Thursday, September 30, 2010

Journeying Into Unfamiliar Territory

I slept so much better last night. The pain clock was not working and that's good. Last night when I woke up for my night urine, I felt my chest was being pressed a little. This may sound a little spooky, sometimes I sense a middle aged women watching me from the attached bathroom of my room during broad daylight when I am using my PC. In more than 11 years I stayed in the house, this is the first time I have sensed it. I have no cause to be afraid. Anyway I began chanting metta (loving kindness) yesterday and today the Jaya Mangala sutta (Victory stanzas) before I leave for Singapore.

There was a slight drizzle early in the morning and looks like there will be no qi gong class today. I took the opportunity to start my day earlier as I am rather busy today having to travel to Singapore in the afternoon.

The cough is showing up almost every morning and so far its a short cough. Phelgm is whitish and no traces of blood or clots.

My post will be short today and tomorrow I will be at the hospital early and followed by meeting some of my ex-colleagues in Singapore for a catch up before leaving for home. So I will most likely update later in the evening on the outcome of my meeting with the 3rd urologist.

Emotional Healing

According to John Mayer, emotions operates on the physical and psychological aspects of a person and dictates the thought, feeling and actions of a person. I have not been focusing on this aspect and now I think I should have a deeper look and should become part of my therapy and I must admit I need help to understand this aspect of myself. My wife and I are both more logical than emotional. As you would have noticed, my friend Christine has already started to help me out in this area. Earlier I had wanted to do a regressive therapy but after discussion with her through Skype, she think it would not help.

Mary Kurus asserts that people who ignore, dismiss, repress or just ventilate their emotions, are setting themselves up for physical illness, including cancer. This is because negative emotions trigger the body to release chemicals reactions that are different from chemical released when you feel positive emotions such as happy, content, loved and accepted.

It takes a lot of work to look at oneself and identify beliefs that are affecting my life in a negative manner. With a help from people who knows, it is not only better but faster and is the first step in identification and release of emotions.

Interestingly, the only person that can change me is me! But how can you change if you don't know what you need to change? Change is not necessarily bad and it is there to help me. The first step is to find someone you are comfortable with and open up. I find it easier this way and as the discussion takes places, more negative emotions are identified.

Of course, you cannot depend on people 100% of the time after all charity begins at home. I should help myself first before others can help me. For a start, I am reading Anthony Robbin's How To Master Your Emotions.


  1. Chang,

    read all your recent posts, salute for your boldness to try new things, honesty in disclosing your fears, your fatherly tendency and kindness to help other cancer patients,

    lastly your preparedness to cure your own emotion...

    all the best, fr KOKPIEW

  2. Bro.Chang,
    Happy you can sleep well last night. Good you do the chanting as evil forces normally will try to overhelm you when you are down emotionally. Besides your sickness, this third force is the culprit that can pull down a person faster. Chinese believe that a person aura will be dim when he/she is down emotionally and there is when he/she can be easily posssesed. Keep up your chanting to keep your aura bright and to appease the evil force that lurk around you.

    I will also chant & radiate metta to you regularly to support you. By the way, if you can meditate, it is very good as it will calm you down and after that, radiate your loving kindness towards all living beings around you.

    Have a happy trip!

  3. Dear Chang,

    As we discussed, there are a number of ways to deal with unresolved emotions such as psychotherapy, energy work, regression etc. It really depends on what you are comfortable with. Whether or not you choose to work with a regression therapist depends on how far back you want to go. If you wish to work on issues in your present childhood, you may not need one. However,you can still try it out. You can consult people in these fields to better advise you..