anything. My youngest daughter has this ability see the other side but it does not happen often. My mother's friend also uses the steel bridge. One afternoon, as she was crossing the bridge, she met an old lady friend and exchanged pleasantries. Later she told my mother about meeting this old friend. My mother told her that this old lady has passed away a few months ago. Since then many people are afraid to use the bridge. Why are people afraid?


  1. Chang, glad u sort of decided what is the next stage of therapy, so you hv faith in gerson, good la, nkp

  2. Moods - It is in my opinion that our moods varies each day, sometimes we feel positive, smile alot, even laugh....certain days it passes by even without a laugh, let alone a smile...certain days we seemed to be just so busy but we live life the same way day after day....certain days we feel sad, we think of people who have left us, of the situations, sometimes we can even imagine their faces...For me, the first thing, my father's smiling face while lying on the bed will come to my mind first, then my mom with her smile and then my step mom.

    Cough and orange, I personally experiences more agitating throats when I take oranges this days. So I avoid oranges totally but I do add lemon juice into my juicing on certain days.

    Yes, these days when I drive out to have breakfast with my daughter before she leaves for her work, I see people at the Kelana Jaya station. Everyone is in their own world with one goal - getting to work. Everyone have the same face, expressionless or otherwise, in anger. The way they drive is so dangerously ridiculous, their car is virtually dumped (not parked, dont think people knows what it is to park cars these days).
    Since stopping work in Nov 2012, I have no regrets. My priority now is to try to rebuild my health which I am laden with eczema over the last 5 years, recently on my fingers and as a woman, pre-menopausal problems.
    But I am enjoying myself taking care of my home which I virtually put it on lowest priority for many years, doing things for my girls, cooking...and starting to rebuild my contacts with school mates...spending more time with my sisters and younger brother. This CNY was exceptionally enjoyable!

    Trying to learn to enjoy LIFE...the real meaning of LIFE other than working and worrying about project problems....

    Thank you.