Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Doing My Very Best

Realize you are responsible for your life. The decisions, the choices you make are yours. Don't blame others for things not working out, take responsibility, change the things that need changing.
Author Unknown

This morning's quote was to remind me, to take charge of my life, take responsibility and change things that need changing. It's not going to be easy but now that I still have the chance, I just gotta to do it.

Today, I will be seeing my GP to get my blood test done, to include some of the tests that Gerson Clinic wants. I realised my last blood test is out of date as I was about to submit my application. Hopefully, I can submit my application tomorrow, which by the way is through the use of fax rather than email.

Continuing The Blues
I did not sleep very well last night, I just closed my eyes and try to get whatever sleep I could get. My heart beat was not just irregular, it was beating slowing and sort of pounding and I was breathing heavily. I also had heartburn that made it worst.

This morning, I woke up I was still feeling blue. There was slight pain around my chest area and I was also feeling some pain around my back, from shoulder blade areas down to the waist. The chest area feels a little congested. I also develop coughs this morning, though no signs of blood clots in the phelgm.

I am continuing to lose blood through my urine, small amount every day. I know because sometimes I feel faint like spells, especially when I am doing qi gong. Of course, I have to be more careful now when driving so as not to make a nuisance of myself and to others while on the road.

Those Were The Days
Two weeks ago, I was at the Genting, Arena of Stars to watch Lobo: Live in Concert 2010. This is the second time I have been to Lobo's concert.

I have been a fan of Lobo since I was about 13 year boy old then. I remember in those days, the house where I was staying does not have electricity nor pipe water. We use kerosene lamps and well water for our needs. My neighbour, SW who is the same age with me also happens to like Lobo. So I would encourage him to go to the record shop to buy the LP and we would listen together in his house. This was the only way I could get a dose of Lobo.

About this time, my brother bought a China made guitar, a Kapok brand that costs 28 bucks but he did not play it. He was busy with his studies and I was busy fiddling with the guitar. In the end, he scored straight As and I scratched the guitar! I did learn playing the guitar but unfortunately, I did not play the instrument that well. It's only now, after 35 years later, I am learning to play the scales. Well better late than never.

The guitar has been a very good compaion to me during my teenage days. It does not complain and only listen to my singing, even if out of tune. It gives me soothing music on my lonely days, what a friend to have on a cold and lonely night (last line from John Denver's This Old Guitar).


  1. Hi Chang,
    This is Bee Tin. I had been a follower of your blog because...I just could not post comments successfully. I hope this time it is successfully posted. If not, I will be calling you this evening. :)

    Hey friend, just to let you know your blues is greatly felt. Don't know how I can help effectively. Maybe I was down with illness past few days thus my energy and support given to you daily was not enough. So friend, remember how I look when I smile???? EEEEE can see teeth and no eyes.... smile and the world with smile with you.
    You are doing fine so far. I am giving you a blue ribbon for you had taught me well.
    Hang in there my friend.

  2. Dear Bee Tin,


    Well, you get this of me all the time, some days up and some days down. Since I got cancer, bloody moody. Its a state of mind when I write not reflective on my will to live. Still I smile on 99% of the time. The feeling that this moment I am alive is more than I can ask for.

    Yes, I can visualise your smile, even our time together during breakfast and lunches. Preparing those papers/presentations to convince you know who. It's been my pleasure working with you too.

  3. Hi Chang

    Same as Bee Tin, I have been trying to post some comments in your blog but failed. Since she was successful and taught me the way, I am trying now and hope it is ok.

    I read about the stage 4 cancer patient and I believe you are referring to my neighbour. After reading it, I felt sad that her condition is not improving. I was more sad after reading your negative thoughts. Chang, I know very well the process that you are going through is not easy at all, but as you mentioned before, nothing is worse than the current state. I felt pround of you having gone through this extremely tough and difficult 14 months. Don't give up and believe what you do. I also wish that my neighbour will start to think positively and follow closely on the program for the sake of her family and herself.