Friday, December 31, 2010


My resolution for 2010 is to survive the year and I think I can safely say I have achieved it. For 2011, I had originally thought I would resolve the same for 2011 but have since decided not to make any resolution. It does not matter if I live for another month or another year, whatever, come with may. I would welcome each new day and live in the moment, something that I have been trying hard to learn to do.

Instead I would like to make some positive affirmations for 2011.
May there be no wars, famines, natural disasters and terrorism.
May there be sufficient food for everyone in the world.
May everyone be well and happy always.

I started the year 2010 with pessimism, with six doctors' words echoing in my mind that I will not survive. Though I have taken an alternative approach, I was actually preparing for my demise like funeral arrangements, etc. I was hoping not to move on during the Chinese New Year period in February 2010. This was a dark period of my life because I was not able to control my emotions well and suicidal thoughts also occured. But as the days moved on, my hopes grew. The period April to June 2010 was a time of confidence for me. My energy levels increased and body pain was at the minimum. During this period, I also experienced healing reactions but generally it was a good period of time. And during good times, time flies. However, during the third quarter of July to September 2010 things started to change for the worst. My scan results showed my tumors are slowing progressing and I was in urgent need for a therapy overhaul. I was left in my own mind games for most of the time, thinking what I can and should do. In was during this quarter that I started looking beyond the physical aspects of the therapy. Some changes that I made in the third quarter seems to help. My scan results in the fourth quarter, although showed mixed results, was a good result. By this time, I have learned not to react to scan results and just concentrate on whatever I can do, cumulating into my visit to the Gerson Clinic in Tijuana, Mexico in December 2010. I think going back to the basics when you lose your way can be helpful. Although the jury is still out there, I am now celeberating life each day as it comes. There is nothing to proof anyway.

I have always been inspired by John Lennon's song, Imagine which is also the title of today's post.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Goodbye 2010


  1. Chang,

    Happy New Year,
    Live in the moment, all of us should do so in fact


  2. Dear Friend,

    I sensed from your recent blogs the adjustments, frustrations and struggle within you. It is not easy to be in your shoes, having to find the strength to open and share your life with others. It can get lonely at times, you feel you are talking to yourself.

    To me, you have not been dis-abled by this cancer but rather, you have become differently-abled in this stage of your life; a side that you will never have discovered had you just breeze through your previous life with your worldly pursuits.

    By the grace of God, you have had this time and chance to change, renew relationships, re-prioritize and mend many broken bridges to make each day a little richer and your burden a little lighter. To prepare many things as you put it. Many do not get this chance to stare at death, many take life for granted until it is too late.

    Fear not, my brother, we all live on borrowed time. No matter the colour or religion, we all return to meet the Creator one day.

    Your life is now a testimony of hope to many who have yet to realize how fragile life can be and how precious each breath is, how warm each touch can be, how much joy a smile can bring.

    Coincidently, I have also chosen HOPE as a reflection in my blog as I approach another year. I just read a book by Henri Nouwen and would like to share with you a bit.

    “I see hope as an attitude where everything stays open before me. Not that I don’t think of my future in those moments, but I think of it in an entirely different way. Daring to stay open to whatever will come to me today, tomorrow, two months from now or a year from now - that is hope. To go fearlessly into things without knowing how they’ll turn out, to keep on going, even when something doesn’t work the first time, to have trust in whatever you’re doing - that is living with hope.

    The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands."

    It is not easy to live in the present; time seems to crawl. You need to take time to be still and simply be quiet; shut down your thoughts, they say. Our body is a gift of miracle and it hardly takes a rest - the thoughts are always there, playing truants, confusing us sometimes. Take time to not think of anything and rejuvenate your strength.

    Most of all, don't lose hope, you are in the good hands of a God who loves you abundantly, whether you know it or not. There is no need to "imagine" because there is truly a heaven and a hell...there is truly a God who created the beautiful you as a gift to many.

    Hang in there and savor each day as they come.

  3. Chang,

    It is ok to feel down at times. We are all humans after all. Just want to share with you that before my dad died of cancer years back, he was ever so serene and at peace - not wanting us to worry, to make it easier for us to let go. But then, I know that deep inside he suffers from much pain as the cancer was sudden. He spent much of his remaining months in prayer, scripture reading, reflection and through these he found much strength and hope. In those times, we can see the mercy of God at work. He passed on peacefully surrounded by loved ones in embrace, accompanied by much prayers. God cannot be more perfect.

    There is a passage in the Bible, a mother's reflection, which goes...

    "I do not know how you came into existence in my womb; it was not I who gave you the breath of life, nor was it I who set in order the elements of which each of you is composed.

    Therefore, since it is the Creator of the universe who shapes each man's beginning, as he brings about the origin of everything, he, in his mercy, will give you back both breath and life..." (3 Maccabees 7:22-23)

    Pray that you too will find much peace and forgiveness within your heart in the coming year and sustaining strength to receive the gifts each day brings.

    Mother Teresa once said, "Life is life, fight for it."

    With prayers,


  4. Dear CT

    Happy New Year to you. All my best wishes and love to you....