Monday, November 15, 2010

Rude Awakening

Learn all you can from the mistakes of others.
You won't have time to make them all yourself.
Alfred Sheinwold

I have been reading quite a number of other cancer patient's blogs and books. A number of them have died in the process. Some people wonder if I should read those with sad endings. While it may be a difficult read, I think there are lessons to be learned. The idea of sharing is so that subsequent cancer patients can benefit because they will not get another chance for a mistake made.

I am feeling really lousy today. I have been contemplating and reflecting a lot lately.

Sad Revelation
They say life is full of surprises. Even if you have associated with some people for decades, you actually do not know them until your hour of need. I realised that when it is raining, they withdraw the umbrella. Sure, there will be justifications and whatever it is, it's also their right whether to offer assistance or not. Beggers can't be choosers. I was just plain naive. I just got my rude awakening. At the same time, all is not lost.

I have be one of a donor during my pre-cancer days, whether in blood donation, money and/or labour. But now, I am on the other side, receiving. I am slowly getting used to the idea. I have also been receiving assistance from people that I have only brief associations. Someone once told me, when one door closes, five other doors opens!

Living For Self
All these years, I have been working and looking after my family. Even after I got cancer, I still try to do whatever I can but in the process I also neglected to look after myself. I think at this crucial moment of my life, I would want to just live for myself. I am taking sabbatical leave. Selfish of me?

I am reading another book Conversations With CK - A Man, His Life & Cancer. CK was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He did not survive. He planned for retirement at age 49 and he got cancer when 48 years old. I plan for retirement in 50 and got cancer at 49 years old. See the similarities or just a co-incidence?

Many people have told me, go for retirement and you are sending yourself to death faster.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Chang,
    Hey everyone with or without cancer also dies in the end. That marks the end of this life. The truth of you having cancer was indeed sad but having the will to live and give a good fight is great. To also bring awareness to most people of alternative treatment and to give hope to other cancer patients is Awesome.

    You are doing well, remember the line from Kung-Fu Panda: " Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is mystery, a gift. That is why it is called the Present!!!"

    Do what you would like to do today and don't ever regret. So long as you are not bringing any harm to anyone, you should have no regrets. You have always preached to me that "Charity begins at home" if you are not happy how can you bring happiness to those around you and to yourself?

    I know yesterday is a down day for you. I learn to understand that you also have moods once in a while. Just want you to note that I read and know your daily feelings. Take care, and I will call you as soon as I can ... give yourself a smile today. - That's from me!

    Bee Tin