Long And Winding Night

Good morning! It's going to be 6am soon. My sleeping problems somehow seems to take a different form each night. I have never been in such situation before and I am wondering when will it ever end. Yesterday, my problem was coughing. I have been coughing unusually more towards the night. As I lie down, I cough. First the phlegm were whitish but by 3am, it started turning red, with traces of fresh blood. I tried the camomile + honey remedy but it did not work. Later my mother applied the Chinese medicated "Wind" oil and it seems to get better for a while. So all these coughing kept me awake, I did not sleep at all last night. I was also munching the whole night.

My shoulders and neck area are turning stiffed. I feel weak at my feet and also pair of hands. I really don't know what I am going through now, whether things are turning for the worst or some form of healing reaction. But I do know not being able to sleep is really bad and I may have to resort to sleeping pills for short term relief. One possibility has to do with Sabah Snake Grass (SSG). The herbs are known to be cooling and the frequent spitting out of whitish phlegm in TCM could be diagnosed as the body not able to withstand the coolness of the herb. Perhaps my body constituency makes me not suitable to take this herb. I will have to check with my sister's friend in Johore who is also a TCM practitioner for some ideas. Earlier, I have been warned that people with lung tumors may experience nausea and in my case, possibly the problems that I am now facing. If this is just a healing reaction, then I must find ways to overcome the reactions because ultimately if it disturbs my sleep, then this remedy may also be doing me harm in the long run for the body will deteriorate overtime without adequate rests. Remember primum non nocere (first do no harm)?

I tried to sleep by sitting down but it also did not help due to the constant coughing. During the wee hours while watching the TV, a thought occurred to me. For the last 21 months, I have seen more late stage 4 cancer patients than in my last 50 years. I have no problems meeting and talking with such people. When we meet, we seems to connect very quickly as if we are connected online to part of a cancer network. There is no need to explain about a pain or feelings. When a patient recovers, I feel extremely happy and when a patients moves on, I feel sad on hearing the news but at the same time feel happy for the patient for he or she is finally free of the ravages of cancer. Is it normal to feel this way and being insensitive? Perhaps this is just a reflection of my own situation.