The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.
Benjamin Franklin
New information are presented in italics.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
X-rays scan on 26 September 2010 over the scapula (the bone of the shoulder), pelvic and upper back areas shows no obvious bony metastasis.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently two times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 66.0kgs, a drop of 0.3kg compared to last week. I think my weight has more or less stabilised at 66kgs give or take 0.5kg. I have been eating a lot but I don't seems to be able to put on weight, just about maintaining it.
I feel so much better now that the pain from my shoulder and pelvis areas are not due to bone metastasis. The coughing has subsided, no blood clots were detected in the phelgm. Had another episode of blood in urine on 27 September 2010, but not accompanied by any pain.
Verdict
A happy week.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Cancer Personality: Who Gets Cancer?
My hypnotherapist, Dr Chong emailed me a link to this intertesting article. If you like to read it immediately, you can find it here.
Have you ever wondered if cancer patients have some form of common traits? If we know what these traits are and if you find yourself fitting into the description, then you can do something before cancer comes. Prevention is better than cure.
I have also read some books that attemps to provide some of the traits of cancer patients and I think the traits provided in this article seems more plausible. Due to the length of the article, it will appear into four or five parts.
Part 1
W. Douglas Brodie, MD: In dealing with many thousands of cancer patients over the past 28 years, it has been my observation that there are certain personality traits present in the cancer-susceptible individual. These traits are as follows:
1. Being highly conscientious, caring, dutiful, responsible, hard-working, and usually of above average intelligence.
2. Exhibits a strong tendency toward carrying other people's burdens and toward taking on extra obligations, and often "worrying for others."
3. Having a deep-seated need to make others happy. Being a "people pleaser" with a great need for approval.
4. Often lacking closeness with one or both parents, which sometimes, later in life, results in lack of closeness with spouse or others who would normally be close.
5. Harbours long-suppressed toxic emotions, such as anger, resentment and/or hostility. The cancer-susceptible individual typically internalizes such emotions and has great difficulty expressing them.
6. Reacts adversely to stress, and often becomes unable to cope adequately with such stress. Usually experiences an especially damaging event about 2 years before the onset of detectable cancer. The patient is not able to cope with this traumatic event or series of events, which comes as a "last straw" on top of years of suppressed reactions to stress.
7. Has an inability to resolve deep-seated emotional problems and conflicts, usually beginning in childhood, often even being unaware of their presence.
Typical of the cancer-susceptible personality, as noted above, is the long-standing tendency to suppress "toxic emotions", particularly anger. Usually beginning in childhood, this individual has held in their hostility and other unacceptable emotions. More often than not, this feature of the affected personality has its origins in feelings of rejection by one or both parents. Whether these feelings of rejection are justified or not, the individual perceives this rejection as real, and this results in a lack of closeness with the "rejecting" parent, followed later in life by a lack of closeness with spouses and others with whom close relationships
would normally develop. Those at the higher risk for cancer tend to develop feelings of loneliness as a result of their having been deprived of affection and acceptance earlier in life, even if this is only their perception. They have a tremendous need for approval and acceptance, and develop a very high sensitivity to the needs of others while suppressing their own emotional needs.
They become the "caretakers" of the world, showing great compassion and caring for others, and will go out of their way to look after others. They are very reluctant to accept help from others, fearing that it may jeopardize their role as the caretaker. Throughout their childhood they have been typically taught "not to be selfish", and they take this to heart as a major lifetime objective. All of this is highly commendable in our culture, but must be somehow modified in the case of the cancer patient. A distinction needs to be made here between the "care-giving" and the "care-taking" personality. There is nothing wrong with care-giving, of course,
but the problem arises when the susceptible individual derives their entire worth, value and identity from their role as "caretaker". If this very important shift cannot be made, the patient is stuck in this role, and the susceptibility to cancer greatly increases.
As already stated, a consistent feature of those who are susceptible to cancer appears to be that they "suffer in silence", and bear their burdens without complaint. These burdens of their own as well as the burdens of others weigh heavily upon these people through a lifetime of emotional suppression. The carefree extrovert, on the other hand, seems to be far less vulnerable to cancer than the caring introvert described above.
How one reacts to stress appears to be a major factor in the larger number of contributing causes of cancer. Most cancer patients have experienced a highly stressful event, usually about 2 years prior to the onset of detectable disease. This traumatic event is often beyond the patient's control, such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a business, job, home, or some other major disaster. The typical cancer personality has lost the ability to cope with these extreme events, because his/her coping mechanism lies in his/her ability to control the environment. When this control is lost, the patient has no other way to cope.
Major stress causes suppression of the immune system, and does so more verwhelmingly in the cancer-susceptible individual than in others. Thus personal tragedies and excessive levels of stress appear to combine with the underlying personality described above to bring on the immune deficiency which allows cancer to thrive.
To read Part 2, click here.
Have you ever wondered if cancer patients have some form of common traits? If we know what these traits are and if you find yourself fitting into the description, then you can do something before cancer comes. Prevention is better than cure.
I have also read some books that attemps to provide some of the traits of cancer patients and I think the traits provided in this article seems more plausible. Due to the length of the article, it will appear into four or five parts.
Part 1
W. Douglas Brodie, MD: In dealing with many thousands of cancer patients over the past 28 years, it has been my observation that there are certain personality traits present in the cancer-susceptible individual. These traits are as follows:
1. Being highly conscientious, caring, dutiful, responsible, hard-working, and usually of above average intelligence.
2. Exhibits a strong tendency toward carrying other people's burdens and toward taking on extra obligations, and often "worrying for others."
3. Having a deep-seated need to make others happy. Being a "people pleaser" with a great need for approval.
4. Often lacking closeness with one or both parents, which sometimes, later in life, results in lack of closeness with spouse or others who would normally be close.
5. Harbours long-suppressed toxic emotions, such as anger, resentment and/or hostility. The cancer-susceptible individual typically internalizes such emotions and has great difficulty expressing them.
6. Reacts adversely to stress, and often becomes unable to cope adequately with such stress. Usually experiences an especially damaging event about 2 years before the onset of detectable cancer. The patient is not able to cope with this traumatic event or series of events, which comes as a "last straw" on top of years of suppressed reactions to stress.
7. Has an inability to resolve deep-seated emotional problems and conflicts, usually beginning in childhood, often even being unaware of their presence.
Typical of the cancer-susceptible personality, as noted above, is the long-standing tendency to suppress "toxic emotions", particularly anger. Usually beginning in childhood, this individual has held in their hostility and other unacceptable emotions. More often than not, this feature of the affected personality has its origins in feelings of rejection by one or both parents. Whether these feelings of rejection are justified or not, the individual perceives this rejection as real, and this results in a lack of closeness with the "rejecting" parent, followed later in life by a lack of closeness with spouses and others with whom close relationships
would normally develop. Those at the higher risk for cancer tend to develop feelings of loneliness as a result of their having been deprived of affection and acceptance earlier in life, even if this is only their perception. They have a tremendous need for approval and acceptance, and develop a very high sensitivity to the needs of others while suppressing their own emotional needs.
They become the "caretakers" of the world, showing great compassion and caring for others, and will go out of their way to look after others. They are very reluctant to accept help from others, fearing that it may jeopardize their role as the caretaker. Throughout their childhood they have been typically taught "not to be selfish", and they take this to heart as a major lifetime objective. All of this is highly commendable in our culture, but must be somehow modified in the case of the cancer patient. A distinction needs to be made here between the "care-giving" and the "care-taking" personality. There is nothing wrong with care-giving, of course,
but the problem arises when the susceptible individual derives their entire worth, value and identity from their role as "caretaker". If this very important shift cannot be made, the patient is stuck in this role, and the susceptibility to cancer greatly increases.
As already stated, a consistent feature of those who are susceptible to cancer appears to be that they "suffer in silence", and bear their burdens without complaint. These burdens of their own as well as the burdens of others weigh heavily upon these people through a lifetime of emotional suppression. The carefree extrovert, on the other hand, seems to be far less vulnerable to cancer than the caring introvert described above.
How one reacts to stress appears to be a major factor in the larger number of contributing causes of cancer. Most cancer patients have experienced a highly stressful event, usually about 2 years prior to the onset of detectable disease. This traumatic event is often beyond the patient's control, such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a business, job, home, or some other major disaster. The typical cancer personality has lost the ability to cope with these extreme events, because his/her coping mechanism lies in his/her ability to control the environment. When this control is lost, the patient has no other way to cope.
Major stress causes suppression of the immune system, and does so more verwhelmingly in the cancer-susceptible individual than in others. Thus personal tragedies and excessive levels of stress appear to combine with the underlying personality described above to bring on the immune deficiency which allows cancer to thrive.
To read Part 2, click here.
The Joy Of Receiving
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
Gautama Siddharta
Two friends, Debbie and Janice will be visitng me today. These two are very passionate about natural therapies. I hope to learn something from them while at the same time they wanted to learn certain aspects of the Gerson Therapy.
During the early stages of my cancer, I did not encourage my friends to visit as I need to focus and stabilise first but now I think the time is right if you want to come and visit.
Tomorrow I will be going to Cameron Highlands for a break for 3 days. I will do a Health Status update tomorrow but I will take a rest from blogging on Sunday. I will give you an update about my trip later on Monday evening.
Spring Cleaning
Finally, with the help of my brother and two sisters, I managed to get my house spring cleaned. Sometimes I look at the amount of housework and I thought I could finished it, not at a go but over few days. I think I can during my pre cancer days but nowdays, I cannot exert that kind of energy to do it. This is pure physical activity, something I take for granted previously.
Joy Of Receiving
During my pre cancer days, when opportunity arises, I would do charity not just in the form of money, but donate my time as well. There is so much joy in giving and I always feel blessed to be able to give. When one can give, it means that person has ability, has work and has money besides compassion.
When you have poor health, you just wish you weren't in that state. So dependent and so helpless. Your ability to give diminishes, not totally but you cannot give so frequent. Well, you need to keep some for your own medical bills.
With this cancer, I also learn the joy of receiving. First from my own family members. My cancer has brought us much closer together. My friends who has been supportive of me through this difficult times. Some even go all out of the way to help provide me transport and even volunteer to help me do juicing. Strangers, people I don't know, who knew me through my blog contact me and gave support and advice.
There is nothing shamefull being helplessness. As we learn to give, we also learn to receive. Receiving is as joyfull and in giving. This makes the world go around.
Gautama Siddharta
Two friends, Debbie and Janice will be visitng me today. These two are very passionate about natural therapies. I hope to learn something from them while at the same time they wanted to learn certain aspects of the Gerson Therapy.
During the early stages of my cancer, I did not encourage my friends to visit as I need to focus and stabilise first but now I think the time is right if you want to come and visit.
Tomorrow I will be going to Cameron Highlands for a break for 3 days. I will do a Health Status update tomorrow but I will take a rest from blogging on Sunday. I will give you an update about my trip later on Monday evening.
Spring Cleaning
Finally, with the help of my brother and two sisters, I managed to get my house spring cleaned. Sometimes I look at the amount of housework and I thought I could finished it, not at a go but over few days. I think I can during my pre cancer days but nowdays, I cannot exert that kind of energy to do it. This is pure physical activity, something I take for granted previously.
Joy Of Receiving
During my pre cancer days, when opportunity arises, I would do charity not just in the form of money, but donate my time as well. There is so much joy in giving and I always feel blessed to be able to give. When one can give, it means that person has ability, has work and has money besides compassion.
When you have poor health, you just wish you weren't in that state. So dependent and so helpless. Your ability to give diminishes, not totally but you cannot give so frequent. Well, you need to keep some for your own medical bills.
With this cancer, I also learn the joy of receiving. First from my own family members. My cancer has brought us much closer together. My friends who has been supportive of me through this difficult times. Some even go all out of the way to help provide me transport and even volunteer to help me do juicing. Strangers, people I don't know, who knew me through my blog contact me and gave support and advice.
There is nothing shamefull being helplessness. As we learn to give, we also learn to receive. Receiving is as joyfull and in giving. This makes the world go around.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Faint Light At The End Of Tunnel
To insure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.
William Londen
I am a Liverpool FC fan (since I was 13 years old) and they have registered their first win after 7 consecutive disappointments. Liverpudlians out there, rejoice with me. Well, I have also good news to report too.
Results of Bone Scan
I had pain over the scapula (the bone of the shoulder), pelvic and upper back areas. So had 10 x-rays taken at SJMC yesterday covering all these areas and my raidologist's report was: No obvious bony metastasis.
Well that's really good news.
My blood test results are also out and my RBC has returned to normal, my GGT which although still high came down significantly and could be in normaly range if my condition continues to improve. Overall slight improvement!
So what's happening? Well, Gerson Therapy certaintly helped and what changes I made were (since August 2010):
- Started taking CA herbs. I do feel better and I think it helped
- Started improving on my spiritual side.
- Started dealing with my emotional side starting with hypnotherapy. I must say I am much more happier now. Still a log way to go though.
William Londen
I am a Liverpool FC fan (since I was 13 years old) and they have registered their first win after 7 consecutive disappointments. Liverpudlians out there, rejoice with me. Well, I have also good news to report too.
Results of Bone Scan
I had pain over the scapula (the bone of the shoulder), pelvic and upper back areas. So had 10 x-rays taken at SJMC yesterday covering all these areas and my raidologist's report was: No obvious bony metastasis.
Well that's really good news.
My blood test results are also out and my RBC has returned to normal, my GGT which although still high came down significantly and could be in normaly range if my condition continues to improve. Overall slight improvement!
So what's happening? Well, Gerson Therapy certaintly helped and what changes I made were (since August 2010):
- Started taking CA herbs. I do feel better and I think it helped
- Started improving on my spiritual side.
- Started dealing with my emotional side starting with hypnotherapy. I must say I am much more happier now. Still a log way to go though.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Just Let It Flow
The greatest mistake in the treatment of diseases is that there are physicians for the body and physicians for the soul, although the two cannot be separated.
Plato
I wrote today's blog immediately after yesterday's posts. As I was feeling blue then, hence it reflects the contents. That's all, nothing more to it. It does not reflect my will to live. I want to live long! When a cancer patient is desperate and sad, it's a reflection that he/she wants to live. It's different from giving up, when doing opposite things to accelerate death.
I am now doing some spring cleaning at home and I thought it would save me sometime if I could do the write-up earlier.
This morning I went to take my blood test but I could not give my urine sample as I had blood in urine. This is my forth episode. So I have to wait a little later to give my urine sample.
Bone Scan
I have been having uneasy feeling for the past two months, I thought I would go for a bone scan to confirm if indeed the tumor has spread to my right hip area or possible to the shoulder blade area too. I spoked to my doctor and he told me I can just do a normal X-ray on the shoulder blade area and also on the pelvic and hip areas.
What will this mean if it is confirmed? Well it mean that the cancer has become more agressive and soon, I will start to experience more pain and possibly lose my mobility as well. Is it important to know this? Well, yes and no. Yes because you now know what additional cancer you are dealing with and relook at your options. Even though the prognosis is very poor, still it presents an opportunity to deal with it, at least you know what caused the pain and if I want to start taking pain killing medication. It's also a guage and perhaps the triggering point, meaning I will know how much time I will have left and decide what best to do with this remaining time. Of course, the therapies will continue. Not knowing will mean I will continue to speculate.
I value my mobility as one of the most important thing I have left besides a clear mind. I realised that this will also mean I will lose my mobility over time as the tumor take it's grip. That's why for me, it is important to know because I would like to look at my bucket list and try to fulfill the second item on the list i.e. visiting Tibet and go to Everest Base Camp. The time is however not right because it will be too cold for me to go now and my next window of opportunity will be March/April 2011. Would I be still mobile by then? I certaintly hope so.
Hey, snap out of it. The result of the scan is not out yet. Why do I want to look at outcome negatively? This is because I want to prepare myself to accept the result when it is known. I do not want to embarrass myself at the hospital when I got the results.
Facing Death
It may appears to some that I am already trowing the towel by talking about this topic. Rest assured I am not, though I admit the fight has become increasingly difficult.
Death is always on the mind of cancer patients all the time and what most would want is to die a good death. So what is dying a good death? Frankly, when is dying good, especially when it is at a young age? For some, dying in the sleep or dying without pain would be a good death. For me, I would want to die fully consciously. Meaning when I die, I want to know who are beside me, spoken my last words and I know consciously what's going on until my last breath. In exchange, I would take some pain. I do not want to die as a drug junkie.
I once read Osho's book (can't remember the title) a decade ago and he said not to be afraid of death. Embrace death and it's a new experience, once a lifetime. I still can't figure out what that means.
Plato
I wrote today's blog immediately after yesterday's posts. As I was feeling blue then, hence it reflects the contents. That's all, nothing more to it. It does not reflect my will to live. I want to live long! When a cancer patient is desperate and sad, it's a reflection that he/she wants to live. It's different from giving up, when doing opposite things to accelerate death.
I am now doing some spring cleaning at home and I thought it would save me sometime if I could do the write-up earlier.
This morning I went to take my blood test but I could not give my urine sample as I had blood in urine. This is my forth episode. So I have to wait a little later to give my urine sample.
Bone Scan
I have been having uneasy feeling for the past two months, I thought I would go for a bone scan to confirm if indeed the tumor has spread to my right hip area or possible to the shoulder blade area too. I spoked to my doctor and he told me I can just do a normal X-ray on the shoulder blade area and also on the pelvic and hip areas.
What will this mean if it is confirmed? Well it mean that the cancer has become more agressive and soon, I will start to experience more pain and possibly lose my mobility as well. Is it important to know this? Well, yes and no. Yes because you now know what additional cancer you are dealing with and relook at your options. Even though the prognosis is very poor, still it presents an opportunity to deal with it, at least you know what caused the pain and if I want to start taking pain killing medication. It's also a guage and perhaps the triggering point, meaning I will know how much time I will have left and decide what best to do with this remaining time. Of course, the therapies will continue. Not knowing will mean I will continue to speculate.
I value my mobility as one of the most important thing I have left besides a clear mind. I realised that this will also mean I will lose my mobility over time as the tumor take it's grip. That's why for me, it is important to know because I would like to look at my bucket list and try to fulfill the second item on the list i.e. visiting Tibet and go to Everest Base Camp. The time is however not right because it will be too cold for me to go now and my next window of opportunity will be March/April 2011. Would I be still mobile by then? I certaintly hope so.
Hey, snap out of it. The result of the scan is not out yet. Why do I want to look at outcome negatively? This is because I want to prepare myself to accept the result when it is known. I do not want to embarrass myself at the hospital when I got the results.
Facing Death
It may appears to some that I am already trowing the towel by talking about this topic. Rest assured I am not, though I admit the fight has become increasingly difficult.
Death is always on the mind of cancer patients all the time and what most would want is to die a good death. So what is dying a good death? Frankly, when is dying good, especially when it is at a young age? For some, dying in the sleep or dying without pain would be a good death. For me, I would want to die fully consciously. Meaning when I die, I want to know who are beside me, spoken my last words and I know consciously what's going on until my last breath. In exchange, I would take some pain. I do not want to die as a drug junkie.
I once read Osho's book (can't remember the title) a decade ago and he said not to be afraid of death. Embrace death and it's a new experience, once a lifetime. I still can't figure out what that means.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Doing My Very Best
Realize you are responsible for your life. The decisions, the choices you make are yours. Don't blame others for things not working out, take responsibility, change the things that need changing.
Author Unknown
This morning's quote was to remind me, to take charge of my life, take responsibility and change things that need changing. It's not going to be easy but now that I still have the chance, I just gotta to do it.
Today, I will be seeing my GP to get my blood test done, to include some of the tests that Gerson Clinic wants. I realised my last blood test is out of date as I was about to submit my application. Hopefully, I can submit my application tomorrow, which by the way is through the use of fax rather than email.
Continuing The Blues
I did not sleep very well last night, I just closed my eyes and try to get whatever sleep I could get. My heart beat was not just irregular, it was beating slowing and sort of pounding and I was breathing heavily. I also had heartburn that made it worst.
This morning, I woke up I was still feeling blue. There was slight pain around my chest area and I was also feeling some pain around my back, from shoulder blade areas down to the waist. The chest area feels a little congested. I also develop coughs this morning, though no signs of blood clots in the phelgm.
I am continuing to lose blood through my urine, small amount every day. I know because sometimes I feel faint like spells, especially when I am doing qi gong. Of course, I have to be more careful now when driving so as not to make a nuisance of myself and to others while on the road.
Those Were The Days
Two weeks ago, I was at the Genting, Arena of Stars to watch Lobo: Live in Concert 2010. This is the second time I have been to Lobo's concert.
I have been a fan of Lobo since I was about 13 year boy old then. I remember in those days, the house where I was staying does not have electricity nor pipe water. We use kerosene lamps and well water for our needs. My neighbour, SW who is the same age with me also happens to like Lobo. So I would encourage him to go to the record shop to buy the LP and we would listen together in his house. This was the only way I could get a dose of Lobo.
About this time, my brother bought a China made guitar, a Kapok brand that costs 28 bucks but he did not play it. He was busy with his studies and I was busy fiddling with the guitar. In the end, he scored straight As and I scratched the guitar! I did learn playing the guitar but unfortunately, I did not play the instrument that well. It's only now, after 35 years later, I am learning to play the scales. Well better late than never.
The guitar has been a very good compaion to me during my teenage days. It does not complain and only listen to my singing, even if out of tune. It gives me soothing music on my lonely days, what a friend to have on a cold and lonely night (last line from John Denver's This Old Guitar).
Author Unknown
This morning's quote was to remind me, to take charge of my life, take responsibility and change things that need changing. It's not going to be easy but now that I still have the chance, I just gotta to do it.
Today, I will be seeing my GP to get my blood test done, to include some of the tests that Gerson Clinic wants. I realised my last blood test is out of date as I was about to submit my application. Hopefully, I can submit my application tomorrow, which by the way is through the use of fax rather than email.
Continuing The Blues
I did not sleep very well last night, I just closed my eyes and try to get whatever sleep I could get. My heart beat was not just irregular, it was beating slowing and sort of pounding and I was breathing heavily. I also had heartburn that made it worst.
This morning, I woke up I was still feeling blue. There was slight pain around my chest area and I was also feeling some pain around my back, from shoulder blade areas down to the waist. The chest area feels a little congested. I also develop coughs this morning, though no signs of blood clots in the phelgm.
I am continuing to lose blood through my urine, small amount every day. I know because sometimes I feel faint like spells, especially when I am doing qi gong. Of course, I have to be more careful now when driving so as not to make a nuisance of myself and to others while on the road.
Those Were The Days
Two weeks ago, I was at the Genting, Arena of Stars to watch Lobo: Live in Concert 2010. This is the second time I have been to Lobo's concert.
I have been a fan of Lobo since I was about 13 year boy old then. I remember in those days, the house where I was staying does not have electricity nor pipe water. We use kerosene lamps and well water for our needs. My neighbour, SW who is the same age with me also happens to like Lobo. So I would encourage him to go to the record shop to buy the LP and we would listen together in his house. This was the only way I could get a dose of Lobo.
About this time, my brother bought a China made guitar, a Kapok brand that costs 28 bucks but he did not play it. He was busy with his studies and I was busy fiddling with the guitar. In the end, he scored straight As and I scratched the guitar! I did learn playing the guitar but unfortunately, I did not play the instrument that well. It's only now, after 35 years later, I am learning to play the scales. Well better late than never.
The guitar has been a very good compaion to me during my teenage days. It does not complain and only listen to my singing, even if out of tune. It gives me soothing music on my lonely days, what a friend to have on a cold and lonely night (last line from John Denver's This Old Guitar).
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saving Myself
As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.
Emmanuel
The above positive quote was given to me by my hypnotherapist, Dr Chong. She has been sending me positive quotes regularly.
Singing The Blues
Today I was feeling blue for the whole day. After my qi gong exercise on my way back home I felt a little sad. I was thinking about this stage 4 cancer lady that I met together with a friend last Saturday. She is obviously in bad mental condition and when I asked her how she felt, before she could answer, I quickly rushed to hold her hand tightly because I could tell she is going to cry. She starred deep into my eyes and I could see the fear and despair. At that moment I was momentarily lost for words and what I saw was a reflection of myself. Despite being 14 months into the therapy, I am no better off than in the begining. She said she wants to give up and I was about to break down too because I too did entertain such thoughts, yes even 14 months into the therapy. Deep inside, we live day by day in fear of suffering and of dying. No wonder Dr Chong tried to instill confidence in me during the hypnosis.
Reaching Out...Saving Myself
Some people do not understand why despite my condition and the need to rests, I still reach out to people. I have been through very painful times and I do not want anyone to go through what I have been through if I can help it. Why not wait till I recovered? Well that day may never come. My future is now, what I can do at this moment.
I may not be well but when comparied to the other person, I am still able to help and the pain from observing or not trying would even be more painful. I am not trying to portray any heroic deeds or saint like qualities for I am not. For as long as I am alive, I will continue to reach out, because you would feel it too if you were there watching. Perhaps I am saving myself too. Somehow as a cancer patient myself, I can connect to them easier.
Saved...
Despite feel sad, I did find solace. Christine loaned me her Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life last Saturday. As I turn the pages to find comfort, I found some hand written words on the dedication page, as if written for me. I asked her for permission to use it and she said she wrote it as a guide to remind herself daily. Beautifully written, I would like to share what she wrote.
Live today like you are someone special because you are.
Live today like you are created for success and fulfillment, because you are
Live today as if a world of opportinuty were stretched out in front of you because it is.
As you go through this day, keep in mind that every thought, every feeling, every sight and sound is truly miraculous because your are alive and able to preceive it.
Gaze in awe at the vastness of possibilities which are yours to choose and follow.
Live today as it what you become is more important that what you have because,it is.
Live each moment of this day fully mindful of the miraculous reality of your existence.
Transcend the disappointments, because you can.
View the problems as opportunities, because they are.
Live with purpose, focus and joy because it is who you really are.
Emmanuel
The above positive quote was given to me by my hypnotherapist, Dr Chong. She has been sending me positive quotes regularly.
Singing The Blues
Today I was feeling blue for the whole day. After my qi gong exercise on my way back home I felt a little sad. I was thinking about this stage 4 cancer lady that I met together with a friend last Saturday. She is obviously in bad mental condition and when I asked her how she felt, before she could answer, I quickly rushed to hold her hand tightly because I could tell she is going to cry. She starred deep into my eyes and I could see the fear and despair. At that moment I was momentarily lost for words and what I saw was a reflection of myself. Despite being 14 months into the therapy, I am no better off than in the begining. She said she wants to give up and I was about to break down too because I too did entertain such thoughts, yes even 14 months into the therapy. Deep inside, we live day by day in fear of suffering and of dying. No wonder Dr Chong tried to instill confidence in me during the hypnosis.
Reaching Out...Saving Myself
Some people do not understand why despite my condition and the need to rests, I still reach out to people. I have been through very painful times and I do not want anyone to go through what I have been through if I can help it. Why not wait till I recovered? Well that day may never come. My future is now, what I can do at this moment.
I may not be well but when comparied to the other person, I am still able to help and the pain from observing or not trying would even be more painful. I am not trying to portray any heroic deeds or saint like qualities for I am not. For as long as I am alive, I will continue to reach out, because you would feel it too if you were there watching. Perhaps I am saving myself too. Somehow as a cancer patient myself, I can connect to them easier.
Saved...
Despite feel sad, I did find solace. Christine loaned me her Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life last Saturday. As I turn the pages to find comfort, I found some hand written words on the dedication page, as if written for me. I asked her for permission to use it and she said she wrote it as a guide to remind herself daily. Beautifully written, I would like to share what she wrote.
Live today like you are someone special because you are.
Live today like you are created for success and fulfillment, because you are
Live today as if a world of opportinuty were stretched out in front of you because it is.
As you go through this day, keep in mind that every thought, every feeling, every sight and sound is truly miraculous because your are alive and able to preceive it.
Gaze in awe at the vastness of possibilities which are yours to choose and follow.
Live today as it what you become is more important that what you have because,it is.
Live each moment of this day fully mindful of the miraculous reality of your existence.
Transcend the disappointments, because you can.
View the problems as opportunities, because they are.
Live with purpose, focus and joy because it is who you really are.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Who Am I Make A Difference
Today I want to make a slight request to all readers that is reading this post. I received a wonderful email from Poh Ying about a New York High School project wherein students were ask to distribute 2 blue ribbons to one person that they think made a difference in their life. That person who receives the ribbon will in turn distribute the remaining ribbon to another person who made a difference in his/her life. The effects on people were amazing.
So I am giving each of you who is visiting this post 2 virtual blue ribbons. One is for you because you made a difference in my life by just visiting. It's the kind of support that is very meaningful to me. The other virtual ribbon which you now have, I would like you to leave on my comments, the name of the person that you wish to dedicate the virtual ribbon to, someone who made a difference to you in your life.
Feel the change in you and let this flow through your heart. Tell the one he/she made a difference to you and let it be known to the world. Please invite your friends and do not forget to tell the person you have dedicated to. I will make my dedication by being the first to give my virtual blue ribbon away.
Virtual Blue Ribbon Project
Don't live in the past, thinking about mistakes or changes you made. Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another. Learn from your mistakes, but focus on your future, not on your past.
Author Unknowm
Today I will make my post short and will be making two postings. This is the first post and in the second post called .Who Am I Make A Difference, I am carrying out a Virtual Blue Ribbon Project and I hope you and your friends will participate.
Hypnotherapy - Part 3
I had my second seccion of hypnotherapy with Dr Chong on Friday evening. The second session was to instill confidence in me about the therapy.
I must tell you that I take quite sometime to settledown, like neeading at least 30mins to fall asleep. Therefore I was a little worried if I could enter into a relaxation mode that quickly. Anyway Dr Chong was softly reading the relaxation instructions to me and I just ocncentrated on her words and after a while, I think I had fallen asleep or entered into the state of relaxation. Dr Chong told me that I need about 3 pages of instructions before I entered into the relaxation mode.
I could not remember anything and when if was about to finish, I heard Dr Chong's voice back and then she began to give me instructions to wake up. I felt fresh after the session.
What she wants me to do next is to practice self hypnosis at least for two times a day and will meet again in one month's timt to do another session of hypnotherapy but this time on regression
Author Unknowm
Today I will make my post short and will be making two postings. This is the first post and in the second post called .Who Am I Make A Difference, I am carrying out a Virtual Blue Ribbon Project and I hope you and your friends will participate.
Hypnotherapy - Part 3
I had my second seccion of hypnotherapy with Dr Chong on Friday evening. The second session was to instill confidence in me about the therapy.
I must tell you that I take quite sometime to settledown, like neeading at least 30mins to fall asleep. Therefore I was a little worried if I could enter into a relaxation mode that quickly. Anyway Dr Chong was softly reading the relaxation instructions to me and I just ocncentrated on her words and after a while, I think I had fallen asleep or entered into the state of relaxation. Dr Chong told me that I need about 3 pages of instructions before I entered into the relaxation mode.
I could not remember anything and when if was about to finish, I heard Dr Chong's voice back and then she began to give me instructions to wake up. I felt fresh after the session.
What she wants me to do next is to practice self hypnosis at least for two times a day and will meet again in one month's timt to do another session of hypnotherapy but this time on regression
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Health Status @ 23 October 2010
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
Ralph Nichols
New information are presented in italics.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 66.3kgs, a increase of 0.4kg compared to last week. I think my weight has more or less stabilised at 66kgs give or take 0.5kg. But I will continue with project "Eat More". I think even the areas around my buttocks has stabilised too.
I feel very good, especially my lungs area is clear, no coughs. Neither did my kidney misbehave. I have developed one mouth ulcer.
Did my second hypnotherapy last night and will write about it tomorrow.
Verdict
A good week.
Ralph Nichols
New information are presented in italics.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 66.3kgs, a increase of 0.4kg compared to last week. I think my weight has more or less stabilised at 66kgs give or take 0.5kg. But I will continue with project "Eat More". I think even the areas around my buttocks has stabilised too.
I feel very good, especially my lungs area is clear, no coughs. Neither did my kidney misbehave. I have developed one mouth ulcer.
Did my second hypnotherapy last night and will write about it tomorrow.
Verdict
A good week.
Friday, October 22, 2010
There Is Hope In This World
I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.
Marlene Dietrich
Well, the last few days has been normal days for me. Normal is good because it means there are no developments of pain or other negative developments.
Some three weeks ago I met Debbie during lunch at Freddie's place and now she insists on visiting me. We actually had a firey exchange that day. This time round she used the pretext of wanting to learn jucing from me but I think her real motive is to help me to juice. She is also bringing a friend Janice along. I thought I only read it in other people's blog but now I have someone that I have just known for only a few weeks and wants to volunteer to help me out even just for a short while. That's really sweet.
Dr Randy Pausch's Last Lecture
CL wrote me an email and she asked if I had watch Dr Pausch's Last Lecture? Yes, I did sometime in 2008 and it was not only inspirational, he left behind a legacy called Entertainment Technology. So it was just another inspirational lecture soon to be forgotten for me at that time.
Now that she reminded me and since I now had cancer, would my views be different if I watch his Last Lecture at Youtube again?
He had dreams and he used unconventional methods to persue his passion that not only left a legacy at the University but also enabled the dreams of others. It's moving and his lessons were:
a) Have Fun,
b) Never Give Up, and
c) Look Into The Good of Others
He started saying he has some of the best doctors in the world. But what caught me now as I rewatch the video was that he casually joked about people with herbal supplements and remedies to stay away from him. Like the rest of the audience when I saw it in 2008, I too laughed. Now I see it differently. I see the doctors playing God. I felt he believed what his doctors said, he had only 3 to 6 months to live. We are told to get our affairs in order and then live the rest of the days like you never had.
Having cancer and now rewatching the same video, my thoughts are different from my pre-cancer days. Actually I am disturbed. My thoughts were why didnt this brilliant man use the same passion and unconventional methods to treat his own cancer?
Clinical Hypnosis
My hypnotherapist, Dr Chong has shared with me some information about the benefits of hypnosis and how it can help in cancer therapy. Well, what I did was to share verbatim with what she wrote to me for your reading pleasure.
Neuroscientists have known for some time that the limbic system is the emotional center of the brain. The limbic system includes the amygdale, a brain structure that is connected to FEAR and PLEASURE, the pineal gland, which monitors the hormone system and releases the powerful endorphins that, not only act as painkillers but also as anti-depressants. This indicates that there is a definite relationship between the mind, the endocrine system and the nervous systems.
This is the connection between how you feel and how you behave, between your emotions and physical state. "Discovered in 1975, endorphins are among the brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters, which function in the transmission of signals within the nervous system. At least 20 types of endorphins have been demonstrated in humans, and may be located in the pituitary gland, and other parts of the brain, or distributed throughout the nervous system". Excerpt: Your Guide to Stress Management, Melissa C. Stoppler, M.D.
"Since they were first discovered within the delicate, complex biochemistry of the human brain, endorphins have presented doctors, scientists with what may well prove to be revolutionary medical breakthroughs-for they may be the most powerful "natural" opiates known. They have been called the body’s "natural pain killers". At least one type of endorphin has proven itself to be more than 700 times as powerful as morphine. Experiments now under way to determine if they will, perhaps, be effective in the treatment of alcoholism, drug addiction, and other forms of substance abuse." Excerpt: Endorphins. New Waves in Brain Chemistry, Joel Davis, The Dial Press, New York. 1984
"Endorphins are the miracle hormones-found in everybody-that kill pain, provide the foundation for good health and create physical sensations of enjoyment. They are responsible for the euphoria of athletes and the pleasure of lovemaking." William Bloom, author of The Endorphin Effect.
During the hypnotic state of mind-altered state, trance - even if no specific suggestions for endorphin release are given- the body releases endorphins. Perhaps this is why almost all hypnosis clients seem pleasantly groggy and disoriented after the hypnosis sessions. Endorphin secretion prompts mental and physical relaxation, diminishes physical and emotional pain, and enables ideal functioning of immune system. This is one of the simplest reasons why I want all my clients to understand and do self hypnosis or guided imagery at least twice a day.
According to Melissa C. Stoppler, M.D. "In addition to decreased feelings of PAIN, secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, release of sex hormones, and enhancement of the immune response. With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress."
If you are doing self hypnosis exercises, you will be able to enter your mind’s "control room" and release your endorphins. I hope you remember this exercise; it is most beneficial for your inner peace. Endorphins are naturally released in the body to help negate any physical pain that occurs and also to diminish any negative effects of stress.
It is believed by some that people who experience frequent headaches, as well as people who experience other forms of chronic pain, may possess low levels of endorphins-or faulty endorphin (opiate) receptor sites.
Each part, or system, of your body, is listening and responding to your mental chatter, your every thought and feeling. "Without the feeling there is no hormone; without the hormone there is no feeling. The revolution we call mind-body medicine was based on this simple discovery: WHEREVER THOUGHT GOES, A CHEMICAL GOES WITH IT", writes Deepak Chopra in Ageless Body-Timeless Mind.
Marlene Dietrich
Well, the last few days has been normal days for me. Normal is good because it means there are no developments of pain or other negative developments.
Some three weeks ago I met Debbie during lunch at Freddie's place and now she insists on visiting me. We actually had a firey exchange that day. This time round she used the pretext of wanting to learn jucing from me but I think her real motive is to help me to juice. She is also bringing a friend Janice along. I thought I only read it in other people's blog but now I have someone that I have just known for only a few weeks and wants to volunteer to help me out even just for a short while. That's really sweet.
Dr Randy Pausch's Last Lecture
CL wrote me an email and she asked if I had watch Dr Pausch's Last Lecture? Yes, I did sometime in 2008 and it was not only inspirational, he left behind a legacy called Entertainment Technology. So it was just another inspirational lecture soon to be forgotten for me at that time.
Now that she reminded me and since I now had cancer, would my views be different if I watch his Last Lecture at Youtube again?
He had dreams and he used unconventional methods to persue his passion that not only left a legacy at the University but also enabled the dreams of others. It's moving and his lessons were:
a) Have Fun,
b) Never Give Up, and
c) Look Into The Good of Others
He started saying he has some of the best doctors in the world. But what caught me now as I rewatch the video was that he casually joked about people with herbal supplements and remedies to stay away from him. Like the rest of the audience when I saw it in 2008, I too laughed. Now I see it differently. I see the doctors playing God. I felt he believed what his doctors said, he had only 3 to 6 months to live. We are told to get our affairs in order and then live the rest of the days like you never had.
Having cancer and now rewatching the same video, my thoughts are different from my pre-cancer days. Actually I am disturbed. My thoughts were why didnt this brilliant man use the same passion and unconventional methods to treat his own cancer?
Clinical Hypnosis
My hypnotherapist, Dr Chong has shared with me some information about the benefits of hypnosis and how it can help in cancer therapy. Well, what I did was to share verbatim with what she wrote to me for your reading pleasure.
Neuroscientists have known for some time that the limbic system is the emotional center of the brain. The limbic system includes the amygdale, a brain structure that is connected to FEAR and PLEASURE, the pineal gland, which monitors the hormone system and releases the powerful endorphins that, not only act as painkillers but also as anti-depressants. This indicates that there is a definite relationship between the mind, the endocrine system and the nervous systems.
This is the connection between how you feel and how you behave, between your emotions and physical state. "Discovered in 1975, endorphins are among the brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters, which function in the transmission of signals within the nervous system. At least 20 types of endorphins have been demonstrated in humans, and may be located in the pituitary gland, and other parts of the brain, or distributed throughout the nervous system". Excerpt: Your Guide to Stress Management, Melissa C. Stoppler, M.D.
"Since they were first discovered within the delicate, complex biochemistry of the human brain, endorphins have presented doctors, scientists with what may well prove to be revolutionary medical breakthroughs-for they may be the most powerful "natural" opiates known. They have been called the body’s "natural pain killers". At least one type of endorphin has proven itself to be more than 700 times as powerful as morphine. Experiments now under way to determine if they will, perhaps, be effective in the treatment of alcoholism, drug addiction, and other forms of substance abuse." Excerpt: Endorphins. New Waves in Brain Chemistry, Joel Davis, The Dial Press, New York. 1984
"Endorphins are the miracle hormones-found in everybody-that kill pain, provide the foundation for good health and create physical sensations of enjoyment. They are responsible for the euphoria of athletes and the pleasure of lovemaking." William Bloom, author of The Endorphin Effect.
During the hypnotic state of mind-altered state, trance - even if no specific suggestions for endorphin release are given- the body releases endorphins. Perhaps this is why almost all hypnosis clients seem pleasantly groggy and disoriented after the hypnosis sessions. Endorphin secretion prompts mental and physical relaxation, diminishes physical and emotional pain, and enables ideal functioning of immune system. This is one of the simplest reasons why I want all my clients to understand and do self hypnosis or guided imagery at least twice a day.
According to Melissa C. Stoppler, M.D. "In addition to decreased feelings of PAIN, secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, release of sex hormones, and enhancement of the immune response. With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress."
If you are doing self hypnosis exercises, you will be able to enter your mind’s "control room" and release your endorphins. I hope you remember this exercise; it is most beneficial for your inner peace. Endorphins are naturally released in the body to help negate any physical pain that occurs and also to diminish any negative effects of stress.
It is believed by some that people who experience frequent headaches, as well as people who experience other forms of chronic pain, may possess low levels of endorphins-or faulty endorphin (opiate) receptor sites.
Each part, or system, of your body, is listening and responding to your mental chatter, your every thought and feeling. "Without the feeling there is no hormone; without the hormone there is no feeling. The revolution we call mind-body medicine was based on this simple discovery: WHEREVER THOUGHT GOES, A CHEMICAL GOES WITH IT", writes Deepak Chopra in Ageless Body-Timeless Mind.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Poem And Dedication
The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.
Will Durant
Some of my friends have been a bit concern after my Brave or Plain Stupid? post. Actually, I have written another version earlier but it was very academic in nature, devoid of emotions. More than 90% of my blog postings are written instantaneously (including that post) and it reflects my feelings at the time of writing. Only more factual information that needs researching are written in advance. As a result, you would note mood swings in my posts. So do not be alarmed as I could write differently on the same topic at different times. Ironically, I write best when I am in a sad mood. It's only through sad times I learn to appreciate joyfullness.
I had power failure from 11am to 6pm yesterday when TNB has to shutdown power for a substation maintenance nearby. It caused me great inconvenience. I had to move to my mother's place to continue my juicing. Luckily it's not frequent, this was the first time since I started my therapy.
Of Scammers
The word cancer really strikes fear in most people. Its synonymous with pain and death. And because of the fear of dying and the wish for a cure, many are trapped by scammers. They do not think with their brain anymore. It's driven by fear and hope leading to irrational decisions and subsequent regrets.
I have been following a cancer patient and when the body showed a slight negative development, the fear took over and some people immediately spring into action offering hope of cures. All the faith in the existing therapy just vanishes. Because its the patient's choice, all we can do is to watch and pray.
Dedication For Eric Tai
I received this beautiful poem from Christine and she would like to dedicate it to Eric. After reading, I think it was also very appropriate for me.
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
Will Durant
Some of my friends have been a bit concern after my Brave or Plain Stupid? post. Actually, I have written another version earlier but it was very academic in nature, devoid of emotions. More than 90% of my blog postings are written instantaneously (including that post) and it reflects my feelings at the time of writing. Only more factual information that needs researching are written in advance. As a result, you would note mood swings in my posts. So do not be alarmed as I could write differently on the same topic at different times. Ironically, I write best when I am in a sad mood. It's only through sad times I learn to appreciate joyfullness.
I had power failure from 11am to 6pm yesterday when TNB has to shutdown power for a substation maintenance nearby. It caused me great inconvenience. I had to move to my mother's place to continue my juicing. Luckily it's not frequent, this was the first time since I started my therapy.
Of Scammers
The word cancer really strikes fear in most people. Its synonymous with pain and death. And because of the fear of dying and the wish for a cure, many are trapped by scammers. They do not think with their brain anymore. It's driven by fear and hope leading to irrational decisions and subsequent regrets.
I have been following a cancer patient and when the body showed a slight negative development, the fear took over and some people immediately spring into action offering hope of cures. All the faith in the existing therapy just vanishes. Because its the patient's choice, all we can do is to watch and pray.
Dedication For Eric Tai
I received this beautiful poem from Christine and she would like to dedicate it to Eric. After reading, I think it was also very appropriate for me.
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
It's Not What It Seems
Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
Josiah Royce
Finally, my daughter's car is ready and I will make arrangement to collect it today. It's a relief for me. Almost a four week wait for a simple accident.
Bloom And Gloom
Although my recent posts seems to center around gloomy scenarios, actually it's not that bad. You just have to look it from another angle and then you will smile rather than feeling sad.
In a normal person, when everything is good and going, any changes to that state would make you feel sad. But for a person like me, I am already in a diffcult state, the fact that I am living calls for a celebration. When you are in the night, it does not matter whether it's 8pm or 12midnight, it's still dark. It can't get worst than dark but now I am in grey territory. Hey there is even an opportunity to see sunrise! So don't feel sad for me, celebrate with me.
As you read my blog, think about me for a second and sent me your positive thoughts at that very moment. I can receive it. Imagine everytime you do this, hey in no time at all, I will feel energised! No more sad thinking, OK?
So What's Next?
I felt so much better after posting Brave Of Plain Stupid?. A relief came because I knew what I wanted to do after the post.
Well, I am going back to the basics. My faith in Gerson Therapy will not be shattered just because of some setback. But this time, I am getting professional help. So, no surgery for me!
I am going to the Gerson Clinic in Mexico (hopefully they accept me) and look forward to meet Charlotte Gerson in person! Wow, that would be a boost to my healing. I think someone from Gerson Institue follows my blog occasionally, so would you please look out for my application which will be emailed later today!
Josiah Royce
Finally, my daughter's car is ready and I will make arrangement to collect it today. It's a relief for me. Almost a four week wait for a simple accident.
Bloom And Gloom
Although my recent posts seems to center around gloomy scenarios, actually it's not that bad. You just have to look it from another angle and then you will smile rather than feeling sad.
In a normal person, when everything is good and going, any changes to that state would make you feel sad. But for a person like me, I am already in a diffcult state, the fact that I am living calls for a celebration. When you are in the night, it does not matter whether it's 8pm or 12midnight, it's still dark. It can't get worst than dark but now I am in grey territory. Hey there is even an opportunity to see sunrise! So don't feel sad for me, celebrate with me.
As you read my blog, think about me for a second and sent me your positive thoughts at that very moment. I can receive it. Imagine everytime you do this, hey in no time at all, I will feel energised! No more sad thinking, OK?
So What's Next?
I felt so much better after posting Brave Of Plain Stupid?. A relief came because I knew what I wanted to do after the post.
Well, I am going back to the basics. My faith in Gerson Therapy will not be shattered just because of some setback. But this time, I am getting professional help. So, no surgery for me!
I am going to the Gerson Clinic in Mexico (hopefully they accept me) and look forward to meet Charlotte Gerson in person! Wow, that would be a boost to my healing. I think someone from Gerson Institue follows my blog occasionally, so would you please look out for my application which will be emailed later today!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Brave Or Plain Stupid?
All of life is a journey; which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.
From A Little Book of Happiness
I had wanted to do this post for sometime now and I think the time is ripe for me to answer a few qestions that is been troubling my mind since I started this cancer therapy. The surgery date is getting closer and I need to confirm if I want to proceed with the surgery or not. The fact that I am postponing the decision tells you that I am totally lost perhaps blinded by fear. Confidence has deserted me.
In the beginning, it was more straight forward because I wanted to try alternative therapy and it became obvious what my choice is. Basically to leave every tumor inside my body and allow the natural healing to take place using the therapies that I have choosen.
Now, one year later I am still being confronted by the same question. This time round, the latest scans in August 2010 showed that the tumors is progressing as confirmed by my oncologists. My options are still the same as that one year ago only that a new treatment, interferon has been added to my palate of choices. All these choices leads to death. I will die surely but only a question of when. Going by the survival median, from the oncological point of view, it look more like 10 months.
My dabble at alternative medicine has so far gave me a little hope but even that, judged from the current prespective is fading. What seems to be working or at least holding back the tumor's advancement is no longer working so well. I'm faced with a renew threat. My weight seems to be declining. This is always on the background and suddendly it seems to be working fulltime in the foreground as if tumor put special focus to it. I still cannot fathom what's going on inside me, the feel good factor on the outside is there and yet inside I live day to day with the fear of the disease, of suffering and of dying. As I grapple with the new development, the brave face that I am fronting is slowly but surely crumpling. What is positively positive is slowly becoming less positive as each day progresses.
Faced with this situation, I am under tremendous stress to do something or is there anything I can do or not do? The decision that I make will either make me look brave or plain stupid but that is only for my ego, something I thought I got rid off long ago but now staring point blank at my face. Either way, I may be gambling with my life as stake with gambling odds heavily againt me. If I come out unscratched, I just won the hand but on the other hand, I lose the game. Seems so strange with such betting odds but this is the strange game of cancer that I am in. I can chose to decline the game. Let me tell you the rules.
The Rules
From oncological standpoint, the following have been established:
a. There is no cure.
b. Any treatment is only for extension of life of about 10 months.
c. There is no advantage on extension of life by removing the tumor kidney although two recent large studies showed that there may be a slight gain of between 3 months and 12 months.
d. There is a possibility of spontenous remission after surgery but more for small tumors and even that is rare.
From alternative medicine point of view the following has been observed:
a. There is a possible cure.
b. If cure is not possible, extension of life can be expected but there is no stratistics of how long the extension is. At the time of this post, 13 months is my current record.
Hybrid Approach
Going full conventional is like condeming myself to death while going alternative is slowly condeming myself to death too, at least that how's the latest scan points to and also if the current developments of my body continues this way.
My survival instinct kicks in and therein lies a glimmer of hope, at least a chance to improve my present situation but like all decisions, there are great risks involved. More often than not, the payout seems rather pittance for such major risks. This is because the current situation is favouring the banker. I must be one desperate gambler or nicely put, an optimist.
The hybrid approach utilises part of the conventional approach and part of the alternative approach. Basically, to go for surgery and follow the alternative therapies. Individually each of these approaches has some benefits but when it is combined, the hypothesis is can I get more synergy out of the two when combined? Other outcomes are not surving the surgery or if survive the surgery succumb to the diease that continues to ravage the body when the body is in the process of healing from surgery, statistically usually within a 6 months period. Stll it does not promises a cure only what ifs, self-conceited deceits?
Basic Approach
Yesterday, a friend SMS me and asked me if I considered going to the Gerson Clinic? Well this was considered in November 2009 but I think at this moment, a revisit of this approach would not harm. When all seems lost, we go back to the basics. The Gerson Therapy had worked for me in the beginning and now with the help of professionals, it may give me the bite that I was looking for. It would also appear that the payout from this approach is not worst off than the hybrid approach, at least it had worked for me for a while while the hybrid approach is totally experimental with preceived better outcome, a mere hypothesis.
Where Is All These Leading To?
Some of my friends says I am slowly surrending mentally and emotionally as the disease take its toll on me. But the plan is not mine to dictate. I am both tired mentally and physically dragged by the wave of emotions. There are so many blanks. This is a pathetic situation for me to be in and I wish it would be a better scenario. But it was not to be.
I would want to live on, there is so much to live for but the reality is that I am hanging on by desperation. I am only responding in the way I know how perhaps I know deep inside me this may be my last hope of my own salvation. Or could it be in my haste I have condenmed myself?
I am unable to think further, I have no answers, I am totally lost! But the clock is ticking. Now that I have finished, seems a good time for emotional release.
From A Little Book of Happiness
I had wanted to do this post for sometime now and I think the time is ripe for me to answer a few qestions that is been troubling my mind since I started this cancer therapy. The surgery date is getting closer and I need to confirm if I want to proceed with the surgery or not. The fact that I am postponing the decision tells you that I am totally lost perhaps blinded by fear. Confidence has deserted me.
In the beginning, it was more straight forward because I wanted to try alternative therapy and it became obvious what my choice is. Basically to leave every tumor inside my body and allow the natural healing to take place using the therapies that I have choosen.
Now, one year later I am still being confronted by the same question. This time round, the latest scans in August 2010 showed that the tumors is progressing as confirmed by my oncologists. My options are still the same as that one year ago only that a new treatment, interferon has been added to my palate of choices. All these choices leads to death. I will die surely but only a question of when. Going by the survival median, from the oncological point of view, it look more like 10 months.
My dabble at alternative medicine has so far gave me a little hope but even that, judged from the current prespective is fading. What seems to be working or at least holding back the tumor's advancement is no longer working so well. I'm faced with a renew threat. My weight seems to be declining. This is always on the background and suddendly it seems to be working fulltime in the foreground as if tumor put special focus to it. I still cannot fathom what's going on inside me, the feel good factor on the outside is there and yet inside I live day to day with the fear of the disease, of suffering and of dying. As I grapple with the new development, the brave face that I am fronting is slowly but surely crumpling. What is positively positive is slowly becoming less positive as each day progresses.
Faced with this situation, I am under tremendous stress to do something or is there anything I can do or not do? The decision that I make will either make me look brave or plain stupid but that is only for my ego, something I thought I got rid off long ago but now staring point blank at my face. Either way, I may be gambling with my life as stake with gambling odds heavily againt me. If I come out unscratched, I just won the hand but on the other hand, I lose the game. Seems so strange with such betting odds but this is the strange game of cancer that I am in. I can chose to decline the game. Let me tell you the rules.
The Rules
From oncological standpoint, the following have been established:
a. There is no cure.
b. Any treatment is only for extension of life of about 10 months.
c. There is no advantage on extension of life by removing the tumor kidney although two recent large studies showed that there may be a slight gain of between 3 months and 12 months.
d. There is a possibility of spontenous remission after surgery but more for small tumors and even that is rare.
From alternative medicine point of view the following has been observed:
a. There is a possible cure.
b. If cure is not possible, extension of life can be expected but there is no stratistics of how long the extension is. At the time of this post, 13 months is my current record.
Hybrid Approach
Going full conventional is like condeming myself to death while going alternative is slowly condeming myself to death too, at least that how's the latest scan points to and also if the current developments of my body continues this way.
My survival instinct kicks in and therein lies a glimmer of hope, at least a chance to improve my present situation but like all decisions, there are great risks involved. More often than not, the payout seems rather pittance for such major risks. This is because the current situation is favouring the banker. I must be one desperate gambler or nicely put, an optimist.
The hybrid approach utilises part of the conventional approach and part of the alternative approach. Basically, to go for surgery and follow the alternative therapies. Individually each of these approaches has some benefits but when it is combined, the hypothesis is can I get more synergy out of the two when combined? Other outcomes are not surving the surgery or if survive the surgery succumb to the diease that continues to ravage the body when the body is in the process of healing from surgery, statistically usually within a 6 months period. Stll it does not promises a cure only what ifs, self-conceited deceits?
Basic Approach
Yesterday, a friend SMS me and asked me if I considered going to the Gerson Clinic? Well this was considered in November 2009 but I think at this moment, a revisit of this approach would not harm. When all seems lost, we go back to the basics. The Gerson Therapy had worked for me in the beginning and now with the help of professionals, it may give me the bite that I was looking for. It would also appear that the payout from this approach is not worst off than the hybrid approach, at least it had worked for me for a while while the hybrid approach is totally experimental with preceived better outcome, a mere hypothesis.
Where Is All These Leading To?
Some of my friends says I am slowly surrending mentally and emotionally as the disease take its toll on me. But the plan is not mine to dictate. I am both tired mentally and physically dragged by the wave of emotions. There are so many blanks. This is a pathetic situation for me to be in and I wish it would be a better scenario. But it was not to be.
I would want to live on, there is so much to live for but the reality is that I am hanging on by desperation. I am only responding in the way I know how perhaps I know deep inside me this may be my last hope of my own salvation. Or could it be in my haste I have condenmed myself?
I am unable to think further, I have no answers, I am totally lost! But the clock is ticking. Now that I have finished, seems a good time for emotional release.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Don't Give Up Hope On You!
You must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought.
Emmet Fox
Yesterday, a visitor to my blog, Eric Tai from Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia and he left a kind of a distress message on the comments. I have responded to his comments but felt that I need to do more because I am also concern about his sister. Today's blog is in dedication to Eric Tai's sister. I hope to be able to share with you your pain and at the same time offer you a little encouragement.
Eric, please have your sister read this or print it for her to read. If you can let me have her name, that would be even better. I would like to address to her directly.
First Thing First
Having cancer is not shameful and you should not be ashamed of yourself. Now is the time to even love youself more. Be commpassionate to yourself because you need yourself more than ever. Start the day with a smile, look at yourself in the mirror and not just smile to yourself, say I love you. Start each day with a postitive and compassionate tought. You are not just capable of loving yourself but also others around you despite your present condition.
All cancer patients cry when told they have cancer and cry you must. Recognise your pain and release it by crying. Do not engage in self pity. But there is also a time to stop. The doctors and your family and friends are there to support you but only you can heal yourself. It starts with you and you must chose a positive mindframe to continue to live. No matter how bad the doctors say your cancer is, cancer is not a death sentence. In fact thousands of people who are given only months to live, survived. I am given six months but has lived for 13 months now. Not only no cure, sure to go. The more they tell me I go, the more I won't go. This is because I did not give up on myself and so you must also not give up yourself. There are many people out there who cares about you. Even I, who do not know you, I feel for you, your pain and I know what you are going through. Open up your heart and give yourself that chance to heal.
You must not give up hope on yourself. You tell yourself to live long and then make the effort and the will to cure yourself.
Why Me?
Many cancer patients asks why me when they get cancer? Have you ever wonder when you strike lottery or when good fortune is riding with you, have you ever asked the question why me? How come you don't ask during good times? So only good times, no why me and when bad times you ask why me. In life you go through good and bad times. So you see, there is no why me. Do you know animals also get cancer too?
There are many people out in the world who are not cancer patients but live a life more difficult than a cancer patient for their rest of their lives. So count on your blessing of what you have now. You also have a very supporting brother.
Choosing Your Therapies
I do not know what stage of the cancer you are now in. The first things you should (and I believe you have) do is to see your doctors. The doctors will give you some recommendations for you to consider.
Conventional Medication
This is normally your starting point. Please get all the information you should know from your doctors and normally you will get second and third opinions. Please do all that but it is not good enough.
Sometimes the doctors only tell you some of it and no ask, no tell policy. You must also read from other sources from the Internet and from books about your type of cancer. This is to give you a balance view and also know what questions to ask about when you see your doctors. Get family/friends to help you as well. With these information, then you can make a decision on what you want or can do.
Even if the doctors say there is no cure, do not panic and lose hope. There are alternatives. The doctors do not know everything, only things they have studied and many other things they have not studied. They are only telling from their point of view.
Conventional medicine is a direct medicine meaning it goes and treat the cancer directly. Therefore if they work, they very quickly kill the diease. But you should also know they are treating only the symptoms of the diease and not the root cause. For example, think of white ants (as cancers) infecting a wall of your house. You can quickly spray insecticides and the white ants that come into contact will die. But do you think you have killed all the white ants? Don't forget, their home base could be somewhere in the house. That's why there are many cases of recurrence.
Alternative Medicines
Selecting an alternative medicine is much more complicated than conventional medicine. Many of your friends will email and supply you with this or that therapy. They all have good intentions and we appreciate them for taking the time to get those information for us. You can also search the Internet and get even more choices. So what do you do?
It has been establised medically that the body's immune system can fight any diease in the body. However for certain reasons, some of the major organs in your body has mulfunctioned, not doing its job and hence allowed the cancer to grow. So it follows that if you want to use this approach to fight cancer, all your therapies you select must support this believe.
So how do you choose a therapy? Very difficult question and I hope the following can be guidelines to you when doing your selection. Remember, no one can choose for you, only you can choose because it's your life. It's also not fair to have others take on the burden to choose for you. Some guidelines (my views and you can choose to differ):
- Read some basic understanding about cancer and how it grows.
- Read and understand fully the therapy.
- Does the therapy covers everything? So you may want to read many more therapies before decicing. Many established cancer therapy covers (a) diet, (b) detoxification and (c) supplements. Basically you decide what are appropriate and if you believe it can heal you, then that's the therapy.
- Do not mix and match unless you know what you are doing. Remember your life is at stake.
- Once you selected the therapy, do it as full as you can. Have faith in the therapy and allow time for the therapy to take effect. It can be many months before you see results. So choose wisely because you may only get once chance.
- What works for one may not be so effective on you because we are all different. However, we need to start from somewhere. Get professional advice/help if possible.
- You can use more than one therapy if and only if they are complementary. How do you know? You don't most of the time and you need to read to find out. It must not contradict with what you are doing.
- If you must deviate from your therapy, understand what the consequences are before you do it.
Other Therapies
Herbs, diet and supplements are just the physical part of the therapy. Some research has shown that psychological aspects could be a factor of healing. Some of the cancer survivors tells me that they also do emotional healing besides spiritual healing. You must also read up on this area. Perhaps the approach is first to stabilise your condition and then look at other therapies that you can use.
If you need more information on these areas, do contact me and I will share with you.
Qi gong has been reported to be beneficial to healing of cancer.
Good Luck
Speak to friends and others about your options and then decide on it. You must take the first step in this long journey and no matter what happens, you know you have done your best.
Although I am still far away from being cured, my 13+ months journey thus far has been up and down just like any other normal person would go through. At least I enjoyed a good 13+ months of quality life and I hope more to come. I can have all these because I did not give up and I work hard for it.
You can too have the same and do better. If you can read my blog, please read the the story of Joanne. Thousands of people which have no cured are cured and you will soon be the next.
So good luck to your journey. Remember not to isolate yourself and talk to your family and friends. They and many others including people whom you don't know, like me for example also care for you. So don't give up on yourself. You can do it!
Emmet Fox
Yesterday, a visitor to my blog, Eric Tai from Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia and he left a kind of a distress message on the comments. I have responded to his comments but felt that I need to do more because I am also concern about his sister. Today's blog is in dedication to Eric Tai's sister. I hope to be able to share with you your pain and at the same time offer you a little encouragement.
Eric, please have your sister read this or print it for her to read. If you can let me have her name, that would be even better. I would like to address to her directly.
First Thing First
Having cancer is not shameful and you should not be ashamed of yourself. Now is the time to even love youself more. Be commpassionate to yourself because you need yourself more than ever. Start the day with a smile, look at yourself in the mirror and not just smile to yourself, say I love you. Start each day with a postitive and compassionate tought. You are not just capable of loving yourself but also others around you despite your present condition.
All cancer patients cry when told they have cancer and cry you must. Recognise your pain and release it by crying. Do not engage in self pity. But there is also a time to stop. The doctors and your family and friends are there to support you but only you can heal yourself. It starts with you and you must chose a positive mindframe to continue to live. No matter how bad the doctors say your cancer is, cancer is not a death sentence. In fact thousands of people who are given only months to live, survived. I am given six months but has lived for 13 months now. Not only no cure, sure to go. The more they tell me I go, the more I won't go. This is because I did not give up on myself and so you must also not give up yourself. There are many people out there who cares about you. Even I, who do not know you, I feel for you, your pain and I know what you are going through. Open up your heart and give yourself that chance to heal.
You must not give up hope on yourself. You tell yourself to live long and then make the effort and the will to cure yourself.
Why Me?
Many cancer patients asks why me when they get cancer? Have you ever wonder when you strike lottery or when good fortune is riding with you, have you ever asked the question why me? How come you don't ask during good times? So only good times, no why me and when bad times you ask why me. In life you go through good and bad times. So you see, there is no why me. Do you know animals also get cancer too?
There are many people out in the world who are not cancer patients but live a life more difficult than a cancer patient for their rest of their lives. So count on your blessing of what you have now. You also have a very supporting brother.
Choosing Your Therapies
I do not know what stage of the cancer you are now in. The first things you should (and I believe you have) do is to see your doctors. The doctors will give you some recommendations for you to consider.
Conventional Medication
This is normally your starting point. Please get all the information you should know from your doctors and normally you will get second and third opinions. Please do all that but it is not good enough.
Sometimes the doctors only tell you some of it and no ask, no tell policy. You must also read from other sources from the Internet and from books about your type of cancer. This is to give you a balance view and also know what questions to ask about when you see your doctors. Get family/friends to help you as well. With these information, then you can make a decision on what you want or can do.
Even if the doctors say there is no cure, do not panic and lose hope. There are alternatives. The doctors do not know everything, only things they have studied and many other things they have not studied. They are only telling from their point of view.
Conventional medicine is a direct medicine meaning it goes and treat the cancer directly. Therefore if they work, they very quickly kill the diease. But you should also know they are treating only the symptoms of the diease and not the root cause. For example, think of white ants (as cancers) infecting a wall of your house. You can quickly spray insecticides and the white ants that come into contact will die. But do you think you have killed all the white ants? Don't forget, their home base could be somewhere in the house. That's why there are many cases of recurrence.
Alternative Medicines
Selecting an alternative medicine is much more complicated than conventional medicine. Many of your friends will email and supply you with this or that therapy. They all have good intentions and we appreciate them for taking the time to get those information for us. You can also search the Internet and get even more choices. So what do you do?
It has been establised medically that the body's immune system can fight any diease in the body. However for certain reasons, some of the major organs in your body has mulfunctioned, not doing its job and hence allowed the cancer to grow. So it follows that if you want to use this approach to fight cancer, all your therapies you select must support this believe.
So how do you choose a therapy? Very difficult question and I hope the following can be guidelines to you when doing your selection. Remember, no one can choose for you, only you can choose because it's your life. It's also not fair to have others take on the burden to choose for you. Some guidelines (my views and you can choose to differ):
- Read some basic understanding about cancer and how it grows.
- Read and understand fully the therapy.
- Does the therapy covers everything? So you may want to read many more therapies before decicing. Many established cancer therapy covers (a) diet, (b) detoxification and (c) supplements. Basically you decide what are appropriate and if you believe it can heal you, then that's the therapy.
- Do not mix and match unless you know what you are doing. Remember your life is at stake.
- Once you selected the therapy, do it as full as you can. Have faith in the therapy and allow time for the therapy to take effect. It can be many months before you see results. So choose wisely because you may only get once chance.
- What works for one may not be so effective on you because we are all different. However, we need to start from somewhere. Get professional advice/help if possible.
- You can use more than one therapy if and only if they are complementary. How do you know? You don't most of the time and you need to read to find out. It must not contradict with what you are doing.
- If you must deviate from your therapy, understand what the consequences are before you do it.
Other Therapies
Herbs, diet and supplements are just the physical part of the therapy. Some research has shown that psychological aspects could be a factor of healing. Some of the cancer survivors tells me that they also do emotional healing besides spiritual healing. You must also read up on this area. Perhaps the approach is first to stabilise your condition and then look at other therapies that you can use.
If you need more information on these areas, do contact me and I will share with you.
Qi gong has been reported to be beneficial to healing of cancer.
Good Luck
Speak to friends and others about your options and then decide on it. You must take the first step in this long journey and no matter what happens, you know you have done your best.
Although I am still far away from being cured, my 13+ months journey thus far has been up and down just like any other normal person would go through. At least I enjoyed a good 13+ months of quality life and I hope more to come. I can have all these because I did not give up and I work hard for it.
You can too have the same and do better. If you can read my blog, please read the the story of Joanne. Thousands of people which have no cured are cured and you will soon be the next.
So good luck to your journey. Remember not to isolate yourself and talk to your family and friends. They and many others including people whom you don't know, like me for example also care for you. So don't give up on yourself. You can do it!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Lack Of Understanding Is Dangerous
The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.
Remez Sasson
Today has been a very busy day for me. Suffice to say I spent quite a lot of time doing some spiritual work. In between doing the therapy and hence I only managed to sit down now to blog, that also after doing my night enema.
Hypnotherapy - Part 3
My hypnotherapist, Dr Chong has been checking on me regularly reminding me to practice total relaxation. She is keeping me on my toes. I have been doing only one session i.e. before I retire to bed and not the morning session because I need to go for qi gong, yes I know lame excuse. Just got the mp3 player and will make it up in mid morning instead.
Dr Chong has also offered to give me two more sessions (for free!) to help me. The second session will be to instill confidence in the therapy while the third session will be for regression.
What can I say? It not whether the therapy is free or not but she takes the effort to check up on me and reminding me. I am touched by such gestures. I am blessed to have her as my hypnotherapist. I intent to make full use of the sessions.
Lessons From Foo Hee Boon: Gifts of Life
I have just managed to complete reading Hee Boon's book. It was not so easy reading it at one go because he makes me cry. So I have to pace out but I could not control as the book near ends. Tears just rolled, no chance to control at all! What a journey it has been for him. Not easy, full of courage and difficult decisions to make. Do you know, no matter how many people are caring for you, the journey is very lonely and only you can make the decisions. He has lessons to share and I would like to talk a little about it as well from my viewpoint. This is not meant to critise for there is no such intention. The reason why he choose to make his journey public is for us to learn and benefit from his experience. Likewise, I expect others to also do the same about my therapies and I welcome such reviews/criticisms.
Choosing The Therapies
No matter what orientation a cancer patient has, there comes a point when all our believes just crumple and we hang on to whatever hope there is still left there. He started with the alternative medicines and progressively move back to conventional medicine.
Selecting any therapy to take is VERY DIFFICULT and it is an self experiment on our own body. We pay with our life for the mistakes we make by the therapy that we choose. You should also note that even when two persons have the same cancer and similar prognosis, taking the same therapy does not guarantee identical results. Why? This is because each individual's body immune system, state of mind and general health of the individual are very different.
While I will not comment on his choice of therapies, I think I need to point out one particular therapy that he did. This is because I think he erred in the understanding of the requirements of the therapy and if left unexplained, may give readers the impression about the effectiveness of the therapy which by the way is also not guaranteed. So what am I talking about?
On page 54, he says that he loosely follows the Gerson therapy (GT) and he went on to describe which area of the therapy that he adopted. There are quite a number of therapy that is quite similar to GT and if you read what areas that he followed in GT, I would leave you to conclude whether he followed the GT loosely or not. His diet was close, he did 6 or 7 juices (out of 13 recommended) a day, did not do coffee enema detox and did not take any of the recommended supplements. In between, he took outside food from restaurants and friends which is strictly prohibited. GT recommends a 18 to 24 months regime and he already deviated as early as 3 months into the therapy.
On page 162, as his cancer progressed further (24 April 2006, 13 months later), he did a review on whether the food therapy helped and he reported that "I am not sure. Maybe it did. ... Perhaps the cancer was too advance for the diet change to make a difference?" On the same day, he abandoned the cancer diet totally.
On page 44, his lung node was biopsied at around 2cm (first discovered on 12 March 2005). By 1 May, his tumor has metastasize to the bone and chest area. To give you an idea of severity, I had two lungs nodes of over 3cm on both my lungs and further 45 smaller nodes all over the lungs (besides my primary site 14cm kidney tumor). There is just no medicine for me, as my doctors would say.
The point I am making is this. Understand the therapy that you are doing, read the warnings if any (Dr Max Gerson said if cannot follow the requirements strictly, don't do it!), have faith in the therapy and give sometime for the therapy to work. Understand the deviation that you are doing and also its consequences because the price maybe your life!
Remez Sasson
Today has been a very busy day for me. Suffice to say I spent quite a lot of time doing some spiritual work. In between doing the therapy and hence I only managed to sit down now to blog, that also after doing my night enema.
Hypnotherapy - Part 3
My hypnotherapist, Dr Chong has been checking on me regularly reminding me to practice total relaxation. She is keeping me on my toes. I have been doing only one session i.e. before I retire to bed and not the morning session because I need to go for qi gong, yes I know lame excuse. Just got the mp3 player and will make it up in mid morning instead.
Dr Chong has also offered to give me two more sessions (for free!) to help me. The second session will be to instill confidence in the therapy while the third session will be for regression.
What can I say? It not whether the therapy is free or not but she takes the effort to check up on me and reminding me. I am touched by such gestures. I am blessed to have her as my hypnotherapist. I intent to make full use of the sessions.
Lessons From Foo Hee Boon: Gifts of Life
I have just managed to complete reading Hee Boon's book. It was not so easy reading it at one go because he makes me cry. So I have to pace out but I could not control as the book near ends. Tears just rolled, no chance to control at all! What a journey it has been for him. Not easy, full of courage and difficult decisions to make. Do you know, no matter how many people are caring for you, the journey is very lonely and only you can make the decisions. He has lessons to share and I would like to talk a little about it as well from my viewpoint. This is not meant to critise for there is no such intention. The reason why he choose to make his journey public is for us to learn and benefit from his experience. Likewise, I expect others to also do the same about my therapies and I welcome such reviews/criticisms.
Choosing The Therapies
No matter what orientation a cancer patient has, there comes a point when all our believes just crumple and we hang on to whatever hope there is still left there. He started with the alternative medicines and progressively move back to conventional medicine.
Selecting any therapy to take is VERY DIFFICULT and it is an self experiment on our own body. We pay with our life for the mistakes we make by the therapy that we choose. You should also note that even when two persons have the same cancer and similar prognosis, taking the same therapy does not guarantee identical results. Why? This is because each individual's body immune system, state of mind and general health of the individual are very different.
While I will not comment on his choice of therapies, I think I need to point out one particular therapy that he did. This is because I think he erred in the understanding of the requirements of the therapy and if left unexplained, may give readers the impression about the effectiveness of the therapy which by the way is also not guaranteed. So what am I talking about?
On page 54, he says that he loosely follows the Gerson therapy (GT) and he went on to describe which area of the therapy that he adopted. There are quite a number of therapy that is quite similar to GT and if you read what areas that he followed in GT, I would leave you to conclude whether he followed the GT loosely or not. His diet was close, he did 6 or 7 juices (out of 13 recommended) a day, did not do coffee enema detox and did not take any of the recommended supplements. In between, he took outside food from restaurants and friends which is strictly prohibited. GT recommends a 18 to 24 months regime and he already deviated as early as 3 months into the therapy.
On page 162, as his cancer progressed further (24 April 2006, 13 months later), he did a review on whether the food therapy helped and he reported that "I am not sure. Maybe it did. ... Perhaps the cancer was too advance for the diet change to make a difference?" On the same day, he abandoned the cancer diet totally.
On page 44, his lung node was biopsied at around 2cm (first discovered on 12 March 2005). By 1 May, his tumor has metastasize to the bone and chest area. To give you an idea of severity, I had two lungs nodes of over 3cm on both my lungs and further 45 smaller nodes all over the lungs (besides my primary site 14cm kidney tumor). There is just no medicine for me, as my doctors would say.
The point I am making is this. Understand the therapy that you are doing, read the warnings if any (Dr Max Gerson said if cannot follow the requirements strictly, don't do it!), have faith in the therapy and give sometime for the therapy to work. Understand the deviation that you are doing and also its consequences because the price maybe your life!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Health Status @ 16 October 2010
Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.
Nicholas Murray Butler
New information are presented in italics.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 65.9kgs, a decrease of 1.1kg compared to last week. Midweek, I lost about 0.5kg. Looks like I just have to continue with project "Eat More". My only complain so far is my buttocks. The weight loss has caused me to lose more muscles making it difficult for me to sit. Otherwise, I feel good.
Started the hypnotherapy last Tuesday and had a good first session. My hypnotherapist has given me a script and also a mp3 voice script to help me into the process of relaxation. Will be trying out this weekend. My existing MP3 player (my 3rd todate) just went kaputt, so I will buying a replacement.
Verdict
A good but tyring week.
Nicholas Murray Butler
New information are presented in italics.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 65.9kgs, a decrease of 1.1kg compared to last week. Midweek, I lost about 0.5kg. Looks like I just have to continue with project "Eat More". My only complain so far is my buttocks. The weight loss has caused me to lose more muscles making it difficult for me to sit. Otherwise, I feel good.
Started the hypnotherapy last Tuesday and had a good first session. My hypnotherapist has given me a script and also a mp3 voice script to help me into the process of relaxation. Will be trying out this weekend. My existing MP3 player (my 3rd todate) just went kaputt, so I will buying a replacement.
Verdict
A good but tyring week.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Body Report
Optimism means expecting the best, but confidence means knowing how to handle the worst. Never make a move if you are merely optimistic.
The Zurich Axioms
As cancer patient's confidence is razor thin, it is obvious they are not very good in handling the worst of situations. Having friends and family members to support are then crucial because I need to draw strength from them when such situation arises.
It's been a while since I reported about my body condition. Lets see.
Lymph Node
The lymph node on me left collar bone are is still there. The marble size of the node is about the same and is not giving me any pain. However, the neck area has never been the same, now I do feel pain on both my left and right shoulders, just like in my pre cancer days. I do self massage my applying pressure at strategic areas to relief pain. I am afraid of going to a massuer because the after pain of a massage is even worst. I also noticed on my left neck just above the lymph node is getting a litter larger, not sure if this has anything to do with the thyroid.
My Weight
Weight wise, I am now 66.7kgs and I have been hovering around this range for a while already. Pincing my buttocks is one of the easiest test to tell myself if I am losing muscles. Apparently I found out many cancer patients actually do this test too. Because we sit on our buttocks, naturally any pain that arises from it would give a good indication of the amount of flesh and muscles left. Yes, I can feel the bones, no wonder I am getting more pain when sitting. I can't even wear my old size 34 jeans without a belt. The trousers would just slipped down!
I used to have a full butt and did I tell you I was molested once on my butt while working in Saudi Arabia? I didn't want to know who did it, my thoughts were just to run to a safe place. Later I learned one of our male colleagues was brutally gang raped, some years back. I am also one of those few people who like to take 30mins long walks back from office to the apartment after work, especially during winter time, the cold air brushing against my face. It allows me to relax and destress.
Chest Area
The chest area is behaving well but the last few days, I am experiencing irregular heartbeat. Coughing is also irregular and there are no traces of blood clots in the phelgm. Coughing is also not painful.
Back Area
Well, since the discovery of a tumor of size 3cm at the T6 area in March 2010, my back has never been the same. It's pain brother. It normally occurs on both sides just below the shoulder blade area. This pain is not consistent, some days it would be pain free while at other days, you feel the pain of ants biting.
Now, just underneath my arm pits, I can also feel some pain. I am not sure if it relates to my sleeping position. I do not sleep on my right side anymore due to the tumor mass. I can feel a lump and it makes me uncomfotable, so I have been sleeping on my left side or facing up which is not my favourate sleeping position. But I have little choice.
Abdominal Area
The right side is where my tumor lives. It behaves well most of the time but every now and then (3 eposides todate), I would get to urinate blood, like cherry water. Occasionally I get this thumping dull pain. I have no problem with that.
Thighs and Legs
I used to have the footballer kind of thighs, full and musculer. Now, it reflects more of a guy who's dieting program has gone wrong. I do self message to ease the pain.
Energy Levels
My physical energy levels is still low when compared to June 2010. Doing squatting exercises in qi gong is a littel more difficult now.
My for hei which is Cantonese, literally translated means heat energy or internal energy is still very strong. You can sense the firey inside me when I am talking about topics that are passionate to me. This is good and it means my survival outlook is still very strong.
My Mind
Sometimes I think I am a prisoner of my own emotions. I think it operates on two levels, the virtual and the physical level.
I have been receiving nothing but bad news about my cancer cures since the day I learned about my cancer and after a while, I learn to deal with it. I virtualise the news/information. Now, no matter what type of bad reports you throw at me, it does not hurt anymore.
But on the physical level, the mind operates differently as I found out. For example, when I read reports that loss of body weight and cachexia is a sign that cancer is advancing and I would not have problems dealing with it. But when that event is now manifested physically and as I observe my body losing weight, my emotions have a better of me. This is because the event is real, you not only feel it but is a part of it. You need another set of skills to deal with it on a physical level. I have certainly not been doing good at this area but I am learning, including getting professional help.
The Zurich Axioms
As cancer patient's confidence is razor thin, it is obvious they are not very good in handling the worst of situations. Having friends and family members to support are then crucial because I need to draw strength from them when such situation arises.
It's been a while since I reported about my body condition. Lets see.
Lymph Node
The lymph node on me left collar bone are is still there. The marble size of the node is about the same and is not giving me any pain. However, the neck area has never been the same, now I do feel pain on both my left and right shoulders, just like in my pre cancer days. I do self massage my applying pressure at strategic areas to relief pain. I am afraid of going to a massuer because the after pain of a massage is even worst. I also noticed on my left neck just above the lymph node is getting a litter larger, not sure if this has anything to do with the thyroid.
My Weight
Weight wise, I am now 66.7kgs and I have been hovering around this range for a while already. Pincing my buttocks is one of the easiest test to tell myself if I am losing muscles. Apparently I found out many cancer patients actually do this test too. Because we sit on our buttocks, naturally any pain that arises from it would give a good indication of the amount of flesh and muscles left. Yes, I can feel the bones, no wonder I am getting more pain when sitting. I can't even wear my old size 34 jeans without a belt. The trousers would just slipped down!
I used to have a full butt and did I tell you I was molested once on my butt while working in Saudi Arabia? I didn't want to know who did it, my thoughts were just to run to a safe place. Later I learned one of our male colleagues was brutally gang raped, some years back. I am also one of those few people who like to take 30mins long walks back from office to the apartment after work, especially during winter time, the cold air brushing against my face. It allows me to relax and destress.
Chest Area
The chest area is behaving well but the last few days, I am experiencing irregular heartbeat. Coughing is also irregular and there are no traces of blood clots in the phelgm. Coughing is also not painful.
Back Area
Well, since the discovery of a tumor of size 3cm at the T6 area in March 2010, my back has never been the same. It's pain brother. It normally occurs on both sides just below the shoulder blade area. This pain is not consistent, some days it would be pain free while at other days, you feel the pain of ants biting.
Now, just underneath my arm pits, I can also feel some pain. I am not sure if it relates to my sleeping position. I do not sleep on my right side anymore due to the tumor mass. I can feel a lump and it makes me uncomfotable, so I have been sleeping on my left side or facing up which is not my favourate sleeping position. But I have little choice.
Abdominal Area
The right side is where my tumor lives. It behaves well most of the time but every now and then (3 eposides todate), I would get to urinate blood, like cherry water. Occasionally I get this thumping dull pain. I have no problem with that.
Thighs and Legs
I used to have the footballer kind of thighs, full and musculer. Now, it reflects more of a guy who's dieting program has gone wrong. I do self message to ease the pain.
Energy Levels
My physical energy levels is still low when compared to June 2010. Doing squatting exercises in qi gong is a littel more difficult now.
My for hei which is Cantonese, literally translated means heat energy or internal energy is still very strong. You can sense the firey inside me when I am talking about topics that are passionate to me. This is good and it means my survival outlook is still very strong.
My Mind
Sometimes I think I am a prisoner of my own emotions. I think it operates on two levels, the virtual and the physical level.
I have been receiving nothing but bad news about my cancer cures since the day I learned about my cancer and after a while, I learn to deal with it. I virtualise the news/information. Now, no matter what type of bad reports you throw at me, it does not hurt anymore.
But on the physical level, the mind operates differently as I found out. For example, when I read reports that loss of body weight and cachexia is a sign that cancer is advancing and I would not have problems dealing with it. But when that event is now manifested physically and as I observe my body losing weight, my emotions have a better of me. This is because the event is real, you not only feel it but is a part of it. You need another set of skills to deal with it on a physical level. I have certainly not been doing good at this area but I am learning, including getting professional help.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Calm After A Storm
Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.
Nicholas Murray Butler
Cancer patients are very sensitive to their bodies. Even a little twitch is a suspect, a deterioration or a bad sign. Confidence is razor thin. Of course, I have learn to live with these type of nuisance. But sometimes, certain developments could trigger a memory like what I experienced yesterday. It reminded me of the October/November 2009 time when I was losing weight. You can be positive for 99.9% of the time and just a small window of opportunity and it can ruin you. Such is a weak and not well trained mind of mine.
Getting Help
My friends have been reminding me time and again about having enough rests. Healing cancer requires lots of rests. Perhaps this explain why my results are mixed.
So I am getting help. I am hiring a maid to help me with the therapy so that I can have more time resting and doing meditation.
Doing A Part 3
I just completed Cancer Vanishing By Itself (How?) - Part 2 yesterday and I received a rather interesting email attachment from Dr Chong, my hypnotherapist. The report titled Spontaneous Regression of Metastatic Renal Cell Carcinoma: Case Report offers me another view of the treatment options available to me. I will do a Part 3 to share with you some my thoughts on this article. I will try to provide you the link to this article which is publised by the Journal of Medical Case Reports. If not, I will post as a separate post. It distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License which allows for unrestricted distribution.
Nicholas Murray Butler
Cancer patients are very sensitive to their bodies. Even a little twitch is a suspect, a deterioration or a bad sign. Confidence is razor thin. Of course, I have learn to live with these type of nuisance. But sometimes, certain developments could trigger a memory like what I experienced yesterday. It reminded me of the October/November 2009 time when I was losing weight. You can be positive for 99.9% of the time and just a small window of opportunity and it can ruin you. Such is a weak and not well trained mind of mine.
Getting Help
My friends have been reminding me time and again about having enough rests. Healing cancer requires lots of rests. Perhaps this explain why my results are mixed.
So I am getting help. I am hiring a maid to help me with the therapy so that I can have more time resting and doing meditation.
Doing A Part 3
I just completed Cancer Vanishing By Itself (How?) - Part 2 yesterday and I received a rather interesting email attachment from Dr Chong, my hypnotherapist. The report titled Spontaneous Regression of Metastatic Renal Cell Carcinoma: Case Report offers me another view of the treatment options available to me. I will do a Part 3 to share with you some my thoughts on this article. I will try to provide you the link to this article which is publised by the Journal of Medical Case Reports. If not, I will post as a separate post. It distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License which allows for unrestricted distribution.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The Tumors Strikes Back!
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope or confidence.
Helen Keller
I have chosen this positive thinking quote this morning because I am going to need it a lot, in fact that's what I only have left. I have been observing my buttocks and upper thighs for a few weeks now and I think what I fear most is happening. I think the next round of cachexia or wasting of muscles has started. It was very subtle and now more than ever I can feel it because it's becoming more painful to sit. A physical exmaination of the kidney tumor shows a visible mass just below the right ribcage. The loss of weight (0.5kg for now) has also points to this development. The tumor is advancing.
For the last two days, my heart beat has become slightly more irregular and especially when I lie down to sleep, the heart beat actually starts to slow down. I think my red blood cells count (RBC) is declining further. Although the lung areas seems clear, there is certainly something going on inside. Could this be start of the triggering point? A trigger point is when the cancer becomes agressive and keep advancing until it kills the host. It also means I start counting my days! Not again.
I am at wits end of what I can do further. Yes, more rests is the first item. What else? I have no answer for the moment. I will take some blood tests this afternoon to find out my situation.
Cancer Vanishing By Itself (How?) - Part 2
The traditional view is that cancer is a linear process that a cell is acquired by mutation, and little by little it grows. Mutations are not supposed to revert spontaneously but we know that's not true. Some cancers such a testicular cancer are known to disappear, though it does not happen often. This does not mean one does not treat cancer at the first opportunity but researches are trying to understand when is it appropriate to leave the tumors alone rather than removing it. To answer that question, they need to know not just how cancer develops but also how remission occurs. These information will help the doctors to make the decision but at this point in time, the answer remains elusive.
The growing evidence that cancer does reverse and are forcing researches and even sceptics to change their mind to reaccess their notions of what cancer is and how it develops.
According to Thea Tlsty, a professor of pathlogy at the University of California, cancer cells and precancer cells are so common that everyone by middle age or old age is riddled with them. This was discovered in autopsy of people that died of other diease but had no idea they had cancer cells or precancer cells. So the question is why are these people not getting cancer?
The medical fraternity has been championing early detection as possible cure to cancer such as screening for breast and prostate cancer and despite the large numbers of early detections, there was no corresponding decline in late stage cancers. Why?
The hypothesis is that early cancer go nowhere and there is indirect evidence breast cancer that some actually disappear. For kidney cancer, on learning there is a small lump on the kidneys, the acceptable practice is to take it out. What is interesting in the Canadian study as Dr Gleave asks is "It that always necessary?" For small kidney tumors, in a countrywide study by his university found that 80% do not change or actually regress over the next three years.
For me the more relevant questions are: How often do tumors progress? Do they ever disappear? Do they all need surgical excision? At what stage do most kidney cancers reach a point of no return?
Read Part I here.
Helen Keller
I have chosen this positive thinking quote this morning because I am going to need it a lot, in fact that's what I only have left. I have been observing my buttocks and upper thighs for a few weeks now and I think what I fear most is happening. I think the next round of cachexia or wasting of muscles has started. It was very subtle and now more than ever I can feel it because it's becoming more painful to sit. A physical exmaination of the kidney tumor shows a visible mass just below the right ribcage. The loss of weight (0.5kg for now) has also points to this development. The tumor is advancing.
For the last two days, my heart beat has become slightly more irregular and especially when I lie down to sleep, the heart beat actually starts to slow down. I think my red blood cells count (RBC) is declining further. Although the lung areas seems clear, there is certainly something going on inside. Could this be start of the triggering point? A trigger point is when the cancer becomes agressive and keep advancing until it kills the host. It also means I start counting my days! Not again.
I am at wits end of what I can do further. Yes, more rests is the first item. What else? I have no answer for the moment. I will take some blood tests this afternoon to find out my situation.
Cancer Vanishing By Itself (How?) - Part 2
The traditional view is that cancer is a linear process that a cell is acquired by mutation, and little by little it grows. Mutations are not supposed to revert spontaneously but we know that's not true. Some cancers such a testicular cancer are known to disappear, though it does not happen often. This does not mean one does not treat cancer at the first opportunity but researches are trying to understand when is it appropriate to leave the tumors alone rather than removing it. To answer that question, they need to know not just how cancer develops but also how remission occurs. These information will help the doctors to make the decision but at this point in time, the answer remains elusive.
The growing evidence that cancer does reverse and are forcing researches and even sceptics to change their mind to reaccess their notions of what cancer is and how it develops.
According to Thea Tlsty, a professor of pathlogy at the University of California, cancer cells and precancer cells are so common that everyone by middle age or old age is riddled with them. This was discovered in autopsy of people that died of other diease but had no idea they had cancer cells or precancer cells. So the question is why are these people not getting cancer?
The medical fraternity has been championing early detection as possible cure to cancer such as screening for breast and prostate cancer and despite the large numbers of early detections, there was no corresponding decline in late stage cancers. Why?
The hypothesis is that early cancer go nowhere and there is indirect evidence breast cancer that some actually disappear. For kidney cancer, on learning there is a small lump on the kidneys, the acceptable practice is to take it out. What is interesting in the Canadian study as Dr Gleave asks is "It that always necessary?" For small kidney tumors, in a countrywide study by his university found that 80% do not change or actually regress over the next three years.
For me the more relevant questions are: How often do tumors progress? Do they ever disappear? Do they all need surgical excision? At what stage do most kidney cancers reach a point of no return?
Read Part I here.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Birthday Wishes
Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.
Robert H. Schuller
Starting today, I will try and start my post with a positive and compassionate quote. Shyalpa Rinpoche says the best way to start your day is to have positive and compassionate thoughts. For cancer patients, I think this is very important not just to stay positive but to be compassionate not just to others and to oneself as well.
Last night, after I had the total relaxation therapy, I slept very well. This morning, after waking up, I did a short relaxation exercise.
Friends, thank you for all your SMSs. Today I celebrate my 51st birthday and I would like to make a sincere birthday wish for my complete healing.
Hypnotherapy - Part 2
Dr. YP Chong is much younger and prettier than I expected. Need to write some good things as I think she is also reading the blog. But seriously, she is. Very friendly and she also have dealth with a number of cancer patients and on a more personal experience, her mother was also a breast cancer patient, now cancer free for more than 10 years. She spends her day time at her own clinic as a General Practitioner while in the evenings, she helps patients who require clinical hypnotherapy.
She reviewed the events of my drowning incident and felt that in my own way I overcame the fear. So instead, she said she could help me to learn total relaxation and started to explain the therapy. Basically, it teaches the body to relax but add a twist to it. It's a guided, meaning I will stay in a relax mode and listen to her voice and then follow her instructions. She does have a very sweet and soft voice that made it easier to enter into relaxation mode and soon, I was in slumberland. When I awoke, I was recharged. I was semi awake mode during the therapy and yet at the same time, I still manage to hear her voice guiding me, but fading at times. Midway through she asked me to visualise a distant star and then bring it closer. She asked my visualise the energy from the star and use it to cleanse the tumor.
During post therapy, she said I need to practice this form of relaxation twice a day (morning after waking up and evening before sleeping). Once I become comfortable, then I need to be in touch with the tumor and "persuade" it to turn normal and subsequently have a "conference of organs" where I will talk to organs when I am in deep relaxation. During this time, I am in contact with the sub-concious level which controls the functioning of the organs. Well, it may sound unbelievable, but I believe.
Robert H. Schuller
Starting today, I will try and start my post with a positive and compassionate quote. Shyalpa Rinpoche says the best way to start your day is to have positive and compassionate thoughts. For cancer patients, I think this is very important not just to stay positive but to be compassionate not just to others and to oneself as well.
Last night, after I had the total relaxation therapy, I slept very well. This morning, after waking up, I did a short relaxation exercise.
Friends, thank you for all your SMSs. Today I celebrate my 51st birthday and I would like to make a sincere birthday wish for my complete healing.
Hypnotherapy - Part 2
Dr. YP Chong is much younger and prettier than I expected. Need to write some good things as I think she is also reading the blog. But seriously, she is. Very friendly and she also have dealth with a number of cancer patients and on a more personal experience, her mother was also a breast cancer patient, now cancer free for more than 10 years. She spends her day time at her own clinic as a General Practitioner while in the evenings, she helps patients who require clinical hypnotherapy.
She reviewed the events of my drowning incident and felt that in my own way I overcame the fear. So instead, she said she could help me to learn total relaxation and started to explain the therapy. Basically, it teaches the body to relax but add a twist to it. It's a guided, meaning I will stay in a relax mode and listen to her voice and then follow her instructions. She does have a very sweet and soft voice that made it easier to enter into relaxation mode and soon, I was in slumberland. When I awoke, I was recharged. I was semi awake mode during the therapy and yet at the same time, I still manage to hear her voice guiding me, but fading at times. Midway through she asked me to visualise a distant star and then bring it closer. She asked my visualise the energy from the star and use it to cleanse the tumor.
During post therapy, she said I need to practice this form of relaxation twice a day (morning after waking up and evening before sleeping). Once I become comfortable, then I need to be in touch with the tumor and "persuade" it to turn normal and subsequently have a "conference of organs" where I will talk to organs when I am in deep relaxation. During this time, I am in contact with the sub-concious level which controls the functioning of the organs. Well, it may sound unbelievable, but I believe.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Taking The First Unknown Step
I am glad that I attended the talk by Shyalpa Rinpoche. I can sum up his teachings in three words, practical, simple and profound! I follow the Theravada tradition and it's refreshing to listen to a Tibetan master. The various Buddhist traditions are like different vehicles makes. Each person may have preferences for certain vehicle makes but ultimately they all go to the same destination.
Yes, my trip to the highlands has been postponed possibly to next week. I feel good and need to get more sleep.
Today also marks the begining of my 14 months in therapy. A total of 395 days have passed.
Gerson Support Group
I had always wanted to form a small support group and last Saturday Christine arranged for me to meet with Noel and was later joined by Debbie. Christine has sort of become my first support member. Noel's uncle died of cancer and since then, he took a deep interest in cancer treatment. His work brings him to US regularly and he managed to visit the Gerson Institute in San Deigo and even met Charlotte Gerson in person. He is the only person that I have met who is not a cancer patient but knows so much about the Gerson Therapy (GT). He was kind enough to list down a number of points to share with me. One point that he made struck me spot on, rests! I admit, I really need more. Later Debbie and I had some fiery exchanges over some aspects of GT and it was done for better understanding.
He also said he know of someone who may be willing to provide some funding to allow us to form a support group. Bless you my friend. One of the main problems facing patients doing the GT is obtaining the supplements and the high costs of vegetables and fruits. Hopefully with a grouping, we can find ways to improve the situation. Despite his busy schedule, he was willing to become a support member to provide any help he could. As I myself is work-in-progress, therefore my situation is fluid. I think there is a need to have more support members and also cancer patients. There is nothing more convincing than a living example. A picture paints of thousand words.
I would like to make a wish and dedication. May our efforts to setup a support group be fruitful. May all the cancer caregivers and supporters of the world be blessed with abundance of life and health. May you all be well and happy always.
Hypnotherapy - Part 1
After searching and talking to some senior therapists, I managed to find Dr Chong. She is a medical doctor and also had training in hypnosis and believes it can help in the treatment of cancer. I gave her my medical history and she quickly responded with a date, that is this evening. Not the boy girl kind of thingy but my first step into the unknown.
So I will heading to her clinic to do my initial assessment and will report what happened. Oh, there will not be any juicy details, only the dried version. Anyway, there is no juice to extract in the first place, only knots to untie.
Yes, my trip to the highlands has been postponed possibly to next week. I feel good and need to get more sleep.
Today also marks the begining of my 14 months in therapy. A total of 395 days have passed.
Gerson Support Group
I had always wanted to form a small support group and last Saturday Christine arranged for me to meet with Noel and was later joined by Debbie. Christine has sort of become my first support member. Noel's uncle died of cancer and since then, he took a deep interest in cancer treatment. His work brings him to US regularly and he managed to visit the Gerson Institute in San Deigo and even met Charlotte Gerson in person. He is the only person that I have met who is not a cancer patient but knows so much about the Gerson Therapy (GT). He was kind enough to list down a number of points to share with me. One point that he made struck me spot on, rests! I admit, I really need more. Later Debbie and I had some fiery exchanges over some aspects of GT and it was done for better understanding.
He also said he know of someone who may be willing to provide some funding to allow us to form a support group. Bless you my friend. One of the main problems facing patients doing the GT is obtaining the supplements and the high costs of vegetables and fruits. Hopefully with a grouping, we can find ways to improve the situation. Despite his busy schedule, he was willing to become a support member to provide any help he could. As I myself is work-in-progress, therefore my situation is fluid. I think there is a need to have more support members and also cancer patients. There is nothing more convincing than a living example. A picture paints of thousand words.
I would like to make a wish and dedication. May our efforts to setup a support group be fruitful. May all the cancer caregivers and supporters of the world be blessed with abundance of life and health. May you all be well and happy always.
Hypnotherapy - Part 1
After searching and talking to some senior therapists, I managed to find Dr Chong. She is a medical doctor and also had training in hypnosis and believes it can help in the treatment of cancer. I gave her my medical history and she quickly responded with a date, that is this evening. Not the boy girl kind of thingy but my first step into the unknown.
So I will heading to her clinic to do my initial assessment and will report what happened. Oh, there will not be any juicy details, only the dried version. Anyway, there is no juice to extract in the first place, only knots to untie.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Its 10.10.10
What so special about today? Well today is 10.10.10 and for the Chinese, this is a good day to get married, everything is perfect. For those who are marrying, wishing you the best of life today and in the days to come.
I have prepared this post a little earlier as I need to attend a health talk given by the renowned Tibetan Shyalpa Rinpoche early in the morning. First, I got some good news about Joanne.
Update On Joanne
I received an email on Friday evening from my ex-colleague, Ms Tai and this is what she wrote:
I just came home from visiting Joanne. She has started on her new diet since the day you came to see her. Guess what - she is now able to walk without the walking aid.
It's a great achievement for her and her family.
WOW!, this is really great news Joanne and I am so happy for you. You have been on the Gerson diet for only 6 days! I hope you will continue to make good progress.
Cancer Vanishing By Itself (How?) - Part 1
I have wanted to do this in one part but I thought if I split into two parts, you would come back and visit again to read the conclusion. Can't blame a man trying to get you to come back and visit. But in actuality, the real reason is I ran out of time to finish it, so I had no choice but to do it in two. I also got carried away in the Canadian Study because it gave me a different insight to what I have already known.
I found an interesting read at The New York Times about cancer vanishing itself. Various types of cancers were discussed by my focus is on kidney cancer and in particular Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC), the type of cancer that I am having. At this juncture, I would like to inform you that I have been contacted by Oncologystat.com to include a link about RCC at OncologySTAT so that readers can read more about this cancer. Although I am doing alternative therapy, I think that is a fair request and I always believe the patient has the right to choose whichever therapy he or she sees fit. Resources from Elsevier’s OncologySTAT about RCC
Apparently researches in Canada have done a cancer regression study on small kidney cancers which are among the few cancers that reported to regressed occasionally, even when far advance cases. Hmmm, more hope for me. Obviously some will dispute the study since n=1, or what they called insufficient studies and you cannot just base it on just one sample study. We can debate this point until the cows come home and still not agree. So I prefer to continue. What is interesting in the result of the study is that there is no difference between patients (181 out of 197 patients evaluated, all with similar prognosis) treated with the Interferon Gamma-1b (91 patients) or placebo (90 patients) in terms of overall response rate.
Here they are not examining the placebo effects but rather patients were randomly given either Inteferon or placebo instead of being placed into two distinct groups as used in the placebo effect study. Another important point to note is that all the patients had two or more metastasis sites and the primary tumor has been treated with nephrectomy. For me, the most interesting information that I get from the study is that the median survival rate for Interferon treated patients = 12.2 months and placebo treated patients = 15.5 months. Hey, you live longer by not treating! As many as 6 percent who received placebo had tumors that shrank or remained stable. So much for my oncologist's recommendation on using Inteferon.
Read Part 2 here.
I have prepared this post a little earlier as I need to attend a health talk given by the renowned Tibetan Shyalpa Rinpoche early in the morning. First, I got some good news about Joanne.
Update On Joanne
I received an email on Friday evening from my ex-colleague, Ms Tai and this is what she wrote:
I just came home from visiting Joanne. She has started on her new diet since the day you came to see her. Guess what - she is now able to walk without the walking aid.
It's a great achievement for her and her family.
WOW!, this is really great news Joanne and I am so happy for you. You have been on the Gerson diet for only 6 days! I hope you will continue to make good progress.
Cancer Vanishing By Itself (How?) - Part 1
I have wanted to do this in one part but I thought if I split into two parts, you would come back and visit again to read the conclusion. Can't blame a man trying to get you to come back and visit. But in actuality, the real reason is I ran out of time to finish it, so I had no choice but to do it in two. I also got carried away in the Canadian Study because it gave me a different insight to what I have already known.
I found an interesting read at The New York Times about cancer vanishing itself. Various types of cancers were discussed by my focus is on kidney cancer and in particular Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC), the type of cancer that I am having. At this juncture, I would like to inform you that I have been contacted by Oncologystat.com to include a link about RCC at OncologySTAT so that readers can read more about this cancer. Although I am doing alternative therapy, I think that is a fair request and I always believe the patient has the right to choose whichever therapy he or she sees fit. Resources from Elsevier’s OncologySTAT about RCC
Apparently researches in Canada have done a cancer regression study on small kidney cancers which are among the few cancers that reported to regressed occasionally, even when far advance cases. Hmmm, more hope for me. Obviously some will dispute the study since n=1, or what they called insufficient studies and you cannot just base it on just one sample study. We can debate this point until the cows come home and still not agree. So I prefer to continue. What is interesting in the result of the study is that there is no difference between patients (181 out of 197 patients evaluated, all with similar prognosis) treated with the Interferon Gamma-1b (91 patients) or placebo (90 patients) in terms of overall response rate.
Here they are not examining the placebo effects but rather patients were randomly given either Inteferon or placebo instead of being placed into two distinct groups as used in the placebo effect study. Another important point to note is that all the patients had two or more metastasis sites and the primary tumor has been treated with nephrectomy. For me, the most interesting information that I get from the study is that the median survival rate for Interferon treated patients = 12.2 months and placebo treated patients = 15.5 months. Hey, you live longer by not treating! As many as 6 percent who received placebo had tumors that shrank or remained stable. So much for my oncologist's recommendation on using Inteferon.
Read Part 2 here.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Health Status @ 9 October 2010
New information are presented in italics.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 67kgs, a slight increase 0.5kg compared to last week. Project "Eat More" which is nothing more than eat as much and as when I like, did not bring in the results. My body feels good and physically energy is improving. Pain were at the usual places and more pronounced around the buttocks area and upper thighs. Had one episode of blood in urine and some tissue discharge as well during urination.
I will resume my coffee enema to three times (currently two) a day starting tomorrow as I think everything is back to normal.
Since I started looking into the psychological aspects of my life, I am not only happier now but more at peace with myself and I have a piece of good news to share with you tomorrow. There are still a lot more work to be done in these areas.
Verdict
A good and happy week.
Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Possibly also spread to the liver.
Latest scan on 26 August 2010 showed slight improvement and the bigger nodes in my lungs are now smaller. However, the kidney tumor has grown slightly bigger to 15cm.
Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.
My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.
Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:
a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment
MAIN THERAPIES
a. Modified Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Initially, four times a day for four weeks, every four hours apart. Currently three times a day in the morning, afternoon and evening for 15 minutes. Commence castor oil enema from 23 January 2010.
a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 11 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 7am and ending 7pm. 5 apple+carrot, 2 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly. Liver supplements are taken together with carrot juices. Added snake plant leaves to carrot+apple juices.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, B12, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin and Q10.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.
b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 13 November 2010.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.
e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.
Health Status
Currently weighs 67kgs, a slight increase 0.5kg compared to last week. Project "Eat More" which is nothing more than eat as much and as when I like, did not bring in the results. My body feels good and physically energy is improving. Pain were at the usual places and more pronounced around the buttocks area and upper thighs. Had one episode of blood in urine and some tissue discharge as well during urination.
I will resume my coffee enema to three times (currently two) a day starting tomorrow as I think everything is back to normal.
Since I started looking into the psychological aspects of my life, I am not only happier now but more at peace with myself and I have a piece of good news to share with you tomorrow. There are still a lot more work to be done in these areas.
Verdict
A good and happy week.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Looking Deeper Into Oneself
Today, everything seems to be in order. No problems what so ever. Must have more of such days!
One of my ex-Saudi colleague Adam contacted me out of the blue. Didn't recognised his English name as he used a different name while in Saudi. We lost contact for a few years and I am glad that he contacted me. He is also one of the helpful guys you want to be around with. Unassuming and ever willing to help. Looking forward to talk and meet him.
So Much To Do
I just said yesterday I will have to slow down and before I know it, there is so much to do! Sigh... Preparing for the outstation trip is not so simple for me because I need to bring stuffs like the juicer, get sufficient vegetables and etc but this is not the problem. I need to resolve some family transportation issue.
My daughter's car which has been in the workshop for almost 3 weeks now since her accident and is still not ready. So I may have to postpone my Cameron trip for another week because I need to sort out and get her car back before I can go for my retreat. Don't know why it takes so long for a simple accident!
Exploring Hypnosis
From some literature that I read, I believe there are some phychological issues that I need to resolve. According to www.hypnosisseattle.com, healing of past trauma can accomplished through hypnosis. During a hypnotic trance you can safely, from a distance, go back and view old traumatic events with a new perspective. Re-processing these events "takes the sting" out of them. If done correctly, after a hypnotic review of a past traumatic event, you will still recall the event, it just won't seem as emotionally charged to you.
This is one of the areas I am now exploring.
One of my ex-Saudi colleague Adam contacted me out of the blue. Didn't recognised his English name as he used a different name while in Saudi. We lost contact for a few years and I am glad that he contacted me. He is also one of the helpful guys you want to be around with. Unassuming and ever willing to help. Looking forward to talk and meet him.
So Much To Do
I just said yesterday I will have to slow down and before I know it, there is so much to do! Sigh... Preparing for the outstation trip is not so simple for me because I need to bring stuffs like the juicer, get sufficient vegetables and etc but this is not the problem. I need to resolve some family transportation issue.
My daughter's car which has been in the workshop for almost 3 weeks now since her accident and is still not ready. So I may have to postpone my Cameron trip for another week because I need to sort out and get her car back before I can go for my retreat. Don't know why it takes so long for a simple accident!
Exploring Hypnosis
From some literature that I read, I believe there are some phychological issues that I need to resolve. According to www.hypnosisseattle.com, healing of past trauma can accomplished through hypnosis. During a hypnotic trance you can safely, from a distance, go back and view old traumatic events with a new perspective. Re-processing these events "takes the sting" out of them. If done correctly, after a hypnotic review of a past traumatic event, you will still recall the event, it just won't seem as emotionally charged to you.
This is one of the areas I am now exploring.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Getting Ready For Time Off
This morning at about 10.30am, while I was about to start my morning enema, I had another episode of bvlood in urine. This time, besides the blood, I also had a lump of tissue discharge, not too sure if it was blood clot, tissues or what. The only consolation was that I did not experience any pain before the discharge. If there was excruiating pain before the discharge, then I can be sure it's a bad development.
Farewell Mama S
Sometime ago I wrote about my encounter with this 72 year old lady, a case of relapsed breast cancer patient that spread to the liver. Her daughter called me yesterday afternoon to inform me that her mother passed away last Sunday. I was sad to hear the news and yet at the same time relieved because she was in severe pain during the final stages. Her daughter said her mother lived longer (about 19 months) than what the doctors predicted. For her age, she is one determined lady and tried to followed the Gerson diet as close as possible. She even did coffee enema once a day! She had good quality of life except for her last weeks when she was in pain. Her daughter thinks the diet helped her mother to live longer.
About 3 weeks earlier she has requested to see me after experiencing some pain but since I could not help her, I declined. I am now regretting the decision perhaps she knew and was trying to bid farewell to me.
In Buddhist tradition, may you have a good rebirth Mama S.
Slowing Down
A few people have constantly reminded me to slow down and take a break from cancer. Christine in particular. I am also fortunate that Joanne of New Zealand wrote to me earlier and has been providing me not only encouragement and support, she even wrote in detail what she did during her cancer days. I look forward to meet her in person when she comes to Malaysia in December, not only to thank her in person but to have thanksgiving lunch/dinner with her.
It would appear to me from Joanne's email and also some books I read, that my present concentration on the physical aspects of the therapy is not good enough. Of course, this is a matter of one's own choice whether to do or not. I need to look at the non physical aspects as well. So I am planning for another retreat new week. I will be taking time off from cancer and will spent three days in Cameron Highlands to recharge. Seek and you will find.
Farewell Mama S
Sometime ago I wrote about my encounter with this 72 year old lady, a case of relapsed breast cancer patient that spread to the liver. Her daughter called me yesterday afternoon to inform me that her mother passed away last Sunday. I was sad to hear the news and yet at the same time relieved because she was in severe pain during the final stages. Her daughter said her mother lived longer (about 19 months) than what the doctors predicted. For her age, she is one determined lady and tried to followed the Gerson diet as close as possible. She even did coffee enema once a day! She had good quality of life except for her last weeks when she was in pain. Her daughter thinks the diet helped her mother to live longer.
About 3 weeks earlier she has requested to see me after experiencing some pain but since I could not help her, I declined. I am now regretting the decision perhaps she knew and was trying to bid farewell to me.
In Buddhist tradition, may you have a good rebirth Mama S.
Slowing Down
A few people have constantly reminded me to slow down and take a break from cancer. Christine in particular. I am also fortunate that Joanne of New Zealand wrote to me earlier and has been providing me not only encouragement and support, she even wrote in detail what she did during her cancer days. I look forward to meet her in person when she comes to Malaysia in December, not only to thank her in person but to have thanksgiving lunch/dinner with her.
It would appear to me from Joanne's email and also some books I read, that my present concentration on the physical aspects of the therapy is not good enough. Of course, this is a matter of one's own choice whether to do or not. I need to look at the non physical aspects as well. So I am planning for another retreat new week. I will be taking time off from cancer and will spent three days in Cameron Highlands to recharge. Seek and you will find.
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