Eve of Anniversary

Four days ago, I received an email from Liz, another cancer friend who contacted me about taking a targeted therapy. Someone from Australia wanted to donate a box of Tarceva (RM9K) to someone needy and she was kind enough to think of me. I thank her for her kind gesture. Unfortunately, my doctor says my condition is too advance for any conventional therapy and it would be better for me not to do any treatment. It will be a  waste of money. So I wrote back to her to thank her for contacting me and it would be better if the drug is given to someone who will respond to the treatment.

Today is a special day for me because tomorrow, I will be celebrating my second anniversary since getting cancer. I never thought I will reach this milestone as none of the seven specialist doctors gave me a chance. You may think why seven doctors? That was because I consulted two oncologists (one from Singapore and one from Malaysia)  and 5 urologists. I was planning to go for radical nephrectomy and consulted three new urologists that had experience with the laparoscopic surgery procedure. But my tumor was too large for laparoscopic surgery,so I did not remove my tumor. But I had two very good urologists (one from Singapore and one from Malaysia). They advised me to continue to do whatever I am doing. Now, I have survived two years. Big deal for me because I was given six months to live. So happens, my anniversary also falls on September 11.

When I did not take conventional treatment, many thought I was crazy, trying to commit suicide. When I made that decision, I have not learned anything about alternative therapy. I was not even aware that Gerson therapy existed. Some may think I am reckless for making such a decision without information. Actually, I don't need to know about the alternatives therapies other than there are alternatives. This is because if I take conventional treatment, I am going to die, its only a question of how many more months. If I take alternative treatment, I have a chance of living longer than six months and maybe a cure. So the decision was really not difficult to take but many including some family members did not understand. Stage 4 kidney cancer still have no conventional cure to date.

So, I have been living on bonus time, very generously given to me. Should my therapy fails me in the future, I do not have any complaints and will gladly go. Despite my cancer, I am also blessed with achieving awareness, something I could not see in my cancer free days.  Many events (sad and happy) happened during this difficult time which I think will not happen if I did not have cancer. Nothing happens by accident. But will this cancer leave me? This fate has not been decided yet. There is no fate but what we walk.