Thursday, September 30, 2010

Journeying Into Unfamiliar Territory

I slept so much better last night. The pain clock was not working and that's good. Last night when I woke up for my night urine, I felt my chest was being pressed a little. This may sound a little spooky, sometimes I sense a middle aged women watching me from the attached bathroom of my room during broad daylight when I am using my PC. In more than 11 years I stayed in the house, this is the first time I have sensed it. I have no cause to be afraid. Anyway I began chanting metta (loving kindness) yesterday and today the Jaya Mangala sutta (Victory stanzas) before I leave for Singapore.

There was a slight drizzle early in the morning and looks like there will be no qi gong class today. I took the opportunity to start my day earlier as I am rather busy today having to travel to Singapore in the afternoon.

The cough is showing up almost every morning and so far its a short cough. Phelgm is whitish and no traces of blood or clots.

My post will be short today and tomorrow I will be at the hospital early and followed by meeting some of my ex-colleagues in Singapore for a catch up before leaving for home. So I will most likely update later in the evening on the outcome of my meeting with the 3rd urologist.

Emotional Healing

According to John Mayer, emotions operates on the physical and psychological aspects of a person and dictates the thought, feeling and actions of a person. I have not been focusing on this aspect and now I think I should have a deeper look and should become part of my therapy and I must admit I need help to understand this aspect of myself. My wife and I are both more logical than emotional. As you would have noticed, my friend Christine has already started to help me out in this area. Earlier I had wanted to do a regressive therapy but after discussion with her through Skype, she think it would not help.

Mary Kurus asserts that people who ignore, dismiss, repress or just ventilate their emotions, are setting themselves up for physical illness, including cancer. This is because negative emotions trigger the body to release chemicals reactions that are different from chemical released when you feel positive emotions such as happy, content, loved and accepted.

It takes a lot of work to look at oneself and identify beliefs that are affecting my life in a negative manner. With a help from people who knows, it is not only better but faster and is the first step in identification and release of emotions.

Interestingly, the only person that can change me is me! But how can you change if you don't know what you need to change? Change is not necessarily bad and it is there to help me. The first step is to find someone you are comfortable with and open up. I find it easier this way and as the discussion takes places, more negative emotions are identified.

Of course, you cannot depend on people 100% of the time after all charity begins at home. I should help myself first before others can help me. For a start, I am reading Anthony Robbin's How To Master Your Emotions.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Leap Of Faith

I have not been able to fall asleep the whole of last week as my mind could not calm down. Always thinking... So most times, I only managed to sleep past 2am and have been missing a few qi gong classes to catch up some sleep. I will need more beauty sleep during daytime to catch up.

If what all my doctors say are true, then I am living on borrowed time. But it is my believe that I can change my destiny (will write about this in subsequent post), at least not submit my mind passively to the idea that the end is near thereby creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

To Do Or Not Do ? - Part 2
This time round, my brother Jon and eldest sister Mary came along. They had wanted to come and hear but I have warned them that they may not be able to handle what they hear. The last time my sister in law (brother's wife) came along, she was in tears. Such discussion with the doctors are frank and direct.

The 5th urologist stated by saying to make things clear, THERE IS NO CURE! Then he went on to say about patient leading quality of life which by that he meant for cases like mine, 6 months life is the max but if I take the drug Sutent, I could possible extend my life to 10 month. 4 months extension of 6 months is actually very good because life is precious. When I asked about the survival rate, he said ALL patients died. His best was the patient lived for 10 months. But doc, I am already living 13 months now and not on any conventional medicine. He explained that this could be due to the tumors growing slowly and there is no guarantee it will continue to stay that way. He did not acknowledge my alternative medicine treatement and instead gave me a lecture about clinical trials and how I am throwing my good money into the river.

Medically, there is only two conditions where he can consider surgery to remove the kidney. The first is that I am willing to go on the Sutent target therapy and the second is that for pallative reasons. Since I am currently showing no signs of any pain, he asked me why on earth would you want to touch it?

Not all news were bad though. I have three good news to share too. The doctor said that for all his years (20+) of experience, he had never seen the liver been invaded by the tumor because there is a fat layer that separates the liver. The second good news is that physical examination of my tumor mass, he said that my tumor is still movable, meaning it is still operable. Well the third is my consolation for he said the biggest tumor he ever removed was 25cm (mine was 15cm and still got room...).

I can tell that both my sister and brother was very sad and my sister was nearly in tears. I know my brother was interested in me doing the Sutent target therapy. After the consultation outside the doctor's room, I told my brother, if you had sent me to the Sutent therapy, I would not be taking to you now because their best record was 10 months. I have now lived longer than that.

My Therapies
I can tell you the most difficult when starting an alternative therapy is what therapy to take? There are hundreds of them out there, each claiming some successes and all have the followers. Since my doctors has no cure for me, my starting point was alternative medicine and a search on Google revealed millions of entries. Sigh...

Thanks to my sister and my ex colleague, Janice, I was given two books to read and it became clear that my immune system is my only best bet in beating this diease. So at the base of my understanding is that all the therapies I chose will be in compliance with this objective, strengthening the immune system. In addition, the therapy should be as complete as possible rather than best of the breed, meaning you do no do bit and pieces of each therapy. Granted what works for one may not be for another. Still some therapies have better outcomes and much more well documented.

If you have been following my blog for a while, you will know that I am taking a number of therapies together. They are all complimentary to each other and support the base objective. I follow them as complete as possible. My believe is that too many cooks spoil the soup, so I limit my therapies too.

Allways remember this: You most likely get only once chance to try! So make the best out of it and choose carefully!!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Clock Is Ticking

It was a little to early to claim a pain free day yesterday. After lunch, the side of my right upper thighs was swamped with light needle like pain and I had to use my hands to massage to get some relief. By 6pm, I had developed some minor gastric problem and after consuming Capsule A+B,it became worst. However, after dinner, the gastric pain subsided but there was some throbbing pain around the lower right rib area.

I spoke to the CA Care consultant, Khatijah at Subang Jaya Center and was told that one of the healing reaction is that the problem area would be painful and this should be considered as a positive development.

I have been coughing off and on but so far, the coughs are short and I don't think it will develop further.

To Do Or Not To Do ? - Part I
I will be meeting the 5th urologist today afternoon. Basically this meeting is to get an opinion from the urologist as to the viability of removing my right tumor kidney. Other areas covered includes the risk of the operation itself, the most likely type of proceudre that will be used, post operation and recovery issues. Earlier I wondered if I should find out from the urologist the survival rate of his patients after surgery with similar situation as me. I have pondered over it for a week, I think this is an important question and the information will be very useful for me to consider in the decision making.

Cancer Support
When I was first told of cancer, I was shocked but when the doctor told me that he has no cure for me, I was beyond shock. But soon the realities set in and while waiting for the rain to stop in one corner of the verendah, I broke down and sat there for two hours pondering what I should do. I wish sometimes at moments like this, there is a warm hand to hold, someone experiened to guide and provide support.

I had always wanted to have some form of cancer support group but as I found out, not many cancer patients are open to discuss their problems openly and possibly a one to one support would be more useful. It has been said, you don't need to become a millionaire before you can donate. Similarly I believe one need not need to be fully recovered to provide cancer support. So long as one has the capacity, one can reach out to these people to share their stories, stresses, worries and celebrations.

I have been fortunate up till now (and hopefully for a long time to come), my therapies have been quite effective and have been able to lead quite a normal life without any restriction of mobility. It is also on this basis that many of my friends saw it as an opportunity for me help out other junior (people who contacted cancer later than me) patients, to provide some form of encouragement and support. I am honoured that I am able to contribute and hopefully make a little difference in their lives.

So far I have had exchanges with six people and I will be meeting the 7th this Sunday. She has breast cancer and Ms Tai, my former colleague has asked me to see her. As a fellow cancer patient, this is the least I could do.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Life Is Good

When you wake up in the morning without any pain or rather pain is minimal, it makes you believe you are cleared of cancer. But such moments are not guaranteed for within seconds, pain would strike and my mood would immediately dip. So I bask in delight when such moments arrive for I do not know when it will show up again.

Life is good today (and hopefully more of such days days to come)!

My Failings
There are certain views that I hold closely to my heart and in the past I have commented and hold steadfast to these views which although may be of good intention but is actually my imposition of my views onto others. Upon reflection, it is my own failing to come to terms with my own fears that triggered the fatherly protective nature of myself to mask the fears by my imposition of what is right. Who am I to judge but for others to decide on their own what is good for himself/herself?

I am learning so that I can be of better service to myself and to others. Christine, again thank you for your feedback.

Friends
I have been blessed with very good friends, friends from since my childhood days, friends that I meet along the way and friends from my work association. They have really been wonderful and very supportive to me in a crisis time like this.

There is also another group, people I don't know, who took time to visit my blog. I want you to know that by just reading, it provides subtle but further encouragement for me. I am also grateful to some who shared their thoughts with me by leaving comments and emails to me.

Guys, thanks a million!

Of Religion
You would have noticed that I stayed away from this topic though I did say I am a Buddhist. Occasional I explained so that you understand where I am coming from but only for information.

Religion is a very personal matter and relationships are between the person and God. What is deemed acceptable or correct to one person may be different to another. Therfore I would like to leave it as it is.

I would like to thank those who offered to help me better understand their religion. I appreciate your good intention.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

It's Getting Better

I have been having a little sleep problems the last two days. The mind was very active and could not calm down and only managed to sleep possibly after 2am. Overall, I feel great and pain was minimal.

Getting Better
Yesterday I only did one morning enema as I wanted to allow the muscles around the anus to heal and so far so good. As I was doing the enema, my heart beat became a little irregular and started to slow down as if I am going into cardiac arrest.

All I could think about was how embarrasing it would have been when the ambulance arrived, the paramedics found a naked man lying in the toilet with a tube attached to the anus on one end and the other to a bucket laden with some brownish fluid. He must have been engaging in some self sexual gratifying experiment that led to the cardiac arrest. What was I thinking?

Fear
From Traditional Chinese Medicine's prespective, kidney cancer is associated with fear and my most recent fear happened in 2006 when I was nearly drowned in Pulau Redang on the 7th day of the 7th month (Ghost Festival) of the Chinese Lunar month. Call it coincidence or active spirits doing their bid, it was a horrifying moment for me. But tumors takes a long time to grow and I had to look back in time more. I have always been living in the past and the future, never the present in my pre-cancer days always thinking of this and that, preparing for the future. However, the cancer changed everything and I had time now to search and I found out that I had food insecurities and managed to trace it back to when I was 10 years old.

May 13, 1969 was a day many older Malaysians would remember and also a dark spot in Malaysian history for racial (Malay and Chinese) roits. I was 10 years old then and when the roiting broke out, 24 hours curfew was imposed. The area where I was living (Sentul Pasar) had quite a lot of fighting activities and as a result, one could hear occasional gun fire (possibly by the police/army). Food became scarce and we had to ration. We would mostly have rice porridge so that everyone could at least have a meal. My father was nearly shot when he broke curfew to go toilet. A few families would share a common toilet, which was about 30 meters from our house. There was period of time when fighting became intense, my parents moved us to a relative's house in downtown for a few days. I was traumatised by the events which would later shape my work ethics.

Unknown to me, I have developed this fear of insecurity of having not enough for survial. I spent many years focusing on earning as much as I could, moonlighting at night by writing business software applications, just to earn extra income. Another example, in 1983 together with my buddy TH Goh, we studied German and hatch a plan to "jump the plane" when we visited West Germany to work underground in Chinese restaurants. At that time, Malaysia was just slipping into recession. The plan fell through when we both secured better paying jobs in another financial institution towards the end of 1983. I also developed the habit of stocking some essentials in the house just in case. At times, I would role play in my mind what I would do if I had insufficient money after retirement and how I would live to stretch my savings to the fullest.

Thanks the Christine, she has help me to probe this aspects of my live and offered suggestions including a simple therapy to help me come to terms with this fear. I am now working on this area as I believe is also part of the equation that I had to resolve in my fight with cancer.

First Lesson Learned
I had wanted to read Foo Hee Boon's book Gifts of Life in one day, after all it was only 207pages. As I started reading, it became increasingly difficult. There is nothing wrong with my eyes but rather it became a bit intense for me. This book is a teary read for me and I am now only at page 45! For me, getting into role was very easy maybe because I am also a cancer patient. More than that, I felt I was experiencing first hand the events and naturally the tears started to roll. Considering he and his sister were adopted children, the family has unexceptional bonds and duty of care was incredible at the time of crisis, just exemplary.

He has said he was open to all forms of treatment and he did tried many treatments that came along which he felt was compatible. My impression is an act of desperation of wanting to grab any opportinity of any chance of cure. As a result he was travelling from place to place in search of a cure. He chose to do radiotherapy even though the doctors told him it would not cure and he did it for palliative purpose. Although some people (me included) consider radiotherapy is less harmful than chemotherapy, radiotherapy is actually more dangerous and unreversable as the radiation stays in the patients for life. I have changed my view after further reading. As a result, his body was severely weakened. He also tried many other complementary therapies which he feels are compatible but my observation is that it is bit and pieces of each therapy. For example, he follows the Gerson therapy loosely mainly focusing on the diet aspects and even that I think he was not very strict (also missing out the important supplements and detoxing aspects of the therapy and instead chose alternative detoxing methods). More therapies does not equal to effective outcomes rather to focus on some core therapies but as complete as possible.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Health Status @ 25 September 2010

New information are presented in italics.

Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.

Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.

Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.

My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.

Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:

a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment

MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.

a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.

b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.

c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Tongue showed slight white coating and leaves a bitter after taste. Increase frequency in night urine.

COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.

e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.

Health Status
Currently weighs 67.9kgs, a slight increase 0.2kg. During mid week, I lost further weight and frantically tried to gain back by eating more. My body feels good especially when the pain would disappear for awhile but only to return with a vengence. The pain is most pronounced in the morning, either by waking me up or immediately after I wake up. I wonder if this could be due to toxins accumulation during the night? For the last two months, I seems to have perpetual pain on my right thighs and the upper legs just below the buttocks. I have to do constant self massage to ease the pain and my fear is that this could be metastasis of the bones. If this really happens, then its game over.

The lymph node on my left collar bone so far is stable, the size has remain about the same size since discovery. However, it is cause me great discomfort and some pain around my neck and shoulder area. For the past week, I had a few bouts of coughs and hopefully it will not develop into full coughs. My throat is a little dry for the last few days and I think it's time to do the hydrogen peroxide ear cleansing again. I have reduced my enema to 1 time a day for the next coming week because I suspect I may have develop hernia. This is to allow the muscles around the anus to recover.


Verdict
An emotional week.

Friday, September 24, 2010

A New Style

Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with Christine at Freddie's place, the place where I normally get my organic supplies. I have not met for quite sometime. She loan me a book, Gifts of Life: Facing Cancer by Foo Hee Boon. She was not sure if I would read it because the author died in the process of his fight with cancer. I told her I am hungry for more of such books because I have no prior experience dealing with cancer and reading other people's books or blogs helps me to deal with cancer better. You be surprised how many did not learn from the first cancer experience only to face it again when it recurred, normally within 2-3 years later. She also commented that the way I write my blog looks more like reading a report. Yes, my earlier intention was just to report about my condition. But of late you would notice I have also started to write about the softer side of me, giving more intimate details of my emotions, worries and fears. Ok, a little humor would be even better.

Pain Pain Go Away
It's called cancer because it looked crab-like. I think another more appropriate word would be paincer, it about pain, pain and pain man. I have two alarm clocks, one my trusty old handphone which I set at 6am. The other, a free gift of the cancer, the pain clock because its ringing tone are stabbing pains. This morning the pain clock sprang to life at 5am waking me up in the process. Today the ringing tone was felt at shoulder blade area. Damn, no off switch! Fully automatic.

Coffee Enema
A little quiz. Sorry, no prizes for guessing correctly.

a. When you take coffee through your mouth, you inject toxins into your body.
b. When you take coffee through your anus, you release toxins from your body.

Question: Which is the more popular method of taking coffee?

I noticed a little pain around the right side of my anus around 8pm and this came after a few hours after the afternoon enema. It was a little painful inserting the tube when I did my night enema at around 10pm. I am worried that an infection may have caused it. It would affect me doing future enemas. As a precaution, I may reduce my enemas from 3 to 2 or even 1 a day to allow it to heal.

Going Singapore Next Week
My appointments with the doctors next week have been confirmed. Hopefully I can get more information on the surgery itself to help me come to a conclusion as to where I should proceed with the surgery.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Time Has Arrived

Yesterday was Mid-Autumn Festival, celebrated by the Chinese worldwide. Lanterns will be lit and mooncakes will be served. In addition there will also be a feast. My brother came over to my mother's place for dinner and soon we entered into the subject of kidney operation and we were discussing the various options and risk involved in the operation. I had to leave half-way during dinner as I need to go back home to do my night enema. My 2nd daughter (15 years old) joined me as she was not feeling well and wanted to go home to sleep. On the way back, my daughter asked if I was afraid of the operation. I told her I was not scared but dammed scared. This was the first time she brought up the subject. I looked straight as I drove, helding back my tears and explained to her what my options are. While my body seems to be responding to the herbs, the reality check is that the scan shows the tumor is growing. My oncologist says he can now feel the tumor mass on my abdomen and nowdays I don't sleep on my right side anymore because I can feel the tumor mass pressing against the body and makes me unconformtable and a little painful. If the tumor continues to grow inside, it could burst or make me bleed everyday and cause pain, all of which will be detrimental to my health.

As my 4th urologist puts it, if I do take this route, it would mean I am taking the aggressive approach. It would accelerate my death but not necessarily help me to live longer because there is still the metastasis lung cancer. Perhaps this is why I have been postponing my visit to the urologists and in yesterday's blog I had said I would meet them end of the month or early next month not being mindful that next week is already the end of the month. The time has come for me to face it. It would appear that I have not much choice in this matter. The choice that I have is whether I have to do a full surgery or hand assisted laparoscopic surgery, the latter being my choice as it is less risky/faster recovery. There are three outcomes from what the urologists said. The first outcome would be I don't survive the full surgery (2nd urologist). The second outcome is I survive the operation but still die within six months of surgery (4th urologist). The third outcome is that I survive much longer. This is my hope of course.

I have explained to my three daughters (14, 15 and 19 years old) about my sicknesses. They still see me alive and kicking and although they know I can go anytime, they really do not know the consequences until my physical departure. I have been explaining to them every now and then in the hope that if the day do come, it would be easier for them to take it. Of course I feel very sorry for my wife to be in this situation, having to take care of three growing girls without their father by their side.

I hope to meet the 5th urologist early next week and the 3rd urologist in Singapore at the end of next week. Call me superstitious or what, I will not engage the 2nd and 4th urologists. They have had bad experiences. I want to work with full confidence urologists because I need more than luck. If all set, then I hope to have the operation on the last week of November 2010. Even if the operation is a success, I still have a long way to go. I still got the metastastic nodules in the lungs to deal with. So far results on the lungs have been positive and it is on this note that I am taking this approach.

I was a bit emotional late last night. I broke down finally. Tears began rolling on my cheeks as I wrote this post. I wanted to capture my emotions and thoughts there and then as it happens and did not want to do it the next day because I know I would have written it differently. What words of comforts can a griefing father give to his daughters that he may not be there to attend their graduation, may not be there to give them away in marriage and may not be there to celebrate the birth of their child? As I turn my thoughts to my wife (she was fast asleep), more tears rolled. It's been a long time since I cried myself to sleep.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

When Will They Learn

Last night I did not sleep well. I was tossing and turning the whole night and only managed to fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning. As a result, I could not wake up on time this morning and had to skip my qi gong class as I was still very tired. It's one of those days where the mind could not settle down to rests. An extra hour of sleep helped somewhat and as the morning progressed, I felt much better.

Currently, the pain around my neck and shoulder area has eased somewhat but somehow I still have some pain on my buttocks, especially from long sitting sessions. But I am quite happy with my progress as the overall pain is minimal. I can still eat and sleep very well (well yesterday night was one exception), the body weight has stabilised. In view of the positive progress lately, I have somewhat deferred meeting my urologists to later this month or early next month. This would give me time to access the situation better. Even if I had to go through the surgery, it is important to ensure body is in good shape before the surgery. My urologist said that under open surgery, I will be in ICU for 1 week and that gives you an idea how risky and taxing the surgery would have on my body.

Yesterday I received an email from someone who after reading my blog decided to contact me. He offered to share his laparoscopic surgical experience with me for which I am thankful. He had Transitional Cell Corcinoma (TCC) on his right renal pelvis and had the tumor removed successfully by surgery. As it was at Stage 1, no metastasis tumor was found and he was decleared cured. In Dr Chris Teo's book, Cancer, Yet They Live!, Dr Teo wrote that many of his patients are recurring patients. The number recurring within 2-3 years are rather high and it is not surprising because removal of the tumnor by surgery is only dealing with the symptoms and not the root cause. Most often, the pancrease and the liver have already started to mulfunction and has allowed to cancer cells to grow. Without rehabilitating these organs and coupled with a change of diet, the chances of the cancer recurring is very high.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Mind Is The Chief!

I have been on this herbs therapy for almost a month now. I have said before the herbgs are helping and I think my body is gaining back some control after having lost it for the past few months. I feel very good, sometimes I think I am cancer free but that is wishful thinking, at least for now. One noticeable development is that my pain is not consistent now, meaning the pain comes but not on a continuous basis. The pain is more pronounced when I have completed drinking the herbs or Capsule A+B. There is always this heartburn feeling, compress chest or stomach churning sensation but after a while, it disappears. I also noticed my feet are now firmer, more muscles than before but somehow, my buttocks did not show any improvement. Most mornings now, I would feel very good after the morning enema. Smile and the world will smile back at you.

I have been receiving some encouraging support from my friends urging me to remain positive and cheerful. I believe, from my own experience, those are not enough. Even for a abled body person, do you feel cheerfule and positive everyday? Why not? So how does a cancer patient remains positive and cheerful everyday when an abled person is also not abled to do so? The difference lies in how the cancer patient think. First and foremost, is the believe that he/she wants to cure herself and that it is possible. From there starts the change process, not only in terms of thinking but also in terms of actions. Cancer patients knows, from what the doctors or at least in my case, the end is near. So the thought process would be what would you want to do with the remaining time that you have now? It is very easy to think the medication is the cure but it is not. Those things facilitate and enhance the curing process. For me, I am still living and able to wrtie this blog when I should have been gone long ago. Can you give me a one good reason why I should not feel cheerful and positive? Because my goal is focussed, well defined and measurable, it is easier for me to remain at this positive state than an abled bodied person.

Yesterday I received an email from a long lost ex-colleague which I have not met for many years. She was shocked to hear about my cancer and as usual offered words of encouragement. As I read the email further I could not help but to think is cancer so common now? She has asked to help one of her friend, a women in her early foties. She has cancer of the womb and despite taking the full course of chemotherapy, it has now spread to the bones. The doctors has recommended another round of chemotherapy. The husband has suggested to the wife to consider alternative therapies and my friend wants me to see her in person to explain to her about the alternative treatments I am doing. I have no problems with that and would gladly help another cancer patient. In helping her, I am also helping myself.

Monday, September 20, 2010

What A Morning!

This morning as usual, I went for my qi gong classes. After the main exercises, we then did some short exercises like wall squatting, waist twisting and body bending exercises. I did have some problems doing the wall squatting and waist twisting exercises, exercises that I had no problems doing three months back. My energy levels are still low. After a while of exercising, my knees feel weak and would start to shiver. However, my body still feels good and I have no mobility or other problems. The pain around my shoulder and neck, shoulder blade area, buttocks and thighs are still there but not strong enough to disturb my daily routine. I still refuse to take any form of pain killers.

Just about when I was to start writing the next paragraph, I received a call from my daughter. She was involved in a minor car accident. She could not stop on time and rammed into the car in front. The car in front sustain minor damage but my daughter's Proton Saga look really bad. She suffered a little pull on her right leg while trying to brake, otherwise she is Ok. The formalities at the police station and reporting to the insurance companies took sometime and most of my time was spent running between police stations. Why? Because the SS17 Police station does not have a traffic department and so we have to go to USJ8 to report so that they could issue a compound fine for causing an accident and most of the time is spent waiting. She is currently on probationary license. I am happy that she is all right and I think this is the price she has to pay before she becomes a more experience driver.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

More Aggressive Methods

I have been feeling quite good lately and yet I feel something is brewing inside my body. There are occasional pain here and there (especially around the kidney tumor area) and I do not know what to make of it. Someone once told me either it is improving or getting worst. Either way, I have done what I can for the body and I should not be unduly stressed by such developments. Yes, I have faith in the therapies that I am taking. Monitoring developments allows to tweak the therapies a little bit but sometimes the problem is much larger and needs more agressive treatment methods.

I have been mulling over this kidney removal operation for sometime now and I think I will now move into the next phase. I will be possibly visiting Singapore again sometime next week to get an opinion from my urologist about the possibility of hand assisted laparoscopic surgery. While the Singapore urologist is very optimistic about the surgery (the last time I met him), my concern is post surgery support. So I will talk to another urologist possibly at Subang Jaya Medical Center becase it is much nearer to where I live. Furthermore the costs in Singapore will be doubled that if done locally. It's not the local doctors are not good but slow or not so confident in adopting such surgical methods.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Health Status @ 18 September 2010

Just managed to get my Internet line back online! New information are presented in italics.

Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.

Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.

Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.

My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.

Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:

a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment

MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.

a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.

b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.

c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Tongue showed slight white coating and leaves a bitter after taste. Increase frequency in night urine.

COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.

e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.

Health Status
Currently weighs 67.7kgs, down 0.7kg from last week. My body feels good and so far I think the herbs are helping. Pain are still at the usual places namely below the shoulder blade, buttocks and thights. The pain at the lower waist seems to improved.

My appitite is very good and I get to pass bowel movement on most days in addition to the three enemas that I am doing. However, the development of the new ulcer underneath my tongue is making it difficulkt for me to eat. This is in addition to the two ulcers on my lips that I self created.


Verdict
Not a bad week.

Friday, September 17, 2010

My Internet Line Down

If you have been wondering what's happening to me the last two days, nothing actually. My Internet line is down and Telekom has yet to solve the problem. Looks like I will be down for a few more days. I managed to do this update at the free service provided at Old Town White Coffee.

Well I lost about 1kg in the past week and I am still wondering why. My body feels good and I think the herbs are helping. Anyway I am monitoring the situation and hopefully this is just a one off situation.

Thank you to those who called and SMSed me, especially to my friend from Saudi Arbia. I om OK and should remain so for the near future.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Removal Of Kidney (Nephrectomy)

This morning after I awoke, I felt really uncomfortable. My senses feel dull and the first thing that came to my mind was to quickly detox. However, I chose to go for my qi gong class first but halfway through my class, I decided to take leave from my teaches and headed for home. I need to detox quickly for I think that is the best option for me to get back to normalcy.

I have been researching more on laparoscopic surgery, also called minimally invasive surgery or keyhole surgery is a modern surgical technique in which operations in the abdomen such as removal of the kidney (nephrectomy). are performed through small incisions (usually 0.5–1.5 cm but can be 10cm) as compared to larger incisions needed in traditional surgical (usually 20cm) procedures. With the assistance of my sister, who spoke to another urologist (5th doctor) at a nearby hospital where I live, I got more information. Earlier I was given the impression by the 3rd urologist that he will try to perform the laparoscopic surgery and if it not possible, to convery to a full surgery. At that time, the size of my tumor was 14cm. However, this 5th urologist said larparoscopic surgery, the incision is performed on the back while normal surgery, the incision is in front. So it would not be possible to convert a laparsocopic surgery to a full sugery unless they have two incisions on the back and front of my abdomen. Furthermore, if the size of the tumor exceeds 5cm, it is too dangerous to be performing the laparoscopic surgery as the area around the kidney are mainly nerves and blood vessels. Below are the summary of what my urologists said:

1st Urologist
There is nothing I can do for you. Even if surgery is performed, as the cancer has spread to the lungs it would not help you.

2nd Urologist
The are indications that the tumor may have also invaded the liver. The surgery is going to be very risky as it may involve multiple organs and you may die at the operation table. Even if you survive, there may be post surgery complications and you may need to wear tubes.

3rd Urologist
Very optimistic that the surgery can be performed. If the liver is invaded, he will not touch it and only remove the kidney tumor. Will try laparscopic surgery and if not possible will convert to full surgery. Did not tell if incision was in front or back.

4th Urologist
Surgery can be perofmred but may not be useful. Most of his patients died within 6 months of surgery. Did not recommend for me to proceed, so did not explore anything further.

5th Urologist
Doctor has no benefit of viewing the CT scans as it was just a preliminary enquiry. Any tumor greater than 5cm is not recommended to perform laparoscopic surgery. Also, laparoscopic surgery's incision is performed on the back while full surgery's incision is in front, so it is not possible to convert the surgery halfway.

As you can see, there are variations in opinions and sometimes the doctor did not (purposely or otherwise) tell all. Perhaps it was my lack of understanding on this surgical technique not to ask the correct questions. This is why reading is so important, you just cannot rely 100% on your doctors. What I read from Wikipedia is that many other surgeons feel that since they will have to make a larger incision for specimen removal anyway, they might as well use this incision to have their hand in the operative field during the procedure to aid as a retractor, dissector, and to be able to feel differing tissue densities (palpate), as they would in open surgery. This technique is called hand-assist laparoscopy. Since they will still be working with scopes and other laparoscopic instruments, CO2 will have to be maintained in the patient's abdomen, so a device known as a hand access port (a sleeve with a seal that allows passage of the hand) must be used. Surgeons that choose this hand-assist technique feel it reduces operative time significantly vs. the straight laparoscopic approach, as well as providing them more options in dealing with unexpected adverse events (i.e. uncontrolled bleeding) that may otherwise require creating a much larger incision and converting to a fully open surgical procedure.

If you look at the diagram on the left, you will notice the incision is carried out on the back. Further reading of what Wikipedia have to say, I am wondering if the 5th urologist is also correct after all? Perhaps, it is the doctor's perogrative where the incision is to be made. This calls for more reading but at least now, I have a better feel and understadning of the subject matter and I can ask the correct questions when I meet the two doctors (3rd and 5th urologists) and I intend to use one of them should I go ahead with the surgery. Looks like hand-assisted laparoscopic surgey is a possibility and a good news for me. The only question is does he know that procedure?

Why am I so keen on laparoscopic surgery? The advantages includes reduced post operational pain due to smaller incisions and hemorrhaging, and shorter recovery time. Bearing in mind what the 4th urologist said, I stand a better chance as the body is not so weakened by the surgery.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Slowly And Hopefully Surely

Since I started taking the CA Care herbs, I have enjoyed ulcers free days but the last week or so, I had a self made ulcer on my upper lip. The ulcer came about when I bit my own lips while eating dinner. The area on the lips that was bitten started swelling and finally became an ulcer. Its very painful and it takes a longer time to heal than ordinary ulcers. Yesterday evening, I had a repeat. I bit my lower lips four times! After being bitten the first time, I had been careful and ate slowly but still it happened again. In Chinese medicine, when this happens, it is said the body is heaty and can be acquired from eating heaty foods but in my case, its termed as "false" heat. This arises from internally within the body due mainly from lack of sleep as I get up frequently to urinate. You know you are heaty when your lips are very dry, sometimes the lips sort of changes slightly darker in color and may look a little swelled. So when you are eating, the tongue sometimes comes into contact with the dry lips and the dry lips gets stuck with the wet tongue. As the tongue withdraws back into the mouth during the eating process, it brings the stucked lips within the path of the grinding teeth and that where the lips gets bitten. I learn this the hard way. The way to overcome this problem is to wet your lips before you start chewing.

I have been feeling quite good and I believe the herbs are assisting. The pain are now mainly on lower back area and I have been doing bending exercise to ease the pain. It does not interfere with my daily activities. Other than that, there are not much complaints. As usual, I need to rests a bit more.

Monday, September 13, 2010

A Tiring Weekend

I always like the EID holidays because the population in Klang Valley will fall by about 70% when most people will leave for their hometowns to celebrate the end of Ramadan. The streets will be clear and driving becomes stress free. Unfortunately for me, I had quite a tiring weekend as I attend to some unfinished business of triming the bushes. I have been putting this off for a while and I thought I still have the energy to do it. I took about 1 hour to complete it but by night fall I was physically tired. Next day, I had some aches here and there. Some of you may be wondering why I am doing all these when I could easily hired a handyman to do it? Yes I can but I want to maintain a normal lifestyle without the need to remind myself that I am sick. Having said that, I can't do everything myself and I don't. I will outsource when it is appropriate. At least I know where I stand now in terms of my energy levels and this gives a gause as to the progress of my therapies. My energy levels are definitely better when compared to the November - December 2009 period. A friend has been reminding me to rest more and she will probably send me another reminder after reading this post.

Since I started the CA Care therapy, there are some observations. After taking Capsule A+B, I get kind of heartburn feeling and it will ease as time progresses. Rodent Tuber which is found in Capsule A causes gastric problems. I noticed my enema discharge is more smelly and this is a good thing. I have also been having one regular bowel movement normally at early evening despite doing three enemas a day. This is also a good development. I have also experience two blood in urine episodes, the last one, I also had some mass discharge, not too sure if it blood clots or dead tissues. The good thing was that it was not accompanied with any pain but blood loss is not good. My weight has been stable for the last 9 months. Body wise I feel good, smiling and all charged up for another day.

In Oriental cultures the lifeforce of the Universe is considered to be a myterious kind of energy called Qi which some define as common energy source that helps to run and maintain our environment as well as our individual human systems. In Chinese Medicine, foods can be further broken down into four categories -- cold, cool, warm and hot. A modern classification has added a new group called neutral. It is desireable to manitain a big range of foods to ensures a healthy balance of cool, cold, neutral, warm and hot energies. The food chart below (source: The Practice of Shaitsu) shows some of the classification.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

366 Days And Counting

I start my first day of the second year in therapy with renewed confidence. There has been ups and downs throughout this period. I have received lots of encouragement and support via your emails, SMSs, phone calls and also messages left on my Facebook. Thank you all for being there for me during this difficult time of my life. Despite being busy with your own life, some of you have written to me to offer suggestions and to look at things from a different prespective. These are all very helpful because being so engrossed in the fight, I do find myself lost in the maze. Please continue to spare some of your freetime and share with me your thoughts.

I would like like to thank all of you for visiting this blog. I hope you find the information that I have written useful. It is my hope that by sharing, we can learn from each other in how to deal with this diease better. At least now, your source of information is not only your doctor.

The past one year has not been easy for me but I would say I am very happy with the outcome. Despite the presence of tumors at two of my major organs, the right kidney and the lungs, it is really not easy to maintain the body and not let it deteriorate. Overtime, the body becomes tired and the mind becomes stressed. Its a game of endurance. The enemy within has all the resources it needs and it takes at my expense. So far the strategy of starving the tumors has been somewhat effective; the tumors are under control or at least its growth is being made difficult. Hopefully, with the adding of a new TCM therapy would tip the scale in my favour. At least for now, my body tells me things are still the same if not slightly better.

The minds plays an important part in this fight and maintaining positive thoughts and attitude provide minimum sustenance. A friend reminded me self-love is also important. I thought narcism should be more damaging not just it is selfish but breeds greed. But she quickly corrected me and said here self-love is being compassionate to yourself, without any condition. This is an important ingredient to healing.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Health Status @ 11 September 2010

Today, I celebrate my first anniversary, 365 days after the discovery of the tumor and I am happy to be alive! New information are presented in italics.

Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.

Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.

Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.

My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.

Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:

a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment


MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.

a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.

b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.

c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Tongue showed slight white coating and leaves a bitter after taste. Increase frequency in night urine.

COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.

e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.

Health Status
Currently weighs 68.4kgs. Yesterday night about 11.45pm I experienced another blood in urine but it was not accompanied with any pain. I am not sure what to make of it and whether it has anything to do with the herbs that I am taking. Losing blood is not good and I may have to take yet another herb to help stop the blood in urine.

My appitite is good and the pain are at their usual spots but I did notice a little pain around the base of my ribs. As the pain on my buttocks are still about the same, I think things have more or less stabilised notwithstanding the blood in urine episodes.


Verdict
Still a good week.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Happy Holidays

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my muslim friends in Arabic

Eid ul-Fitr

a celebration to mark the end of Ramadan. Malaysia is one of the few countries in the world where you can experience different religious celebrations on a grand scale.

For the past two days in early evening I had bowel movements. I have been doing coffee enemas for the past 1 year at the rate of three and four times daily and under such conditions I did not have any bowel movements. There is not much opportunity because the feces comes out together with the enema solution. I think this is a good development as my body is slowly able take over back this function. I am not sure if this development was aided by the CA Care herbs.

Energy levels are still low. The legs feel a little weak, particularly felt when I get up from a sleep or after long rests on the bed. Yesterday I did a little more bending exercise when doing my qi gong. It was a little uncomfortable in the begining but as the exercise progressed, the pain eased. I think I just need to exercise a little but more.

I am monitoring the progress of my kidney tumor and also researching on my options because I will need to make a decision soon. Before making the decision, I will be meeting my urologist to get an opinion first.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Losing Control?

This morning in my qi gong class, I was having problems doing some of the exercises that I had no problems doing previously. Exercises that normally involves both legs are never a problem for me but today I felt the trembling of both my legs. It could not take the weight of my body when the body was bending backwards. The legs was shivering. My energy levels is really down and I think it started around July 2010 time. The back is also hurting so much so my body bending exercise was a pain in the back. I think this has all to do with the growth of my kidney tumor.

I am monitoring the situation and if the tumor turns more aggressive, then I may have to resort to more agressive treatment methods, one of which is surgery. I have talked about it in a few of my previous posts and the risk are indeed high. I am now researching about the surgery and also on the diet that I should be on post surgery.

As I come to complete one year of my therapies, I wish my condition on my kidney tumor, not just the lungs would improve much better but this was not the case. My homeopathy doctor now says that the medication is somewhat effective but unable to deal with the big tumor mass. It does not make much sense because the previous scans showed that the tumor was in control and it cannot all of a sudden lose control. The only thing that was changed was my diet and homeopathy does not have stringent dietary requirements and I could be even on an animal protein diet and not affect the outcome. But I was not and still the situation deteriorated. I am thinking of ceasing this therapy on completion of one year that is when I complete this round of medication.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Fight Continues

Yesterday a number of my friends contacted me after reading my blog wondering if everything was all right. The blood in urine was a one off case so far and I hope it will remain so. Other than that episode, everything appears normal. The growth in the kidney tumor is not good but at the moment it does not threatened my life as compared to the nodes in the lungs. My priority has always to get the lungs right and then deal with the kidney later on condition the kidney tumor does not grow too rapidly.

Surgically removing the kidney is the fastest way to deal with my problem but what if your doctor told you that most of them died within 6 months of operation, would you still consider doing it? The doctor also says everybody reacts differently and may have a different outcome. I am sure he told it to all his patients before the operation. Ultimately it is up to me. Some statistics.


























StageTumor size (cm)Extent of spread5-year survival rate (%)
I< 7 cmlimited to the kidney96
II> 7 cmlimited to the kidney82
IIIAny sizeinvades blood vessels and lymph nodes64
IVAny sizeinvades other organs like the lungs, liver and bone23

Source: The American Joint Committee on Cancer Staging System

I am looking for a doctor who can perform the laparoscopic surgery to remove the tumor as I believe my odds of surviving is higher with this procedure. The urologist in Singapore certainly can do but post surgery support would be a problem for me. I prefer to have one done near I live.

I have been on CA Care's herbs for about 11 days now and so far, I am not able to tell if it has helped or not. It's a little too early because TCM takes time to show results. I believe I would be able to tell in say two month's time when I do the blood tests.

In the quest to grain economic wealth, many Malaysians Chinese has somehow abandoned their traditional Asian values. Yesterday I while I was at the CA Care local center, I had a chat with one of the counsellors and she told of stories of how people just could not care for their parents and spouses. The children's job was just to sent their parents to the center and pay for the treatment. It's the parents job to treat themselves while everything else was not their concern. I just have this to say, how you treat your parents is how your children going to treat you. Cancer patients do need emotional support from their close ones, don't abandoned them in their hour of need.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Empty Chairs

Yesterday evening, after dinner at around 7.15pm, I urinated blood. The last time I had a little pinkish urine was in March 2010 but this time round, it was quite red. The only consolation is that it was not accompanied by pain. The last time when I had this red urine was the discovery of the kidney tumor and it was really painful so much so I need a jab to kill the pain. This is not a good sign and most likely associated with the growth of the tumor. So far, it only happened once. If it continues to persist, then I will have to visit the question of kidney removal surgery sooner that what I planned to. I also reported this matter to CA Care and they wants me to monitor the situation further and if necessary add another herb for blood in the urine to address the issue.

While I was doing my night enema yesterday, the right part of my abdomen was a little twitchy and luckily it was not accompanied by any pain. I am also wondering why all of a sudden things can suddenly turn this way? Anyhow I have not let this event consumed me. I am still very positive, at the very least my bodily functions all appears good especially on the lungs area. This morning I was awaken by the usual back pain between the shoulder blade area. The good news is that last night I slept well as my fear of an abdominal pain attack did not materialised.

This morning, my qi gong teacher who just came back from China having learned new exercises, taught us some new short exercises once of which will help me address the back pain. It involves the movements of the waist while in a sitting position. I tried it on for a short while before the drizzle came and dispersed the group. I am not too sure about this exercise because it does also involve the movements near the kidney tumor.

I have decided to amend the title of today's blog from "Bad Weather Forecasted" to Empty Chairs. This is a title of a song by Don Mclean and the lyrics does reflect my emotional mood this morning.

Monday, September 6, 2010

What Can It Be?

I stopped using Snake Plant leaves the whole of last week when I discovered that it really caused my lower back pain. The plant has a "cooling" effect that causes this problem and mainly affect older people (I did not have this problem when I was younger). After stopping, the pain disappeared and last Saturday I used it again and my back was hurting when Sunday came. I really had problems getting up from bed and also getting up from coffee enemas. I may have to find another herb to neutralise this "cooling" effect of this plant in order to continue.

Meanwhile, life continues. I started taking iron supplements because of blood loss in the urine. Based on my daily observation, I think the kidney tumor grew slightly and the blood loss started because prior to this, my urine has been quite clear except in the morning. My shoulder pain also started around July 2010 followed by the discovery of the lymph node on my left neck. Having looked back at the April-May 2010 period where I had stomach gases problem and I took mainly brown rice with pumpkin/sweet potatoes during this period. In the May-June period , I started taking some fruits that are sweeter, a big mistake on my part. Sometimes I wonder if these little changes can caused all this problems? Well the scans up to March 2010 showed the tumors were quite stable. Also when I first started Gerson Therapy, within a period of three weeks only, the kidney tumor actually shrank a little bit. At that time I was purely on the Gerson diet only. From April-August 2010, the kidney tumors grew a little bit, so something must have triggered it. Except for the changes to my diet that I mentioned, nothing changed.

Anyway, I have corrected my diet and also added a new TCM therapy. I will monitor the progress for the next 2 months and see what happens before deciding on the next course of action. My body feels good dispite some pain here and there at the regular places.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

To Do Or Not To Do Is The ?

Since my meeting with the oncologist in Singapore last Thursday, I am now face with the same question that I had 1 year ago, when the tumor was first detected. Should I remove the primary tumor site (i.e. kidney tumor)?

Pro Surgery Group
Both the oncologists (in Malaysia and Singapore) and the Singapore urologist said I should debulk. Debulking would ease must of the burden of the body and possibly allow me live a few months longer.

Others in this group include my brother, sister in law, her professors at the university and Dr. Rama (my homeopathy doctor from India).

Against Surgery Group
All my three Malaysian urologist said doing surgery does not help since the tumor has already spread extensively to the lungs. Furthermore, any lengthening in life would be offsetted by me having to spend a few months in bed recovering and I would not be so agile after the surgery. The quality of life would be bad.

Others in the group include my wife (not too keen) and local homeopathy practitioner.

My Take On This

Decision Taken During October 2009
The Malaysia urologist that is going to perform the surgery if I agreed (contrary to his recommendation) said most of his patients died within 6 months of surgery. I believe his patients are on normal diet. I had just started the Gerson Therapy and just within 3 weeks (before I started homeopathy therapy), another scan showed the tumor shrank a little bit, so I want to give the therapy a chance to work. So I did not go for the surgery.

Now (September 2010) With 1 Year Of Hindsight
CT Scans prior to 26 August 2010 showed that the tumors did not grow which was why I continued the therapies. However, the latest scan shows that the primary tumor site is slowly progressing and I am losing blood daily as my blood tests showed that RBC and iron count is below normal. There was also discovery of a new marble size lymph node on my left neck. Results of the lungs were more positive and showed some improvements, however within the groupings of smaller nodes, there are evidence that a few more nodes were growing bigger as compared with those that have shrunk in size.

Although I still feel good, the energy levels have gone down when compared to the earlier periods.

Possible Outcomes
  • Do not debulk and continue current therapies. Chances are that the primary tumor will deteriorate not necessary the same rate experienced earlier. There would be more blood losss and will need radiation to control the bleeding and stop the pain.

  • Do not debulk and continue with existing therapies plus the new Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) therapy. There is a possibility the situation may improve. If this option is taken, to monitor for say two months and then reaccess situation and go through this process again.

  • Debulk as recommended. Worst case scenario as predicted by doctor, life is lost within 6 months of surgery.

  • Debulk and continue with existing therapies. Since the therapy has shown some effectiveness on the lungs, debulking the primary site would increase the chances of recovery. This is on condition the body does not become too weak after surgery.

  • Debulk and take therapies recommended by oncologist. Statistically the outcome is not good. Those patients are on normal diet. However, would taking the Gerson diet improve the situation?

  • Others...

Other Factors
The oncologist has reminded me that every individual reacts different to the treatment even though on same condition. I believe this is so because there was also such cases of people in Gerson Therapy. My outcome would possibly be different from the others due to the following:
  • The other patients were not on Gerson diet like me;

  • Demonstrated 1 year of experience in controlling this diease and

  • The determination and the positive attitude to fight this diease.
So far, the outcome does not take costs, post operation support requirements and what diet I should be on for about two to three weeks after the operation into consideration.

I have read a number of books that said medications and the doctors are there to facilitate the healing process. Ultimately it is the individual that heal themselves.

It is on this basis I am quite keen to explore further but reserve judgement until possibly in October 2010 as I am timing for it to happen sometime in November during the school holidays. Meanwhile, it allows me to ponder more about this question and at the same time allow me to see some of the results of the TCM therapy.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Health Status @ 4 September 2010

New information are presented in italics.

Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.

Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.

Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.

My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.

MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.

a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.

b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.

c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A, 2 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Tongue showed slight white coating and leaves a bitter after taste. Increase frequency in night urine.

COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.

e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.

Health Status
Currently weighs 68kgs. With so much walking in Singapore I thought I would lose more weight. The pain around the back of the shoulder blade area still comes once in a while. The pain on my lower back, buttocks and thighs is a little better. However, I am still losing blood through my urine because when I was in Singapore where I did not drink any juices, my urine was a little red while back home, it's a little brownish.

I had a good rests while in Singapore because I suspended Gerson Therapy. Mainly ate rye bread, rye dumplings, oats and fruits. Only boiling of herbs in the morning. Appetite is still very good.


Verdict
Body still feels good and pian is at minimal (20%-20% of the scale).

Friday, September 3, 2010

Its Sunny In Singapore

I was awaken by the pain between my shoulder blade this morning. This is an old problem. Otherwise I have no other problems and symptoms as my oncologist would call it. One other thing I did not mention yesterday was that my oncologist told be to watch out for the lymph node on my neck. Apparently from the scans, he could see the node is quite close to the throat passage and should it grows, it may block part of the passageway. I may have difficulty in eating and he has asked me to be careful when eating especially if I feel something in the throat blocking the food.

I discussed with my sister in law on what the oncologist said and being an immunologist she does have quite a good understanding about cancer, having studied them in her work. Basically what is happening is a good sign because at least the tumors did not advance like it is supposed to. The disappearing of a few nodes and also some nodes going smaller means something in my therapies are working, otherwise you will not have this kind of result. I also know I did deviate a little on my diet sometime back when I was having some problems with stomach gases. While it my seems that what I took may seems immaterial, each individual (and the tumors) reacts differently, so it is better to be safe than sorry. I have corrected my diet and also stayed away from sweet fruits. Also with the addition of a new therapy, I will monitor my situation for progress and then see what next course of action I can take.

I will also get input from my homeopathy doctor this afternoon and see what are his recommendations. So far he has been telling me positive things but I am not sure those are fully reflected in the scans.

This trip to Singapore is a little tiring for me. I took two bags with me, one for my food and cloths and the other my 2.2kg Compaq notebook, the one that was struck by lightning some months back. During my last visit here, I was at Sim Lim Square, the IT happening place and I found out that they could repair notebook motherboards or replace them at very reasonable costs in just two hours. In Malaysia, the cost of replacement would have been at least RM1K (US$315) but over here, I could get it done for about RM400 (US$126). So I brought my notebook to be repaired because its only two years old and still very new. My shoulders hurts and its tiring to walk with such heavy loads but I am happy as I manage to salvage the notebook.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Battle 2012

I came back from the hospital about an hour ago. Took oats and rye bred for lunch and some fruits. Meanwhile I am also boiling my daily herbs for consumption. My meeting with the oncologist was good, tough the news he gave me at the end was not so good. He studied the CT scans in detailed so that he could see and compare the developments of the nodes in the lungs. Although the general conclusion from my radiologist is that things has improved but at the micro level, there seems to be contrasting developments. Yes, the bigger nodes seem a little smaller but some 4 small nodes may have disappeared. But for those nodes the are smaller, some of the nodes were seen improving, some stable and yet a few other seems to have grown. Normally they should all grow in tandem and not some grow and some don't. The oncologist say he can feel the tumor mass during physical examination since it has grown and actually I am losing a little blood daily through my urine. That' why my red blood count and iron is low. Overall impression given by my oncologist: slowly progressing.

My oncologist's recommendation is that I consider:

a. tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment

Tumor debulk has always been on my mind since I started this therapy but I am not sure if now is the correct time. I would want to see good progress on the lungs before the time is deemed suitable. Sutent is definitely out not just because I could not afford it financially (it's RM24K or US$7,6K per month, I need millions to survive a five year period) but also because of the low success rate although my oncologist say each individual responds differently. Interferon treatement is daily injection of some immune boosting medication into the skin and is less expensive costing around RM2.4K (US$760) per month depending on how many injections I need to administer. There are also side effects such as flu-like symptoms, psychiatric symptoms, insomnia and sleep disturbances and hair loss. He has asked me to seriously consider the options and let him know. He also warned me about homeopathy saying some of the medications used may actually enhance cancer development. He has no quarrel with Gerson Therapy.

I need to review and go back to the period of May 2010 onwards because that was I sense my body changes and also change my diet a bit. This is Battle 2012, meaning I need to do something to ensure that I can continue to have an opportunity to live through 2012. I have added a new therapy and is that enough? I have no answers now. Meanwhile I am taking iron supplements.

Despite the poor prognosis by my oncologist, I remain positive because I think what I have done to date is somewhat effective and need to finetune areas that I have lag. The fact that he has given me an open date for the next appointment of one year seems to suggest I still have time to make corrections. The load leading out of the tunnel suddenly seems so long again but I remain hopeful.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

What You Should Know About Detox

Much has been written about detoxing and you can Google and get millions of articles. So why am I writing another post on detox? In this post, I will bring your attention to an area which I think most promotors on the subject will assume you know but I think this is a risk area that you should be aware of.

Everyone has toxins in the body, it's a question of how much. Toxins can be organic or inorganic and normally enters through your body via food, water, or the environment like smoke, touch, etc. Toxins accumulates in your body when the body is not able to expell it sufficiently and some toxins actually get lodges in the cells, especially heavy metal toxins like mecury, lead and aluminium. Other toxins such as free radicals floats around your body and start damaging the cells as well.

To cut the story short, these toxins are not good and can lead to a host of health problems for you. So you need to get them out of the body. The food and the water you drink are some ways you can help the body to detox but most of these methods are not sufficient. The idea is that you need an external agent to be injected into your body to trigger the release of the toxins. There are so many to choose from, Ayuvedic methods, herbs and more modern methods like oral chelation to name a few. All these are designed to trigger the body to expell the toxins.

Well so far fine and good but have you considered what happens when these toxins are released into your body? Most of the promotors will assume that the various organs in your body will be able to handle the toxicity in your body. This assumption is valid if you are normally a healthy person but if you have some more serious and chronic diease, then taking this assumption can be dangerous. The toxins when released into your blood stream are even more dangerous then when they are lodged in the cells. Not only that, you body have to deal with so much toxins that has been release in one go. Yes, an abled body person can deal with this but what about those who are not? The people at highest risk are those who think they are healthy but actually they are not.

People with cancer, as Dr. Max Gerson has during his early days when he formulated his cancer therapy found that taking coffee enema is the safest way to help expell the toxins without killing the patient. He found it the hard way because he lost a few patients because the patient could not handlke the toxins in the body and confirmed it with an autopsy. This was before he introduced coffee enema to the patients.

So if you have a serious health condition (but not cancer) and you have taken some oral agent to help trigger the release of the toxins in your body, you now have a choice to make. Allow the body to manage the expelling of the toxins on its own or you can assist by say doing coffee enema to lighten the work of the liver. Remember, if cancer patiens can benefit and did not die from coffee enemas (I am a living proof and there are thousands more but please don't sue me), you may want to relook at how you want to expell your toxins from your body in your next detoxification excercise.

If Only I Knew

Someone asked me why I am taking an additional therapy? Based on the last scan, it appears that the nodes in my lungs have become smaller while at the same time the tumor on my right kidney has gotten a ligger bigger. It seems to me that my present therapies are more or less able to control the situation but not sufficient to deal with the tumors at two different organs effectively. Therefore I need to give the body a little more help. Selecting which additional therapy to take is also difficult because there are so many out there, each having their own success stories. For me, it must be able to blend with Gerson Therapy because that is my anchor therapy. I strongly believe the therapy works and I do have the past result to proof it but it is not enough, maybe due to the modified version that I am doing.

Anyway ever since I started the CA Care's Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the body seems to be responding. There are discomforts as I am experiencing now which is part of the healing crisis. Actually this is a good sign and TCM takes time. Much earlier, I have not considered TCM because the herbs makes great demands on my remaining kidney. But I have now reach a situation that he body needs additional help. This therapy only requires consumption of one herb per day (all together 4 herbs per day) which I think my kidney would be able to handle.

The pain is now more or less concentrated on my lower back and on the buttocks and thighs. The pain is most felt when I get up from bed during my night urine or in the mornings. I can still take the pain and have not relied on any pain tea or pain killer to ease the pain. I am managing the pain naturally, mainly through stretching and some self light massaging.

I will be leaving for Singapore after lunch today and will be back only late Friday evening. As I on the move in Singapore, I will try and give some updates if possible, especially on what my doctors has to say.