Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Straight From The Heart

Most of the materials that I write in my blog are just my daily journals of what I am going through and some other literature on alternative therapies. I noticed that when I write about emotions, especially dark ones, about life and death, the theme of religion often pop up. I would like to offer you an alternative view. Seek and you shall find. Today, I want to touch on the topic of emotions, an area that I am extremely uncomfortable but I realised that I can no longer avoid this topic when I had cancer. Bear in mind, I am no expert on this area and it's about my own realisation and also my observation about people around me.

It is very common for those with cancer to have a long-standing tendency to suppress "toxic emotions", particularly anger. Their inability to resolve deep-seated emotional problems and conflicts, usually beginning in childhood, often even being unaware of their presence. Over the past ten years, medical doctor / surgeon Ryke-Geerd Hamer has examined 20,000 cancer patients with all types of cancer. He noticed that all his cancer patients seemed to have something in common: there had been some kind of psycho emotional conflict prior to the onset of their disease - usually a few years before - a conflict that had never been fully resolved. Negative thoughts such as death wish are manifestations of some unresolved emotional issues. Unless, these issues are probed and resolved, a person will continue to repeat these cycle of thoughts. Becoming aware of it is the first step and it does not mean it will happen. We are brought up not to think about such things and over time it became a taboo.

I noticed that when I do write about something very dark, I will get some feedback from some of my friends and readers. I think at this juncture, I would like to clarify yesterday's post. I think by the reactions, I believe I have succeeded in bringing you into my shoes. I just like you to experience from my point of view what I am going through. Secondly, just because I write in a dark language, that does not mean I am losing hope or have become suicidal. On the contrary, I am aware that there are some negative emotions that are in me that I need to work on and release it. That's all. I may have dramatize it a bit but that is to get your attention. That you may have neglected your emotional well being.

My sifu has taught me well to probe and deal with such emotions. She said much of it are grounded in fear and could be attributed to the ways we were brought up. Many people refuse to acknowledge or may not be aware of such emotions and attribute it to somethings else. Often, such negative emotions are associated with parents, siblings, spouse and children. The mind fear the confrontation with close ones which it believes will lead to breakdown in relationships and hence the need to avoid dealing with it. You may think all these are mumbo-jumbo but you can read about it in Dr Hamer's German New Medicine or other emotional therapy books. A Google search with the words "cancer and emotion" showed 21,600,00 results! During my early cancer days, I would often feel depressed and cry but I don't know why. I was not in touch with my emotions. I can tell you over the last few months, I have successfully use this technique to release many of my negative emotions. I am much happier now but there are still a lot of work to be done.

This is one awakening I got from my cancer.

10 comments:

  1. Dear CT,
    you are a very courageous man to open up your heart to all of us. Keep it at it, its part of your healing. The most dangerous situation one can ever be is to deny your darkest feelings.In my own blog, I openly admitted that it seems I have Austic tendencies (the high-functioning Autism disorder called Asperger's syndrome), with much of my mother's frustration. I told her that this is probably the part of me that I have to openly admit so that I can manage myself and also help the people I love to understand me and for me to understand them too.

    My responses here (that touches on spirituality) are like fruits from a fruit bearing tree-- take it or leave it. (this applies to you and your readers). There is really no need to argue about it.

    regards,
    Lanie

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  2. additional thoughts, the reason why I said being open to your dark thoughts is part of healing is because it is part of acknowledging our unresolved conflicts... read your blog entry here
    http://upekah.blogspot.com/search/label/The%20Cancer%20Personality

    Breast (right) = conflict with partner
    (my mother had perpetual conflict with my father-- hence she was diagnosed with breast cancer)

    Kidney - not wanting to live
    Lungs -Fear of Dying or Suffocation, including Fear for Someone Else

    Gall bladder - rivalry conflict
    (I have had frequent rivalry conflict with my brother and gall bladder attacks too)

    the same pattern was repeated to me by our holistic dentist.. I was quite skeptic about this at first but after seeing some patterns, I do believe that this is not just mumbo jumbo but there is really some correlation between our emotions and our diseases... can it also be possible that our emotions are also tied to our spirituality?

    regards,
    Lanie

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  3. Dear Lanie,

    What about cancer patients who are atheist? Just met a couple last week. Then again, to me spirituality covers more than just religion.

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  4. Dear CT,
    Glad you asked. Let me ask you a question instead. Why do aetheist call themselves as such? All of us have our own levels of spirituality whether we admit it or not. The wind blows without you seeing it. You believe that there are billions and thrillions of stars in the universe without you seeing all of those stars. I agree thats why, I do not want to be labeled religious-- because religious people are tied those who are tied to rituals or traditions.. spirituality is different from religion.

    regards,
    Lanie

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  5. or put it this way, if you do not know you have cancer, it will not change the fact that you have cancer. But you probably believe that you dont, because you dont know.

    I also believe that aetheists though they reject the idea of deities (presence of God/Gods), can also be religious (tied to rituals or traditions) and may also be spiritual.

    regards,
    Lanie

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  6. you know CT, I was born into a "Christian" family and believe me I have to doubt Christianity and disown it including my family and also claimed that I am an aetheist. If there were no God, there would be no atheists," said G. K. Chesterton. My own period of doubt came not because the idea of God or miracles seemed wrong, but because God himself wronged me. That's how I saw it, at least. Though atheists may argue that the existence of a supreme being is impossible, their arguments often reveal a belief that God just doesn't behave as they think he should.

    Aetheists can be highly moral being-- someone who always seeks for truth and hope.. and I do have certain affinity for them than the rest of self-proclaiming, Bible thumping religious people...they seek for a perfect relationship and since they cannot find it even in a Church setting, they turn to God and say "you dont exist".. but the fact that they are trying to be good people inspite of their disbelief, made me believe all the more that our conscience (that part of our being that motivates us to do good, despite of everything)-- is the "spirit" talking to a higher Being and vice versa You can believe it or not, but it does not change that fact. Our unresolved conflicts is part of our yearning for that perfect relationship that seems to be unreachable..

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  7. My personal take is Stress has something to do with cancer. It can be everyday pressure or some dark hidden self inflicted stress that lies within oneself. It can be developed over years and years of peer pressure unknowingly that it starts to manifest itself to influence one's character. Having said that, letting go is easier said than done. It is not like smoking where there's a physical attachment. Letting go of stress is very emotional and you can wake up at 2 am and stare at the drak ceiling of your room and you are helpless about it. The thoughts keep churning in yr head although you wanted to sleep.

    Just my 2 sen worth.

    Remen

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  8. Dear Remen,

    I agree with you. And because it is not physical, it is so much easier to avoid it, to deny it and to hide itfrom even ourselves. That's why its called 'darkness'. We can only point out but if the person is not ready to accept our feedback, then we can't help shine a light on the darkness.
    Much of this denial has to do with the need to protect the ego. It is not so simple yet I have seen people confront their demons very well.

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  9. I believe the word "Ego" is not appropriate here. Egoism only happens when one try to impose his ideas onto oneself or others while shunning others.

    CT is facing a life and death situation and he is trying to be as simplistic as possible to overcome his health problems and only he knows best of his body. He has been trying to treat his body in anyway he can but he is very careful in choosing his way of treatment.

    Remen

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  10. Dear Remen,

    The word ego encompasses alot more in psychological terms than what you described.

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