Monday, October 25, 2010

Saving Myself

As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.

The above positive quote was given to me by my hypnotherapist, Dr Chong. She has been sending me positive quotes regularly.

Singing The Blues
Today I was feeling blue for the whole day. After my qi gong exercise on my way back home I felt a little sad. I was thinking about this stage 4 cancer lady that I met together with a friend last Saturday. She is obviously in bad mental condition and when I asked her how she felt, before she could answer, I quickly rushed to hold her hand tightly because I could tell she is going to cry. She starred deep into my eyes and I could see the fear and despair. At that moment I was momentarily lost for words and what I saw was a reflection of myself. Despite being 14 months into the therapy, I am no better off than in the begining. She said she wants to give up and I was about to break down too because I too did entertain such thoughts, yes even 14 months into the therapy. Deep inside, we live day by day in fear of suffering and of dying. No wonder Dr Chong tried to instill confidence in me during the hypnosis.

Reaching Out...Saving Myself
Some people do not understand why despite my condition and the need to rests, I still reach out to people. I have been through very painful times and I do not want anyone to go through what I have been through if I can help it. Why not wait till I recovered? Well that day may never come. My future is now, what I can do at this moment.

I may not be well but when comparied to the other person, I am still able to help and the pain from observing or not trying would even be more painful. I am not trying to portray any heroic deeds or saint like qualities for I am not. For as long as I am alive, I will continue to reach out, because you would feel it too if you were there watching. Perhaps I am saving myself too. Somehow as a cancer patient myself, I can connect to them easier.

Despite feel sad, I did find solace. Christine loaned me her Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life last Saturday. As I turn the pages to find comfort, I found some hand written words on the dedication page, as if written for me. I asked her for permission to use it and she said she wrote it as a guide to remind herself daily. Beautifully written, I would like to share what she wrote.

Live today like you are someone special because you are.
Live today like you are created for success and fulfillment, because you are
Live today as if a world of opportinuty were stretched out in front of you because it is.

As you go through this day, keep in mind that every thought, every feeling, every sight and sound is truly miraculous because your are alive and able to preceive it.
Gaze in awe at the vastness of possibilities which are yours to choose and follow.

Live today as it what you become is more important that what you have because,it is.
Live each moment of this day fully mindful of the miraculous reality of your existence.

Transcend the disappointments, because you can.
View the problems as opportunities, because they are.
Live with purpose, focus and joy because it is who you really are.

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