Flashback: First Twelve Months (Part 2)

Today I begin my 18th month in therapy. I believe more excitements awaits me along the journey. There is only one way, forward!

The First 60 days (cont...)
The Gerson book recommended the Norwalk juicer but I could not find a distributor in Malaysia. Subsequently I found the Greenpower juicer and settled for that. I was also not sure if I could sustain on the Gerson diet of no salt, no sugar, no oil and low protein diet. Meanwhile, I found a MLM company that sells some of the Gerson supplements and the enema set.

October 2009 was a very difficult month for me. I had just started on the Gerson diet but found the enema difficult to do. I just could not bring myself insert a tube into my anus. I really struggled for a few days before I finally found the courage to do it. I had very little problem drinking the juices except that the green juices. The lunch and dinner was almost impossible to eat. I can take without sugar and oil but no salt? It's like eating grass. Every mouthful was a drag but I told myself I got no choice. To make the transition easier, I ate apple and guava alongside. Of course, it was slightly easier to eat after that. I ate as much as I could but meanwhile, I continue to loose weight. I was beginning to lose some hope and thought to myself, perhaps the end is near.

I happened to watch the movie The Bucket List. It was a timely watch as I learned how two men (played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) cope with cancer. I also drew my own bucket list. But I had only a few items on my list to do given so short time left and they are:
1. To take a pilgrimage trip to India and Nepal.
2. Visit Tibet (including Everest Base camp) and
3. Take a journey along the Silk Road

My body was deteriorating by the day. At this time, what my doctors said to me echoed through my mind. Take care of your personal affairs, travel to any place you want to visit and eat whatever food your heart desires and then prepare to move on. Don't worry, I have all the medications to help you manage the pain. I was in a very pathetic situation.

I thought to myself, luckily I took the Hangzhou trip as some of my friends was not sure if I should go. The trip was difficult for me because I had to endure some needle like pain all over my ribs. Although my doctor had prescribed some pain killers, I did not take any of them. I booked a hotel that was close to West Lake, about 15 minutes walk. I thought, this could be my last trip, so may as well enjoy. I left my cancer back home. Together with my wife, we explored parts of Hangzhou. We spent a lot of time walking and eating all over the place, basically where locals would eat. Although I can speak Mandarin, I could only read and write a little. So it was quite fun looking for food, taking public transport and finding places to visit. We did not take any taxi but instead preferred to travel by bus after reading many tourists were fleeced by taxi touts. After one day of fumbling, we finally managed to understand the bus system. We visited many of the tourist spots along or surrounding West Lake. It was really tiring for me and by the end of the third day of the five day trip, my legs was aching.

By now I think I have lost another 3kgs and I cannot sit on hard surfaces. Even sitting on soft cushion becomes painful. I thought I should go for my pilgrimage trip while I can still walk and planned the trip to happen in early December 2009. My family members were worried about the diet I was taking as I had become quite thin and suggested that I should consider removing the kidney tumor. I was not too keen because all my urologist's patients died within 6 months of operation. Why spent two months on bed recovering if I am going to die anyway? May as well utilise the time and spent with my family members and travel a little while I still can.

November and December 2009
By November my weight has stabilised somewhat but I was still very weak. I could not walk for long and was worried if I can sustain for 9 days of the pilgrimage trip. There will be so much walking and carrying my backpack. It's almost three months and I still have not told my parents. Earlier I told them I got to stop work because during a medical checkup, the doctors discovered a growth on my right kidney. During this period, I slowly talk to them about the subject of cancer and finally I decided to tell. My mother took it badly blaming herself for the food she cooked that caused me to have cancer. I told her if that's the case, then it would be likely my brother and sisters would also be having cancer. But they did not. So it has nothing to do with the food made by her. I explained to her from the Buddhist point, that part of it is due to my own past karma.

Based on the trip plan made by a friend, my whole family (wife and three kids) went for a pilgrimage to India and Nepal backpacking style. It was really fun and I did not experience any problems. I suspended Gerson therapy and went on normal vegetarian food. The food, although simple was really good. The temples were awesome and inspiring. I really like India and vowed to make future visits if I have the opportunity.

My wife took a different view of my cancer. She felt that my life sustaining karma will not be ending so soon. She also thought that by helping me, my condition would deteriorate as I would become too dependent and lose hope. So I ended up most of the time supporting myself. My mother offered to help me prepare lunch and dinner.

To be continued...