Sunday, December 12, 2010

Morning Has Broken

When you wholeheartedly adopt a "with all your heart" attitude and go out with the positive principle, you can do incredible things.
Norman Vincent Peale

One of my failings is that sometimes I do not put in enough efforts or lack of follow up on a positive idea. Somehow I will have excuses for not doing it. I am aware of this condition yet I am procrastinating as if waiting for someone to knock my head to keep reminding me. I find this behaviour of mine disturbing. I have sometime here and I have been reflecting. I think I may have discovered the reason and I will have to work with my hypnotherapist on how to resolve this issue.

Despite being in this part of the world for for week now, I seems to have problems sleeping at night. This morning I woke up at 2.30am only after about 4 hours of sleep. I tried to sleep again but could not and it's 3.5 hrs away to morning. So I sat in meditation for about 30 minutes, then listened to my mp3 player for some soothing music to get in the mood to sleep. The problem is that I normally don't but by 5am, I would be very tired and then sleep again only to wake up 6am (6.30am on non castor oil enema days) to prepare for the day's activities. To catch up, I do sleep during the days but this has put me in a viscous cycle fo sleeping in the day and waking at night. Sigh...

I am not sure if the sleep is due the pain around my ribs and back area or not. I have been having these pains for about 2.5 days now and it really gets me into depressed moods. I normally retreat back to my room as I am normally in no mood for conversations. Yesterday afternoon was really bad and there was a juicing demonstration going on. I just felt nauseated and just could not wait for the demonstration to complete. I quickly went back to my room and rested. I felt so much better after the rests.

After a few days on interaction with the other patients, I can tell you that all of them are really scared and this place represents their last hope. All the smiles could not disguise their fear of death. One former patient just wanted to recover just after one month of treatment at the clinic. I wish this was possible but rebuilding the immune system takes time. More often than not, I think our fears normally have the better of us. Despite knowing that it is important to keep positive, why is it that we most often are unable to?

This morning, after breakfast, as usual I went for my morning injection. Today I had my first assisted injection. The nurse explained the place on the butt where the injection can be taken. He then took the needle and said to inject at right angle and before I knew it, the needle was sunked in. Then he asked me to take over and push the fluids in. Just before taking the needle out, to press the cotton against the butt before pulling the needle out. Not so bad actually. I think the difficult part for me is when sinking the needle in. Well, the nurse said I could practice on an orange. The doctor will be giving more instructions on tomorrow's lecture.

1 comment:

  1. Chang,

    most happy to see you are confirmed ok, within expected range, so u are on the right track, despite just from the book. So be positive with the doctors, nurse and not forget Charlotte herself you would recover faster.

    Losing sleep at night or sleeping more in the afternoon, let me tell you, it happened to me the last trip to North Carolina, so it is more of the biological clock and jet lag thingy, if it could do the same to me, just imagine why it would not affect you. Be positive. Let me remind you that phrase in yr blog, you 14 months experience gave the other patients there hope, so continue that.

    Believe adding a board to yr bed will help yr sleep too.

    Be strong my friend,