Thursday, June 30, 2011

I Am No Hero

Since Tuesday evening, I have been coughing much more than normal. Yesterday, I started the day with little coughing but towards the later the night, it became worst. Although I don't have pain during coughing but I noticed traces of blood in my phlegm. I also noticed that there was some pain around my hypochondrium area and the intensity is getting stronger over the last few days.

This morning, I found more traces of blood in my phlegm. This is not a good sign. I also noticed that my left under arm is very painful. There is no swelling however. I am feeling a bit lethargic today. After lunch I felt a little unwell and I think I may have developed slight fever as well.

Dextrorotatory Lactic Acid Revisited
I met a gentleman, a caregiver to his mother about 10 days ago. He is following a proprietary therapy and one of the decoction is pig tongue soup! One thing he said caught my surprise. He said his mother is also doing coffee enema and he used high grade Arabica coffee used in restaurants to make the enema solution. Apparently, he said the result was good, his mother discharged black and smelly mucus. I was surprised to hear that he is going to add Sodium Bicarbonate into the coffee enema. I asked why and he said that this will make his mother's body more alkaline. This is the first time I heard about this way of alkalizing the body. I don't know what to make of it.

I took my saliva pH this morning and it still showed 6. I am extremely disappointed. I have been a vegan for 22 months. During this period of time, I took only alkaline foods and my pH is still very acidic. I think I need look at Dextrorotatory Lactic Acid (DLA) or pH re-balancing therapy again.

Anyway, after considering my present condition, I am thinking of resuming the therapy. This time round, only one therapy at a time. Acidification of the blood by means of DLA lowers the blood-pH value until it and the tissue-pH value reach the same level. This will remove a critical precondition for continued growth of a tumor in a cancer patient, namely the acid environment.

I will be taking 30 drops (1/2 a teaspoon) of Sanuvis - acidum L(+)-lacticum orally 3 times daily, on an empty stomach for 3 months. There are no known side effects.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Straight From The Heart

Most of the materials that I write in my blog are just my daily journals of what I am going through and some other literature on alternative therapies. I noticed that when I write about emotions, especially dark ones, about life and death, the theme of religion often pop up. I would like to offer you an alternative view. Seek and you shall find. Today, I want to touch on the topic of emotions, an area that I am extremely uncomfortable but I realised that I can no longer avoid this topic when I had cancer. Bear in mind, I am no expert on this area and it's about my own realisation and also my observation about people around me.

It is very common for those with cancer to have a long-standing tendency to suppress "toxic emotions", particularly anger. Their inability to resolve deep-seated emotional problems and conflicts, usually beginning in childhood, often even being unaware of their presence. Over the past ten years, medical doctor / surgeon Ryke-Geerd Hamer has examined 20,000 cancer patients with all types of cancer. He noticed that all his cancer patients seemed to have something in common: there had been some kind of psycho emotional conflict prior to the onset of their disease - usually a few years before - a conflict that had never been fully resolved. Negative thoughts such as death wish are manifestations of some unresolved emotional issues. Unless, these issues are probed and resolved, a person will continue to repeat these cycle of thoughts. Becoming aware of it is the first step and it does not mean it will happen. We are brought up not to think about such things and over time it became a taboo.

I noticed that when I do write about something very dark, I will get some feedback from some of my friends and readers. I think at this juncture, I would like to clarify yesterday's post. I think by the reactions, I believe I have succeeded in bringing you into my shoes. I just like you to experience from my point of view what I am going through. Secondly, just because I write in a dark language, that does not mean I am losing hope or have become suicidal. On the contrary, I am aware that there are some negative emotions that are in me that I need to work on and release it. That's all. I may have dramatize it a bit but that is to get your attention. That you may have neglected your emotional well being.

My sifu has taught me well to probe and deal with such emotions. She said much of it are grounded in fear and could be attributed to the ways we were brought up. Many people refuse to acknowledge or may not be aware of such emotions and attribute it to somethings else. Often, such negative emotions are associated with parents, siblings, spouse and children. The mind fear the confrontation with close ones which it believes will lead to breakdown in relationships and hence the need to avoid dealing with it. You may think all these are mumbo-jumbo but you can read about it in Dr Hamer's German New Medicine or other emotional therapy books. A Google search with the words "cancer and emotion" showed 21,600,00 results! During my early cancer days, I would often feel depressed and cry but I don't know why. I was not in touch with my emotions. I can tell you over the last few months, I have successfully use this technique to release many of my negative emotions. I am much happier now but there are still a lot of work to be done.

This is one awakening I got from my cancer.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Present And Abandoned Dreams

My coughing is making a comeback since Saturday. Although there is not much pain, I do feel some congestion and slight breathing problems especially after some walks. It gets worst at nights. Later I spoke to Khadijah senior qigong instructor and she told me that most patients with lung tumors are unable to do block breathing. Last Saturday, I may have tried to breath too deeply and unknowingly hurt my lungs. She said her Master taught her that it is best to achieve optimum rather than maximum because then one is pushing oneself to the extreme when one is not capable. Anyway, she has suggested that I meet the Master this coming Saturday which I am going to so that he can check my condition and hear his recommendations.

Last night, I could not sleep. I was still staring at the computer screen at 4am wondering when my mind would settle down. I am now very tired. I was also feeling very sad, broke down and cried. I rested my aching body against the bed, no amount of the softness of the mattresses would calm my pain. I put some background music on, close my eyes and waited...

While driving home from Shafiq's house yesterday, Yeong said it would be nice to know what is on Shafiq's mind now. I told him that would be interesting because in my case, during those sleepless nights and depressing days, my mind went wild. Almost all negative thoughts has linkage with death. I think unconsciously, the mind is preparing for death. I normally don't tell or discuss these but I have on some occasions gave you a glimpse what my mind went through.

About three weeks ago, I dreamt that my tumors has spread to my liver and my condition worsen considerably. The dream was so real that I immediately woke up. I also kept this to myself. I think people are generally not comfortable to enter into conversation of such nature. Furthermore, this dream have negative connotations. Where do you go to sooth the torchered mind?

Another topic that we talk about was about future plans. I have already given up all my material dreams like owning a certain type of car, continuing my PhD study and others. They all mean nothing to me now. I don't look beyond three months because there's not a future for me to look at. Of course, I want to live much longer but then I also try to live at the present moment as best as possible. Occasionally, my heart tells me to do something, like take a trip to Tibet in 2012. I can't tell if this is a hint from the subconscious that something bad is going to happen to me in that year. I just take it as an opportunity to travel when the opportunity presents itself. I would not wait and travel in the future for that day may never come. I would love to go there but my lungs may not be able to take the thin air and I could get into serious problems.

Then Yeong suggested that I take a mountain climbing trip to Mount Kinabalu, Sabah. Mount Kinabalu at 4,095m (13,435ft) is a good test for me. If I am able to climb to the summit, then I should be able to go to Tibet. The good thing about this climb is that if along the way, my lungs cannot take it, I can always turn back without causing too much problem. So we agreed, we will form a small group of people who is interesting in going and see what comes of it when the time nears. The tentative plan are to climb Mount Kinabalu in April/May 2012 and then to Tibet in August/September 2012. But that's more than 3 months away! There's no harm in me dreaming a little further.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Don't Give Up Hope

Yesterday afternoon, I was really extreme tired. I was not feeling that good later in the afternoon. After my dinner about 8pm, I retired to bed and only slept past 10pm. I got up at 1am for night urine and then had my oatmeal super! My legs was feeling a little restless, so I massaged the legs.

Today was also a busy day for me and I only managed to update this blog when I was doing my coffee enema.

This evening, I am going for a follow-up with my TCM physician. I will ask for some medications on my restless legs problem.

Mohd Shafiq Update
This morning, we visited Shafiq. His condition has not been very good and he is a bit sensitive so much so that even touching his bed or the mattress, he can feel the vibration that will cause him pain. I was wondering how are we going to get him to do the coffee enema? I provided hands on explanation and demonstration every step of the way to show to the mother and Safiq's auntie, Roslini that doing coffee enema is very easy.

I suggested to Roslini, that he do the enema immediate after the morphine intake as I believe the pain will be minimal. After some coaxing from his mother, he was agreeable to give it a try. I then taught them how to prepare the enema solution. I decided to give Shafiq only half strength coffee enema. This means 1.5 tablespoons organic coffee and 16oz or 500ml of distill water. I also added 2 tablespoons potassium salt solution to lessen the effect of the colon spasm.

After his mother inserted the tube, Shafiq was complaining about the need to go toilet. So his mother had to pull out the tube and let him ease himself. Actually, this is a common reaction for first timers to coffee enema. I was worried that he would cry and refuse to carry on. Roslini told him that this is good for him to reduce pain and we were able to proceed. To my surprise, the flow of enema solution was very smooth and he was able to hold for 5 minutes or so. Shafiq's mother said the discharge was very smelly, a good sign. We recorded the entire event for future reference but it's a little too graphic to post on the blog.

I have recommended that they perform the enema at least 2 times daily, if possible to do 3 times daily. With some adequate preparation, we were able to complete the enema fully on bed as we are not able to move him due to the extreme pain that his is having. So, there is no excuse that a patient cannot do coffee enema just because he or she is bed ridden. We are not giving up hope on him. I believe this enema would help to reduce the pain in his body and at the same time slow down the growth of the tumors.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Tiring Weekend

Yesterday, I felt quite tired after the qigong exercises and I was told, that was expected. Later the day, I also noticed my phlegm also contains small traces of blood. My body was also aching, not sure from the exercise or the massage that I had the night before. I did have slow breathing problems and by noon, I was really tired and then went for a nap. I felt so much better when I woke up. Generally, having traces of blood is not good because it means that there are some bleeding in the lungs. Today, my phlegm seems normal and I hope it stays that way.

I have been quite busy lately and perhaps that's why I am feeling quite tired today. This morning I met another stage 4 lung cancer patient who wanted to learn more about the Gerson Therapy. Then I received another called from a friend and he wondered if my therapy would be able to help his friend, a stage 4 colon cancer patient. They have exhausted conventional treatment and turning to alternative therapies. I will spend the rest of the day resting.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Satruday In The Park

This morning, I decided to follow a friend to attend another qigong group at the neighborhood park. I was ushered into a smaller group since this was my first time there. I did tell my new teacher that this is my first time here and previously I had followed another qigong group elsewhere. No sooner I introduced myself to the new teacher, he was "attacking" me from the start. I thought to myself, what's going on? Despite telling him I previously practiced Chi Lei qigong elsewhere and he keep asking me what breathing techniques I learned. I told him we don't have any special breathing exercise and he took a swipe at qigong that does not have special breathing exercises. He then defended his action by saying that he did not want potential students, due to they own weakness in understanding, would say this qigong is not good and the student did not achieve results and tarnish the name. I find this way of introduction really stressful.

But I did see the sincerity of this man who is genuinely out to teach potential students the proper way to learn qigong. He was very diligent in his demonstration and explanation to ensure that I got it right for the first time. I had my first breathing exercise and then added some legs and hand movements along with it. After observing me for a while, he left me alone to practice. I think after practicing for about 1 hour, I had to stop because I was getting very tired. I got up from the bench and sat upright trying to gain my composure back. Then I started coughing profusely and subsequently, I coughed out some blood. I am not sure if this is a good sign or not.

Then I decided to tell my new teacher that I was a terminal cancer patient. I also asked if there is anything about this qigong that I should not be doing. All of a sudden, the atmosphere of equality became one of pity. My teacher became softer kept reminding me to be positive in thinking and my fellow student next to me immediately poured out her knowledge about cancer diets. Suddenly, I found myself in an awkward position, that people around me started to feel pitiful and in sombre mood. I have to spent some time explaining my situation out, telling them I am aware of my condition and that I am on a therapy with an appropriate diet and that I am positive and not to worry.

I wonder if all cancer patients feels the same way as me. Perhaps, that's why many cancer patients does not want to tell their condition for the last thing we want is to go though the situation that I just described. It makes me feel pitiful and desperate even though the person's action was well intended. This is one time such talk not only does not help but creates more stress for the listener. Maybe, the problem is just me being over sensitive. I believe when I do accept that myself is useless, I think that will be the end of me. As the saying goes, if people keep telling you, then it's probably true.

Update On Mohd Shafiq
Khadijah baked some 18-carat gold carrot cake for Shafiq. She also made some for me and it really tasted good. No oil, no sugar, no eggs and dairy products in the ingredients. I found it very sweet most likely because of the dates and the raisins in it.

I borrowed her recipe book and will try and make one myself.

We (Yeong, his wife Khadijah, Yeong's friend Hau Kiang and me) arrived at Shafiq's house just about noon and parts of the highway was closed for road repairs causing pockets of jam here and there. The last time I saw him was two weeks ago and this time, he look much less energetic and a bit frail. His condition has deteriorated and the growth of the tumors were mainly on his thigh. He is under a lot of pain and his morphine dosage has almost doubled.

I met his auntie, Roslini for the first time and she has been giving most support to the family. I later explained to her on how to use the zapper. I also noted that the family has renovated the main room and also installed an air-conditioner and will move Shafiq to the room where he will have better access to the toilet and able to see what's going on outside the house . He is now living in the hall.

Khadijah asked me if Shafiq could do coffee enema as it would likely help to reduce his pain and also detox his body at the same time. I think it's a good idea and we could explain it to his mother and Roslini to get their consent. They are agreeable. I will be buying the enema set and all the other necessities so that we can visit him again on Monday to start the enema immediately.

Despite with all the pain that's going on, Shafiq has been behaving well. Hau Kiang has been a regular supporter. In fact the whole bunch of Yeong's friends came out full force to help out. Come 17 July (9am to 2pm), there will be a carnival organised by the SS19/1 residents association. Yeong has a booth offering sale of plants and I will also be donating 8 potted Sabah Snake Grass (SSG) plants which I obtained from Jelebu, Negeri Sembilan. For those of you wanting to plant SSG, please come and buy. All proceeds of the sale will go to Shafiq's fund.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Brighter Days

I have been able to sleep much better these days. My restless legs problem has also improved very much. The plant based iron supplement is good. There are also no adverse reactions from new TCM medication that I am taking now. No sign of body warmness.

I have been taking cold showers since the beginning of May 2011. Prior to this time, I have an aversion to cold water and taking cold showers is like bathing in iced cold water. I will shiver all over and then catch a cold. But since the body warmness problem, my aversion to cold has ceased. Now the warmness problem is gone, I am still taking cold shower. I wonder if my aversion to cold problem would resurface?

Zapper Digital
I am rather busy this morning. Besides doing my juicing and coffee enema, I will have to pack some juices and food for lunch as I travel to meet Mohd Shafiq. We will be taking the zapper over in mid morning.

Yesterday evening, I was fiddling the zapper digital, trying out some of the easy and specific programs. Prior to receiving the zapper, the owner of the zapper has pre-programmed the 10 frequencies into the zapper. Further, once the frequencies are programmed, it will not be lost even after power is turned off. It has to be reset manually. I could not get the easy and specific programs to work. Whatever buttons that I pressed according to the instruction manual, it did not respond. I am not sure if this was due to the zapper being pre-programmed so that other programs modes will not work.

I was made to understand the owner bought this zapper for his wife who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 5 years ago. Her condition deteriorated sometime back and she is now undergoing conventional treatment.

Association of Dietary Patterns With Cancer Recurrence And Survival
A study on recurrence and survival in patients with Stage III Colon Cancer by a group of researches to determine the association of dietary patterns with cancer recurrences and mortality of colon cancer survivors. The study was reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association Ref: 2007;298(7):754-764. doi: 10.1001/jama.298.7.754.

Study: Prospective observational study of 1009 patients with stage III colon cancer who were enrolled in a randomized adjuvant chemotherapy trial (CALGB 89803) between April 1999 and May 2001. Patients reported on dietary intake using a semiquantitative food frequency questionnaire during and 6 months after adjuvant chemotherapy. We identified 2 major dietary patterns, prudent and Western, by factor analysis. The prudent pattern was characterized by high intakes of fruits and vegetables, poultry, and fish; the Western pattern was characterized by high intakes of meat, fat, refined grains, and dessert. Patients were followed up for cancer recurrence or death.

Results: During a median follow-up of 5.3 years for the overall cohort, 324 patients had cancer recurrence, 223 patients died with cancer recurrence, and 28 died without documented cancer recurrence. A higher intake of a Western dietary pattern after cancer diagnosis was associated with a significantly worse disease-free survival (colon cancer recurrences or death). In contrast, the prudent dietary pattern was not significantly associated with cancer recurrence or mortality.

Conclusion: Higher intake of a Western dietary pattern may be associated with a higher risk of recurrence and mortality among patients with stage III colon cancer treated with surgery and adjuvant chemotherapy.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

No Tumors = No Cancer?

The last CT scan I did was in November 2010. It's now more than six months since my last scan and I do not have any intention of doing further scans, at least for the time being. Although, a scan allows me to see the development of my tumors, I see no point in conducting six monthly scans. Every scan that I did (based on past experience) will show some improvements here and some developments there. For example, I have 46 tumors in both my lungs. A scan results might say three small nodes has disappeared since the last scan. Well, my prognosis is still very poor but maybe my therapy is holding. Next scan it will probably see, three smaller nodes have grown slightly bigger. So is it now the therapy is not working? I see what all these scans are doing to me, so I should not let the results dictate me. Other than create a false sense of happiness and creating more stress, it does not help me at all. At the end of the day, I should know better because my body will tell me if I am doing badly.

Mohd Shafiq Update
We are getting the new zapper later today and I believe it's a newer model. I will upload an image of the zapper later the day. The owner after hearing the seriousness of Shafiq's case has even programmed the frequencies into the zapper. All we need to do now is to test operate it and then teach Shafiq's sister. So as not to waste anymore time, we will visit Shafiq tomorrow morning.

Please sent your prayers and positive thoughts to Shafiq and we hope to see some positive improvements. I am really happy to note that people are generally willing help out those in need.

Message from Roslini, Shafiq’s auntie:

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for the generous donation and support given towards my family and me.

Your contribution really means a lot to us.

Currently he is on morphine . ( Plaster type and solution type).
He sleep a lot and does not have appetite and do not take much solid food.
We use the money to buy him supplementary food (vegetables and fruits extraction which is high with enzyme).
He looks more energetic with this supplementary food.

I would like to thank all of you again for the kindness and generosity given.

No Tumors = No Cancer?
That's what allopathic doctors will tells us and all medical treatments are designed to achieved that aim. I am not taking another bash at conventional medicine but merely stating a fact. When you see a cupboard that has been infested with white ants, the most common thing people do would be to remove the infested cupboard and throw it away. At the same time everyone knows the white ant problem has not ended because they are hidden deep underneath the house. To get rid of the white ants, it is not sufficient just to get rid of the infested cupboard. No infested cupboard = no white ants does not hold. Most people knows this. This analogy is similar to the cancer in the body. Removing the tumor symptom is clearly not good enough. Why do you think there are so many recurrences? While the doctors are systematically locked into the system, do we as patients and caregivers still want to take the same view?

I would like to share and discuss something interesting that I read in Lothar Hirneise's book Chemotherapy Cures Cancer And The World Is Flat.

We are told, the earlier the tumor is detected, the better. But in reality is that the earlier the tumor is detected, the earlier the patient dies because they tend to start the therapy earlier, so they die earlier. Just ponder for a while. Furthermore, many patients "dies" on hearing the word cancer!

Suppose we carry out an experiment where mice were divided into three groups. The first group are healthy mice while the second group consist of mice that are in preliminary stage of cancer. The third group has already developed cancers. Now answer these two questions:
1. Which group mice has the best immune system?
2. Which group of mice can withstand the most poison when injected into their body before they die?

Question 1 is rather straight forward. Most in the conventional and alternative fraternities will agree that mice with tumors have poor immune system. What will your answer be for question 2? Logically, those mice with poor immune system (mice with tumors) would not be able to withstand more toxins in the body and would die first. Would this hypothesis hold?

Have you really wonder why tumors develop in the body? We know that the liver, kidneys, lungs and skin are the main detoxifying organs in the body. We also know that for cancer patients, these organs are not functioning optimally and so how does the body deal with the toxins it encounters daily? The liver being the main detoxifying organ is not able to flush out the toxins, where do your think the toxins will be stored? As it turns out, under self preservation, the human body creates the tumor to store the toxins. Lothar call the tumors the "second liver" in his book. This may sound a little far fetch.

In an experiment carried out by nutrition scientist, Dr Catherine Cousmine many years ago, she demonstrated that mice with preliminary cancer can only be given 34% of the total quantity of toxins that healthy mice can bear. But the mice that has fully developed cancer can be given 200% of the toxin quantity than that of a healthy mice. If the tumors are cut off, then 1gm of the tumor mass is even capable of storing 15 times the quantity of toxins!

So it is not that difficult to imagine if surgery is performed to remove the tumors, the body will have to built new tumors elsewhere if it were to survive. Of course, there are other clinical studies to prove that surgery induces metastasis. Please read my earlier posts.

So will you still want to believe the theory no tumors = no cancers or should I rephrase no tumors = no life. It also becomes obvious that detoxification is a key factor to ensure toxins are removed from the body to ensure the body does not build new tumors. It comes as no surprise that one (out of three) of the key reasons why 60% of stage 4 cancer patients that survived did detoxification.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I Am Doing Fine

Nothing much happened of late except for some pain around my ribs. Pain is a permanent feature of cancer patients, it's only the degree of pain. I have been doing fine in this area.

Don't want to make sleep an issue because I think it's improving. A reader recommended Zanaprin, a natural supplement and I did take an opportunity to read it. Although it says it's not addictive, I noted the website sells in one month to three month supply. Meaning you will be taking it everyday, there could be psychological dependence. I would not want to do that too. I prefer to treat the root cause and sleep naturally without any aid.

Some of my friends have been asking me how I am doing? I can't give a straight answer. This is because while I feel well, very little pain and I can eat and now sleep a lot better, I have not recovered. I am not in remission yet. Is no tumors = no cancer a good measurement?

I have done more than 1,800 coffee enemas to date. Over time, as the toxins are removed from the body, the coffee enema discharge gets milder in terms of odor. I have added Zeolite powder which contains potassium clinopolite zeolite in the early of May 2011 to detoxify heavy metals. I think it's doing a good job because the enema discharge is very pungent and I also noticed a top layer of film on the surface of my enema discharge.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Moving Forward

I managed to sleep quite well yesterday. Anyway I try not to think so much of it anymore and will just let it flow. If I can sleep, good if not, it's OK. The expectation and constantly thinking about it is not helping but it creates another level of stress.

My friend Yeong has been quite helpful and through his contact, I hope to get hold of a plastic container (used in fish farms) which I will modify into a bath tub. I am hoping to start my bicarbonate dialysate bath soon.

Physically, my condition has stabilised. The sleeping and restless legs problems would soon pass. I think the next thing I would like to do is to work on my mind. I will resume my therapy with my hypnotherapist and work on visualisation.

I went to see another TCM physician yesterday evening to get a second opinion, so to speak. After a lengthy examination, I was given some medication in pill form. When I came back, I took the medication and I think the medication is not so warm because my body did not react adversely after that.

Zapper Digital
Yesterday, I managed to get hold of the zapper. However, I noticed that the unit is a much older model, possibly about 2 years or older. Although the it's called a zapper digital, nothing about it is digital at all, the setting of the frequency is through an analogue dial. It also claims to be a programmable zapper and contains a digital panel display but I could not find any button on the unit to do the programming and also I did not find any panel display either. All it had was just a mains on indicator light.

It did not come with a manual and I tried looking for a copy of the manual from Dr Hulda Clark's website but they did not have any information about older models at all. So, I think I will have to search elsewhere for more information about how to operate the device. There are 10 frequencies for each illness and the frequencies are very precise up to two decimals point. Obviously, setting it up using an analogue dial is going be be difficult because it is not possible to set the decimal points such as 0.13.

Anyway, Yeong told me that his friend has another model, hopefully a newer model.

Monday, June 20, 2011

No Sleep

My sleeping pattern is like a yo-yo. One night it would be good and another night, sigh. I don't look forward to nightfall. You may say I am beaten psychologically. It's no fun sitting in the dark and passing time. Everything seems to slowdown. I spend a lot of time massaging my legs in the middle of the night. It's not improving and I have to massage harder to bring relief. After that, I would just lie on the couch trying to rest. Last night, I felt restless and frustrated.

I think my TCM medication is also causing me some difficulty to sleep because I feel the warmness in my whole body, more so on my legs that make me feel uncomfortable. The relief method taught by my teacher is not helpful, so I will stop taking the medication. I will have to feedback this reaction so that my TCM physician will have to adjust the type of herbs given to me the next time.

At 4am, I was listening to Sodagreen's Wu Mian (無眠) (No Sleep) Hokkien edition of a very sentimental song and the first three lines of the song seems to echo how I feel:

Today's moon is so bright.
It shine onto us and makes us unable to sleep the whole night.
Even the hair is not able to rest.

It was a warm night. In an effort to calm the mind, I would normally listen to some sentimental music in various languages. Incidentally, there is an Indonesian number (Mimpi Sedih or Sad Dream) that I like quite a lot and even Teresa Teng did a cover version of it. It was the theme song from the 1973 movie Akhir Sebuah Impian or End A Dream, a moving love story. I like good music, whatever language it may be in. It makes my mind soft, into a more relax mood, hopefully sleep. I applied some Chinese wind oil on both my legs and now having my oatmeal breakfast. After that, I am going to bed.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

A Frustrating Week

Last few days, I have not been sleeping well. Yesterday, I woke up about 3am and then could not sleep back until 5am and then slept until 9am. It's a bit frustrating but it's better than not able to sleep. I think it will take a while before I can go back to my normal sleeping routine. One of the problem that is still affecting my sleep in my restless legs. Massaging my feet, although temporary does bring relief and allows me to continue to sleep.

I have stopped taking my TCM medication for a day. This is because the herbs make me feel a little warm in the night, especially on my legs which disturbs my sleep. Yesterday, I asked my TCM lecturer for an explanation and he said this is because the blood that is circulating the body could not complete its course and got blocked when it reaches the legs due to insufficient qi. He suggested that either I take my herbs early in the day so that the warmness caused by the herbs can be dissipated before night falls. The other way is to have a warm bottle of water on my chest area to help draw the blood circulation back from the feet to the upper body.

Burzynski - the film
The story of anteneoplastons.

This video will be available for free viewing until 20 June 2011. This film is a recommended watch for all cancer patients. Click here to watch the video clip.

Here is the original story published by Chris Woollams. When Catherine had her glioma I talked to several people about going to see Burzynski. Everybody (oncologists, cancer charity etc) said he was a quack. I will forgive them as that was back in 2003/4. But if I thought he had potential then, why didn't others who were closer to the coal face in the treatment of brain tumours? Interestingly, Burzynski has treated all manner of cancers from breast to lymphoma.

Please be clear: Burzynski is clearly now established as no quack. Anteneoplastons do have an effect. However, they do NOT work on everybody, and even Burzynski is unsure why. You can read more here.

It's rather unfortunate that this non toxic cancer cure is not yet available to all cancer patients generally and is currently in Phase III of FDA trials which costs US$25 million to conduct.

Mohd Shafiq Update
A reader from Australia, John suggested using a zapper to help Shafiq. I took up his suggestion and proposed it to my friend, Yeong during the TCM class last night. He then remembered that one of his friend owns a digital zapper and he would borrow it from his friend. I will be responsible for learning on how to operate it and thereafter teach Shafiq's sister on how to program it. Yeong who is a distributor for CaCare TCM cancer herbs, will contact Shafiq's mother for permission to try the zapper on him. We agreed that at this stage, there is no harm to try.

On my part, I have translated the instructions into Malay and also obtained the CAFL (Consolidated Annotated Frequency List) frequency for Soft Tissue Sarcoma. The trial will be over 21 days, 2 sessions a day and if Shafiq shows improvements, then the trial period will be increased to 3 months or longer. I would also propose that they buy the zappper then. A total of about RM900 (US$300) was collected from the donors for Shafiq's birthday and will use the money for that purpose.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Lost And Alone

The pain on my ribs on my right side just below the armpit has been giving me intermittent pain. The pain on my back below both my shoulder blades are also becoming worst. It reminded me of my early days when the tumors was discovered, only that during that time, the pain was the front ribs. Now, its concentrated on the side and my back. I have to use my hands to massage the affected area. I am thinking of using water tank for household use since I can't get a big enough size bath tub. I am long overdue for a bicarbonate dialysate bath. I don't like using pain killers. I have to manage this pain problem carefully for it could also disturb my sleep if the pain becomes more severe.

I don't know whether it's psychological or not but the liquid iron supplement seems to be helping. My sleeping has improved since then though it is not consistent that I can get a good night sleep every night. Yesterday, I woke up a few times and for most times, it was due to my restless legs. I have to massage it to get relief. Yesterday I took my TM herbs a little to late, just before I went to bed. As the herbs are warm, my body also feel warm after taking the herbs but not warm enough that I have to take cold showers to cool it down. However, it does shows up in my legs and I do use cold water to cool it down.

I have been receiving quite some emails from some readers whose love ones are diagnosed with cancer. They have requested for some advice from me. In most cases, the person has not much idea of alternative medicine and also most of the patients have undergone conventional treatment but it was not successful. Now they look towards alternative medicine as the miracle cure. I can provide information about certain treatments (especially if it's Gerson therapy because I know it so well) but I cannot make the decision for them. Even if I am a qualified therapist, I cannot make the decision for them, I can only recommend. To make matters worst, many of them have not read any books on alternative therapies and that makes it even more difficult for them to begin in the first place. You are lost and alone. But it don't have to be that way. I can only say, please invest in a book and read to gain the confidence. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to provide whatever information I can.

I would like to recommend that readers read Lothar Hirneise's book Chemotherapy Cures Cancer and The World Is Flat. This book should be read before a patient decides to go for any treatment. You will still benefit from reading this book should you decide to go for conventional treatment because you can now ask relevant questions that the doctors don't tell you. This is unlike other alternative cancer therapies books that I read. It's written with conviction and not a compilation of alternative therapies. It's not just a condemnation of the big pharmaceutical companies or the existing medical systems for cancer treatment but where it has gone wrong and that we can break away from that system by taking alternative treatment as first choice without fear. It's goes deep into each type of cancer treatments and why conventional treatment would not work. It then develops its own treatment program backed by existing literature and working with world famous alternative cancer doctors into its own alternative program called the 3E program; Energy, Eat and Elimination (detoxification). Detail information is written about this program. So this book is not just theoretical. The author runs a alternative clinic in Stuttgart, Germany. Doctors hate him because he challenges them to show medical records who has more successes in treating terminal cancer patients. Guess what? Conventional medical doctors dare not take up the challenge. We are all sucked into this crap about clinical trials yet he shows how many researches have fake the data in their studies and yet treatments based on those studies are still continuing. The researches/doctors were not charged for any wrongdoing!

Another Rare Astronomical Event
Something I read in BBC and would like to share with you.

Astronomers from the University of Warwick have spied a star's swan song as it is shredded by a black hole. I have seen it in an episode of Stargate SG1 what a black holes can do theoritically (in that episode, it was a planet) but to actually see (as an image) a star that is being drag into a black hole is a rare event. These black holes only become visible when an object such as a star is pulled in. If this happens, the star becomes elongated, first spreading out to form a "banana shape" before its inner edge - orbiting faster than the outer edge - pulls the star into a disc-shape that wraps itself around the hole.

As material drops into the black hole it becomes compressed and releases radiation that is usually visible from Earth for a month or so. Events like these, termed mini-quasars, are incredibly rare - researchers expect one every hundred million years in any one galaxy.

The researchers used some of most powerful ground-based and space-based observatories - the Hubble Space Telescope, the Chandra X-ray Observatory and the Gemini and Keck Telescopes.

Friday, June 17, 2011

It's Getting Better

Last night, I slept past 12 midnight. This time before I slept, I massaged both my legs so that the restless legs would not disturb my sleep. Somehow the restless legs seems more pronounced when I lie down to sleep and makes me feel uncomfortable so much so I have to massage it. Anyway I slept very well and woke up 8am this morning.

I am breathing a litter harder when I lie down to sleep. As I settle down, the breathing becomes more regular. I am still not able to sleep on my right side. The weight of my body shifts and presses against the mass of the kidney tumor. So it's a little painful. I have been sleeping on my left side so often, now I am also feeling some pain around the left rib area just below the armpit.

I am trying to get a big bath tub but it's so difficult to find one. I am looking for alternatives. Due to some pain around my ribs area, I am thinking of using a bicarbonate dialysate bath. Dissolve 100gm Bicarbonate of Soda in a tepid bath. Soak in the bath for thirty minutes. It's suppose to do wonders in pain management.

Mohd Shafiq Update
Attached is a message received yesterday from Roslini, Shafiq's aunty.

This morning I spoke to Milah, Shafiq's mother. Apparently the dosage of morphine that he is taking has been increased. Even then he still feels the pain. Mornings are quite bad but it gets better as the day progresses. According to his mother he wakes up regularly at night at the exact time when his next morphine fix is due.

He has been requesting for various food items, and he said he wants to eat a lot of it. But when the item is put in front of him he has no appetite to eat it.

Milah doesn't know what else to do, apart from trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

I guess, on our part we can only pray for him. God knows best.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

It Don't Come Easy

It's funny, just when I said almost everything is back to normal, some thing is bound to happen. Soon after I made my post yesterday, I began to cough a little. Not that it's that bad but I do feel some congestion in my lungs. It makes deep breathing exercise a little more difficult. I also feel some tingling sensation around my ribs just below my breasts. I would use both my hands to rub on the ribs at an outward direction to bring some relief.

Yesterday, I went to bed early at about 11pm as I was feeling sleepy. I think I fell asleep but the sleep was not good. I was in a dreamy state. I woke up at about 3.30am for my night urine but could not sleep back after that. My breathing has slowed down somewhat and I can feel my heart pounding. My breathing became heavier. So it was rather difficult to lie down and sleep. So I thought I would go moon watching.

Well, I went out to the porch to see if I can get a glimpse of the moon eclipse but the sky was covered with clouds. Nothing to see. However, I did get a glimpse of the eclipse when the sky cleared a bit at about 5.45am but no more than 1 minute before the sky was covered with clouds again. The last time I woke up in the middle of the night to watch the night sky was in 1986, to catch a glimpse of Comet Haley that becomes visible in the sky once every 76 years. Its next perihelion passage will be in early 2062.

I spent most of my time outside the house while waiting for morning to break. It was a bit windy and I felt the cool breeze brushing over my face. It was quiet. I felt peaceful as I stared into the darkness of the night, no where in particular. The street lights were not working. I always find the period of dawn most peaceful. If in the highlands, I find this is the best time to take a morning walk or find a suitable place to sit in contemplation. If at the beach, I would lie down on the beach to hear the rhythmic sounds of the waves pounding on the beach while watching the changing night sky to another color. Stars and constellations are also visible, a perfect time to enjoy these sights. If at home, I would be asleep. I spent most of my time at home and yet I only enjoy this one pleasure of life when I am on a holiday. What a shame.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Improving By The Day

Yesterday, the traffic condition at certain parts of the city was bad. Later I found out that the reason for the massive traffic jam was due to the earthquake in Indonesia which was also felt in various parts of the city. As people evacuated from high rise buildings and converged on the roads, the traffic flow was affected. In the past, tremors and tsunami are unheard of in Malaysia. In 2004 the tsunami came to Malaysian shores and since then tremors are also beginning to be felt more frequently in various parts of the country.

My TCM Physician, Associate Professor Dr Tan gave me 5 days of herbs to consume in powder form. For a start, he said the herbs that he prescribed are not that strong as he wanted to gauge how my body would react. I will do a follow up 5 days later. Yesterday I took two doses of the herbs. I think the herbs are a bit warm because I could taste some burning smell when I took the herbs.

My sleeping problem is improving. Yesterday I slept just past midnight and woke up a few hours later for night urine. My body was feeling a little warmer than usual and I was wondering why? Then I remember the herbs that I took. I went back to sleep and work up about 6.30am but I was still very tired and continued my sleep until 9am. I am happy with my current progress. Other than the sleeping problem and restless legs, everything is back to normal, no coughs, no pain and my appetite is good. My energy levels are coming back and I am feeling less tired.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Slowly But Surely

I managed to fall asleep at past 5am on Monday morning and slept for over two hours. This morning I did better sleeping at about 2am and waking up at 8.00am. I am happy with the turnaround of my insomnia. In order to improve my chances of sleeping, I used a hand held electric tapper to massage both my legs especially in the evening and just before I sleep. Restless legs can make me feel really uncomfortable when lying down in bed. I wanted to sleep longer this morning but I have an appointment with my TCM physician in the morning and will be rushing off shortly to see him in down town.

I believe the improvements came about from changes that I made to my therapy, taking in of Iron supplements, psychological support from friends and readers and the unrelentless encouragement of a close friend. Thank you all.

Mohd Shafiq Update

Following my June 8 post regarding the purchase of presents for Mohd Shafiq, I would appreciate if the donors (Gan and anonymous @ 6.55pm) who did not contact me by email, please contact me ( so that I can email you the bank account details. Please bank in the money directly into his account so that his mother can buy the presents for him on your behalf.

Thank you for your generosity.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Coming Full Circle

I have come full circle by going back to the basics. What this mean is that I have stopped all supplementary therapies, concentrating only on Gerson therapy just as the way I first started. I have made the mistake of doing too many things at the same time. For the past one month, I experienced more physical pain than any of the other months in the past. Are they healing reactions? I don't know. However, my body is out of balance. At the moment, the most important thing is to get the body back to normal, to prevent further deterioration.

Since I stop taking Sabah Snake Grass (SSG), my body temperature has returned to normal. Otherwise, I would have to take a cold shower in the middle of the night to reduce body temperature which only provided temporary relief. My restless legs have improved slightly. I take a different strategy when the healing reactions becomes harmful to the body. According to my TCM lecturer, I am now yin deficient. SSG is a cooling herb and is yin in nature. So adding more yin to yin deficiency is like adding petrol to the fire. To overcome the yin deficiency, I am going to see the TCM professor for a prescription of tonifying therapeutic treatment that nourishes and replenishes the qi, blood, yin and yang of the human body when they are deficient or weak. It would also help my sleeping problem.

So what's left now is my insomnia problem. I think it's now a combination of psychological and also iron deficiency. My blood test results for the past nine months has indicated low blood count and iron deficiency but I did not manage the deficiency well in the past. My family doctor has recommended that I go for blood transfusion but I don't want to take that drastic step. I prefer the slower, more natural approach. My friend Joanne from New Zealand, a stage 4 cancer survivor, has experienced the same problem as me, said it is due to low blood count and iron deficiency. She corrected the problem with iron and magnesium supplements. Well I got the liquid iron supplement and started taking them yesterday together with Vitamin C. It's going to take a while before I see some results.

That's it. Go back to the basics when lost and so far the body has responded positively. At last, I found some peace and the only to do now is to rest.

Later in the evening, I went for a the Art of Living course preview. It also included a 30 minutes breathing exercise demonstration as well. After just about 10-15 minutes, I was already feeling tired and also feeling a little giddy and shortness of breath. I find the exercises refreshing and meant to calm the mind and relax the body. Midway through the exercise, I nearly dose off. So did I sleep well last night? I spent three hours lying in bed but could not fall asleep either. Maybe I was too tired or it's now a psychological problem.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

In The Shelter Of The Night

I have been "legless" for the past two days. My car has been warded in a car clinic for a few days. The problem is the same as previously, overheating. My mechanic said the car will be ready by today. I have been delaying my errands for a few days already and also need to get fresh supplies of food and vegetables.

After searching for a few days, I managed for find an organic shop that sells plant based liquid form iron formula. I hope to pay a visit to the shop when my car is ready, hopefully by lunch time. Solid tablets first need to be broken down by the body before their iron becomes available for absorption. A non-constipating, vegetarian, liquid iron formula can be easier to absorb when compared to non liquid form and because it is non-heme (plant-based), so does not lead to iron overload. Supplementing the diet with too much iron can lead to constipation, nausea, vomiting and stomach pain and very high doses can be fatal, particularly in children. Vitamin C (ascorbic acid) can increase the amount of iron absorbed considerably.

My sleeplessness continues. I used up my last sleeping pill on Friday night. I will try to take something natural,if possible. Last night, I didn't sleep at all. Its been a long time since I was in such situation. In my younger days, the days I don't sleep is when I play all night mahjong with my friends. Have you ever sat in a dark place or lying in bed waiting for the morning to break? I have tinnitus and it somehow exaggerates the quietness of the night. I find the night both provocative and contradictory. I like the quietness of the night and the solitude that it provides. It provides a good environment that evokes a mood for quiet meditation and yet those meditative moments that are so desired are not often achieved. It is said when you know you are meditating, then you are not meditating. Sounds confusing? It is also the quietness of the night that promotes restlessness and the mind becomes agitated. It evokes feelings of sadness and develops into an uncanny feeling, floating into the unknown, an area of darkness quite opposite to day and having a feeling of a death wish as its resolution. I wonder if I will have such thoughts if I do not have cancer?

Simple Urine Test Could Hold Key To Early Cancer Diagnosis
I found something interesting and thought I will share it with you.

BBC reported that Edinburgh University scientists have identified key proteins in the urine of patients with advanced cancers (of the gut, stomach and pancreas). The findings could help the detection of these cancers in people who have not yet started to show symptoms. They then identified six particular proteins, which were present in 98% of the cancer cases but absent in almost 90% of samples from patients without cancer.

It would enable patients to be diagnosed much earlier, leading to improved survival rates. Only about 10% of patients with the cancers, known as cancers of the upper gastrointestinal tract, are still alive five years after diagnosis. The researchers says it is because the cancers, which tend to be aggressive, are often diagnosed at an advanced stage.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

21 Months And Counting

I have just completed 21 months in therapy and today marks my first day of the 22nd month. There are still a lot of challenges ahead and the road to recovery is long and winding. I have narrowed down my current problems and it seems to point to iron deficiency and Sabah Snake Grass (SSG) reactions.

So for a start, I have stopped taking SSG for a week to see what symptoms would disappear beginning yesterday. It did not make me sleep better. My body feels very warm like as if you have sun bathed for a few hours when night comes. I have taken cold showers in the middle of the night to reduce body temperature but it only helped for 15 minutes or so. But as soon as I stopped taking SSG, the body warmness also started to drop to normal levels. Another improvement I found is that my restless legs is now not so restless.

I had to try to improve my insomnia problem because I have not been sleeping since Thursday. It was more than 36 hours as of last night and despite taking things easy, listening to soothing music, I was still not able to sleep last night. I was feeling so tired and exhausted yesterday.

So far, this past month has been the most difficult period of my therapy for the past 21 months. I was trying too hard to understand why. My mind is weak which is why I am unable to jump past this stage. I am going to get some professional help.

Iron Deficiency
I think my iron deficiency is becoming worst. Two forms of dietary iron are available- haem iron and non-haem iron. Haem iron is effectively animal haemoglobin and is found abundantly in meat and animal products, especially kidney and liver, and is very well absorbed by the body. Non-haem iron is the mineral form of iron and is found in plants. Non-haem iron is poorly absorbed. This could explain my current problems as I found that many of them fit the symptoms of iron deficiency. I have all the symptoms listed below.

Symptoms of Iron deficiency
- Anaemia
- Tiredness
- Pale skin
- Sleep problems
- "Restless legs"
- Breathlessness
- Poor body temperature regulation

Iron is vital to life. Every cell in the human body contains iron. Oxygenation of tissues and cells is accomplished by iron contained in red blood cells which carry oxygenated blood throughout the body and pick up carbon dioxide to be excreted. The human body uses iron to enhance immune system functioning, produce energy and increase oxygen distribution throughout the organ systems. Iron in the body is very unlike other minerals. Unless a person bleeds, iron stays in the system and is reused. Because I have kidney cancer, a small amount of blood is lost everyday in my urine.

The experts recommend using a plant-based mineral source, such as liquid trace minerals that come from a plant source. In order to avoid anemia, vegans need to take daily care to find edible sources of iron, Vitamin C, and copper. Vitamin C can increase the iron absorption from foods by two times. An adequate copper level in the blood is critical to the transport of iron throughout the body. Plant based food options for increasing daily iron intake include string beans, turnip and mustard greens, shiitake mushrooms, romaine lettuce, tofu and blackstrap molasses. Not quite as high in iron but still beneficial are asparagus, broccoli, chick leas, leeks, lentils, brussel sprouts and sea vegetables such as kelp. It's best to eat raw.

According to a clinical nutritionist, calcium from food and supplements can interfere with "heme" iron which is the form of iron we get from animal products (meat, poultry, fish). Other foods that interfere with iron absorption in general include green tea; coffee; red wine; phytate (associated with dietary fiber from plant based foods, also found in supplements); soy protein and to some degree eggs. Some foods can enhance iron absorption including meat, poultry and fish; some soy containing foods (seems contradictory!) and to some degree vitamin C. If the body can't seem to stores up, then pay especially close attention to the foods that may inhibit or enhance iron absorption. But for me, I will need to take plant-based iron supplements now as that is the fastest way to improve my iron deficiency. For maintenance, I will then follow the plant-based food option.

Friday, June 10, 2011

This Too Shall Pass

Everything passes by. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes. You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it, and enjoy the present moment - this too shall pass. How true for me!

I have been having weekly lunch with my brother and sisters for a few months now. They have made it a weekly affair and I must say our siblings bonding has never been better. What has not changed however, are their worrisome faces. I guess when one member of the family have a illness like cancer, the others in the family are bound to worry. I have told them many many times, there is no need to worry about me anymore. As far as the therapy is concerned, I have and am still trying my best I can. I am living life as best and as happy as I can. In fact, I am very happy to have lived for over 21 months and still counting. My problems are few in comparison to what I see in some of my cancer peers. I have made a contract with my tumors. I live and they live by turning into normal cells.

At this moment, I have a great desire and urge to travel above all else, to places that I have not been before. I have only a few places on my list. Immediately on my sights are Tibet and Everest Based Camp. Passing 2011 will be another achievement for me and I look forward to planning my trip in 2012. But first, I must ensure my lungs are fully functioning because those are high altitude places. I have learned some strong breathing exercises and will be learning the Sundarshan Kriya, one of the most comprehensive breathing techniques derived from the yogic science of breath and taught by the Art of Living (AOL) Foundation. Independent research has shown that Sundarshan Kriya and accompanying practices significantly:
- reduce levels of stress
- benefits the immune system
- reduce cholesterol
- relief anxiety and depression
- enhance health, well being and peace of mind

A reader, Swee Seng has been sending me information about this course called the AOL. I must admit that she has been "nagging" me about this course repeatedly via emails over a period of time. But I must thank her for her persistency and also for sending me some literature about AOL. After reading it, I thought there is more to gain and so I have decided to follow her to the center to learn more the next time round. One of the immediate benefit is I will sleep better!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Making Best Of The Situation

Space, The Final Frontier!
So goes the saying in the Star Trek series. I am a fan of deep space. But since I can't go so high up in space, I will settle for Everest Base Camp. This stunning picture was taken by Italian astronaut Paolo Nespoli as he left the International Space Station in May in a Soyuz capsule to return to Earth. You can view more pictures here. This is the first time they managed to capture the space shuttle docked at the International Space Station. Endeavour sits firmly on the bow of the station, which is moving across the surface of the Earth at a speed of 27,000km/h (17,000mph) and at an altitude of approximately 355km (220 miles).

Back on Earth
Most of my problems experienced in the past two weeks are more or less under control with the exception of sleeping. I just don't feel tired or sleepy when night comes. I tried chanting, reading, watching boring shows, breath counting and even after one hour of lying in bed, I just could not fall asleep. Perhaps the harder I tried the worst it becomes. I am learning other ways of calming myself down. The last two days, I only managed to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. So last night, I decided to pop a pill and slept for 10 hours.

I have restarted coffee enema yesterday after a 8 days break. The weakness of my legs are attributed to the reaction of taking Sabah Snake Grass (SSG) and not so much due to the enema. I have been taking one dose of SSG a day and also take ginger tea two hours later to balance off the cooling effects of SSG. It helped and controlled the phlegm. I am trying to get the Iron supplement(plant based) + magnesium and it would help my legs problem.

I would like to thank all the readers who responded to my request for purchase of presents for Mohd Shafiq's birthday. I will be contacting each of you individually in due course.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Living End

Last few days, I just stayed at home, preferring not to go anywhere during this break. I spent most of my time lazying around and resting.

Many of my friends cannot now recognised me because I am wearing long hair. It's been a long time since I last posted a picture of myself. So, I am posting a picture of myself with a 10 year boy, Mohd Shafiq.

Last Sunday, I visited Mohd Shafiq in Serendah, Selangor with my friend Yeong, and his wife Kat. This boy has sarcoma and has his left leg amputated. The cancer has spread to his right knee and also his right shoulder. A lump has appeared just below the right rib which I suspect is a liver tumor. As it is now, there is nothing the doctors can do and he is now on morphine patch for pain management. What I cannot understand is that the doctors (from General Hospital) have suggested to amputate the right leg and the right hand! Well, I can rule out money as the reason but I cannot fathom why the doctors wanted to do that for. Although it was only a suggestion, I think the doctors are really being insensitive unless there are palliative reasons for doing so. I also noted that the tumors has been giving him a lot of pains and when the morphine patch wears off, he cries. We did the best we can to cheer him up and he was engaging with us. But I can also see his mother (a single parent) trying so hard to cope with the situation. We hope to celebrate his 11th birthday at the end of July 2011. If there is anyone out there who would like to give Shafiq a birthday present, please contact me.

On the way back, Kat said the boy told his mother that he thinks he has only two weeks of life left. He wanted his mother to allow him to eat anything he wants. Obviously from the mother's point of view, this is not acceptable thinking as no mother would allow her son to die. Yet now, she is faced with a dilemma. If she did not do as her son's wish, what if he really dies? But by going along, it would be "permission" for the son to move on. What should the mother do?

As I sat down observing Mohd Shafiq during our hour or so visit, I was wondering that he being so innocent and young, how would he developed such insight? From another view, this young boy seems to knows the end is near. He has to see out his last days. Despite that, he looks cheerful and seems contented watching the TV most of the time. Although bed ridden, he did not seem to complain very much other than that he constantly needs the cooling winds of the fan and that even a little touch on the tumor areas would create extreme pain for him. His needs are so simple. For example, he like watching the Phua Chu Kang Inc and Mr Bean videos, so my friend brought some videos for him while his wife back made some food for him.

It's easy to imagine myself being in such a similar situation. My needs are more complex and surely waiting out my last days this way being in a happy mood certainly sounds contradictory. The morphine patch seems to be doing a wonderful job of keeping the mind in a dreamy state of happiness. Bed ridden and in pain, what do I expect? Another question is whether I would abandoned my current diet and have my "last few meals" on any food that I like while waiting for the day to come? I guess it no longer matters when your life is nearing the end. Is this what is called The Living End?

Nothing comes new to me anymore
Is this for real? I can't decide
Something is messing with my mind
Well I guess that now my time is near
Displacement conjures up no fear
The end will only linger on
Responsibility has gone

The end of existence is heading my way
I don't think I can last one more day
Stuck in a place that doesn't wound or mend
Is this what's called The Living End

Stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea
The end is here for eternity

(Lyrics by The Living End)

The above are some of my thoughts that I would like to share with you; some of the things that crossed my mind during this difficult period of my life. I am not immune to such thoughts and occasionally, I do get such visits. I think such thoughts are not all that bad because I think I learned more about myself and in touch with my feelings. Obviously I have not reach any mastery level where I can control my mind to switch "on" or "off" or think "positive" and "negative" at will. I am still far from that goal but I am working on it.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Taking A Break

Thanks to a reader, Seng Swee whom emailed me a list of healing reaction for taking the Sabah Snake Grass (SSG). At least I know, some of the problems including difficulty in sleeping and week legs that I experienced are healing reactions. Not surprising, the healing reactions are classified according to the different type of sickness (not just limited to cancers). Kidney cancer is not listed. However, the problem of excess phlegm discharge is not listed in the documentation and after consulting another SSG expert in Johore, I was told of the following:

1. Take ginger tea (only ginger boiled with water) two hours after taking SSG.
2. Consume SSG by 12noon
3. If the ginger tea does not help, then reduce SSG dosage by one (eg if taking twice a day, then take only once now)
4. If that did not help, then reduce SSG by one dosage until stop and take a break of three(3) days before resuming. When resuming always start with one dose a day slowly increasing depending on how the body reacts.

I believe this is a good approach because no matter how good SSG maybe, if the person consuming it is having lots of healing reaction that may also affect the health, unless it can be moderated, it's also harming the patient. I would stop taking. Remember primum non nocere (first do no harm)? Otherwise, it would be just like chemotherapy, killing cancer cells as well as harming the body at the same time though not in the same degree of intensity.

Yesterday, I took the ginger tea two hours after the SSG and true enough, the amount of phlegm and my coughing started to slow down. I also applied tiger balm on my throat and on my toes (as suggested by some readers). However, the ginger tea caused me to have slight acid reflux problem. I have not fully recovered from my acid reflux problem yet, so solving one area causes problem in another area. I was very tired by then, so I just took out a sleeping pill and slept like a baby for the rest of the night. I thought have a good rest first. Woke up 9am and still feel not rested enough.

It's also the start of the two weeks school holidays. So, I am also taking a break from blogging and will take a three (3) days break to rejuvenate myself. I will resume on Wednesday, 8th June.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Long And Winding Night

Good morning! It's going to be 6am soon. My sleeping problems somehow seems to take a different form each night. I have never been in such situation before and I am wondering when will it ever end. Yesterday, my problem was coughing. I have been coughing unusually more towards the night. As I lie down, I cough. First the phlegm were whitish but by 3am, it started turning red, with traces of fresh blood. I tried the camomile + honey remedy but it did not work. Later my mother applied the Chinese medicated "Wind" oil and it seems to get better for a while. So all these coughing kept me awake, I did not sleep at all last night. I was also munching the whole night.

My shoulders and neck area are turning stiffed. I feel weak at my feet and also pair of hands. I really don't know what I am going through now, whether things are turning for the worst or some form of healing reaction. But I do know not being able to sleep is really bad and I may have to resort to sleeping pills for short term relief. One possibility has to do with Sabah Snake Grass (SSG). The herbs are known to be cooling and the frequent spitting out of whitish phlegm in TCM could be diagnosed as the body not able to withstand the coolness of the herb. Perhaps my body constituency makes me not suitable to take this herb. I will have to check with my sister's friend in Johore who is also a TCM practitioner for some ideas. Earlier, I have been warned that people with lung tumors may experience nausea and in my case, possibly the problems that I am now facing. If this is just a healing reaction, then I must find ways to overcome the reactions because ultimately if it disturbs my sleep, then this remedy may also be doing me harm in the long run for the body will deteriorate overtime without adequate rests. Remember primum non nocere (first do no harm)?

I tried to sleep by sitting down but it also did not help due to the constant coughing. During the wee hours while watching the TV, a thought occurred to me. For the last 21 months, I have seen more late stage 4 cancer patients than in my last 50 years. I have no problems meeting and talking with such people. When we meet, we seems to connect very quickly as if we are connected online to part of a cancer network. There is no need to explain about a pain or feelings. When a patient recovers, I feel extremely happy and when a patients moves on, I feel sad on hearing the news but at the same time feel happy for the patient for he or she is finally free of the ravages of cancer. Is it normal to feel this way and being insensitive? Perhaps this is just a reflection of my own situation.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Primum Non Nocere

Last Sunday, I had dinner with a friend and she reminded me of something that I almost forgot! Primum non nocere (first do no harm)! Lately, all those problems that I have been experiencing is due to my own non adherence to this principle! Sometimes, I get lost in the midst of my own problems and forgot the fundamental rule to recovery is primum non nocere. So from now on, I will chose my food and therapies carefully.

Last Monday during the meeting with Lothar Hirneise, he mentioned something encouraging about lung tumors. He said that cell division in the lungs are very slow and as a result, lung tumors also grows very slowly. He knows of a friend who despite having lungs tumors and did not take any medication (conventional or alternative) and lived for over 7 years. So for people with lung tumors, the therapy is considered effective when the lung tumors does not grow and one can continue to live like this for many years to come. Very nice of him to explain after learning of my lung tumors. Many of those people that took treatment that harmed the body just did not survive.

Yesterday, just after dinner, I was feeling a little uncomfortable and had to lie down. My daughter said my hands felt unusually warm. Just when I thought things are coming back to normal, I was not able to sleep until about 4am. Sigh. What's the problem now? Yesterday I experienced body heatiness or warmness but I did not have fever. My whole body was so warm that I just could not sleep. I took some fruits and it did not help very much. So, I had to use water to cool my body down and when it finally did about 3am. I was also feeling hungry by then and had my oatmeal. Suddenly instead of feeling warm, I started to feel cold! I have not experienced these before. My legs also started feeling weak, so I took a warm water foot bath with bicarb. I managed to sleep after that and woke up 10.30am this morning.

Because of SSG (Sabah Snake Grass), had to skip two juices to accommodate it. Otherwise, there just too much juices to drink. I am spitting out more sticky whitish phlegm. I am sure the backache is caused by SSG. So, I will add a little ginger to counteract the coolness of the herb. My sister's friend couriered some SSG to me all the way from Johore. The leafs are very matured (leafs much more greener and thicker and if you chew the leaf, it taste slightly bitter). My earlier batch of leafs are only about 5 weeks old (tender, light green in color, not bitter when chewed). Does it makes a difference? My guess is that matured leafs should be more potent.

Modern Oncology
I am not against conventional nor am I for alternative therapy. I subscribe to what Frank Wiewel, President of People against Cancer, USA said:

We believe people with cancer have two fundamental rights - the right to know and the right to choose.

And so I thought I let you know what was reported in Mind Your Body Supplement, Pg. 22, The Straits Times, Singapore on 29 November 2006. Dr. Ang Peng Tiam, medical director of the Parkway Cancer Centre is a Singapore President’s and a leading senior consultant medical oncologist. He is also vice-chairman of the medical sub-committee of the Breast Cancer Foundation.

This oncology expert said …
- Oncology is not like other medical specialties where doing well is the norm.
- In oncology, even prolonging a patient’s life for three months to a year is considered an achievement.
- Achieving a cure is like striking a jackpot!
- Not all cancers can be cured.

As doctors, we try our best to cure those who can be cured, to control the disease for those whose lives can be extended, and to comfort those for whom little can be done.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Getting Better

According to TCM, prolong taking of coffee enema drains qi from the body. Perhaps that's why my legs feel week and energyless. So I have stopped taking coffee enema for since Sunday to give my body a change to acquire nutrient qi back. Incidentally, my legs don't feel so restless yesterday. I also took hot water foot bath with bicarb (epsom salts is not permitted in Gerson therapy). Took my supper and the went to bed just past 11pm. Well, I managed to sleep but woke up at about 2.30am.

I felt the accumulating of stomach gases and strangely, my legs feel restless again. After waking up, I took another hot water foot bath with bicarb. After that, my mother suggested that I apply Chinese Medical "Wind" oil. I went back to sleep at about 3am and was awaken by a backache this morning at about 8.30am. I am happy with the progress that I have made. I think next time I will stick to my oatmeal for supper because last night I had tomatoes noodle soup that must have caused the stomach to accumulate gas.

What Acidity pH Level Promotes Cancer?
Sometime ago, I wrote something about alkalizing your body. The normal pH of the body is 7.4-7.5 and it is said that cancer grows in an acidic environment. Do you know at what pH level will be conducive for the cancer to grow?

According to Keith Brewer, Ph.D., a pH of 6.5 would be an ideal environment for cancer cells to grow. Cell mitosis occurs in the range of 7.35 and 7.0. Mitosis is the process of multiplication of the cancer cells. Further, when the pH drops to below 7, the condition for cancer to develop begins (see diagram). As you can see, the range between the normal of 7.5 and 7.0 is only 0.5, giving a very narrow window between what is healthy and unhealthy. It's so easy to fall below 7 by taking the wrong foods.

In chemistry, alkali solutions (pH over 7.0) tend to absorb oxygen, while acids (pH under 7.0)tend to expel oxygen. Therefore, when the body becomes acidic by dropping below pH 7.0 (note:all body fluids, except for stomach and urine, are supposed to be mildly alkaline at pH 7.4), oxygen is driven out of the body thereby, according to Nobel Prize winner Otto Warburg, inducing cancer. Stomach fluids must remain acidic to digest food and urine must remain acidic to remove wastes from the body. Blood is the exception. Blood must always remain at an alkaline pH 7.4 so that it can retain its oxygen.

So don't neglect to check your pH regularly using a pH strip or paper. It's a simple and very cheap tool use to monitor your health.