Monday, December 13, 2010

It Starts With A Dream

When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.
Albert Einstein

Yesterday, I had my first good sleep. I have been coughing for a while and the doctors here have put me on some natural remedies like peppermint tea with lemon and honey and inhalation of camomile tea vapour to help me clear my lungs. The breeze of the cold weather is not good for me and the doctors have ordered me to stay indoors in such situations. The other changes made were the change in the formulation of my coffee enema solution. I am now using 4oz of coffee, 8oz of camomile and 12oz of water as my enema solution. The coffee solution here is just too strong, possibly the culprit for keeping me awake in the night.

The sun was just bright this morning and the weather the warmest that I experienced since arriving here. The short walk at the beach was refreshing. The beach is littered with thousands of smooth beautiful pebbles. If this beach were in Malaysia, I am sure the pebbles would be gone overnight! There were a number of surfers waiting in the cold waters for the next 'perfect' wave to come but throughtout my short walk, I saw none. The waves height were about a meter or less. As I watched the waves pounded the beach in continuous cycle, it reminded me of my current journey. A continuous cycle of positive and negative thoughts that keep circulating in the mind. Disillutioned at times and yet on the horizon, a glimmer of hope awaits me. The only difference is that the waves that pounded the beach is consistent and regular. I think the key for me is determination.

As I was wondering around the beach, it occured to me that some of the things I started doing was fantasizing the results as I would like it to happen to me. Wishful thinking is a good start for me, for it got me going in the first place. Back in the reality would mean I would be so loigcal and miss out the alternatives which I so dearly needed. Sometimes I think I don't need to be logical, I just need to live and the rest would flow accordingly.


  1. My friend, let’s face it; life can often throw us its share of ups and downs, challenges, difficulties, depressed moments and struggles that can be frightening. These may cause us to respond like you did in those sleepless nights and sometimes uncontrolled thoughts.

    In real life, though many of us may be able to physically move around, we may live as though fear has the upper hand; keeping busy is just a fake way for us to confront and deal with the fragility and emptiness of human life. Unable to overcome this fear, we overcome it by fooling ourselves with other busy pursuits and material wants. Though we may develop coping mechanisms over time, or learn to hide the interior reactions caused by fear, inside, it can paralyze us and impede us from living our lives to the full and spending time with our loved ones.

    Many of us fear that we will not have enough money. We fear that we will fail at a job or career or on an exam or a performance appraisal. We fear that we will not be accepted. Then, as some grow older and have children, we fear the same things for each one of them. In return, we jeopardize our health and live life in slavery to unreasonable bosses, office politicking, etc. At the end of the day, our health suffers and before we know it, it’s too late.

    As a consequence, many succumb to depression, confusion, loss of hope, unable to garner strength, will power and support, they pass away. Few are lucky enough to even have a second chance, by virtue of the internal strength one has, to live life even richer and fuller, allowing the each remaining day to be an inspiration to others, giving others hope; the second wave, you say.

    By virtue of your spirituality, faith, trust and hope, my friend, death has lost its sting - despite the situation you are in, you never give up, you fight! You now have become free to do what matters. For many of us, seemingly healthy bodied, we forget that death is imminent for all of us, life passes away whether you are prepared or not.

    For some, death, comes suddenly, for others, with much suffering, whilst the rest do not even acknowledge that life is fragile – living, eating and spending as if there is always a tomorrow. This is the sad state of the world today; we become a slave to everything. We forget that we all live on borrowed time. We forget the origin of life, we forget the true purpose of life…until it is much too late.

    Instead of feeling discouraged, you must take pride that your past few months have been lived in a way that mattered most to you and your loved ones, you have loved, shared and gave hope to touch lives, gone beyond pain and found new strength for the rest of the journey. Deep down, I believe, you must have also examine your life and repented, your life has now turned around to be a light to others’ dark paths. be continued...

  2. .....

    It is not easy and no one knows it better than you. It is easy for others to offer words of comfort and positiveness, but no one is in your shoes. Through your blog, you have reached out to touch many hardened hearts. Many, today, live life for themselves without even touching a soul, for that matter their own.

    Cheer up, my friend, to die is part of every human life. You are writing a legacy each day as they come. I remember this poem I read, written by a Jewish lady, which relates to the ocean waves you reflected on…

    Ride the waves of life my friend
    Some high, some fierce, some with no end
    But you'll not be washed away by them
    If you can ride the waves of life my friend

    Weights may try to pull you down
    Emotions full of pain
    But hold on to a board
    And ride the waves my friend

    A board will keep you up above
    The water deep and mean
    And let you ride the waves of life
    Ride the waves with ease

    And what's the board, this heaven sent
    To hold on to in the sea?
    This board my friend is nothing new
    You had it all along with you

    But you have to know it's there before
    You can use its strength to hold and more
    The board my friend, is nothing new
    It's just the strength of the inner you

    So ride the waves of life my friend
    Ride the waves with ease
    Let the water splash your face
    Like grass sprinkled with dew
    For you can still keep the pace
    IF you hold on to the strength of the real you
    And ride the waves of life

    You do not need any hypnotherapist to treat you. Trust yourself, as you have for the past months. There will be dark nights but then, that will only enable the Light to shine even brighter into your life and in turn, you radiating it to shine upon others’ dark paths.

    At the end of the day, when everything is said and done, what is it that truly matters before we breathe our last? That is what you should be living for.

  3. I've often thought my own experience being diagnosed with cancer as if I was hit by a giant wave and knocked off my feet. I struggled for awhile in the strong currents, and finally regained my feet only to be knocked over by another wave. These waves are the waves of fear and anxiety that can overwhelm us. The good thing is that I seem to be learning how to body surf with the waves instead of letting them sweep over me. They still continue to come, maybe not as often, maybe not usually as big as the first one, but I know they will continue to come. I like the poem that the previous commenter posted. Ride the waves of life.

    Maybe your healing hasn't progressed exactly the way you want, but believe me that you have given a lot of hope and encouragement to others just by the fact that you are alive and living well.

    One of the worst parts of receiving a cancer diagnosis for me has been the feelings of existential loneliness of being cut off from the world of the "normal people" who take it for granted that they have a future. Through embarking on this journey and meeting people like you, I am believing more and more that a future isn't just a slim hope but is a real possibility. And meanwhile, I am enjoying a lifestyle that I know can bring a return to vibrant health. And I am grateful to pioneers who have blazed the trail before me. It gives me more courage.