Friday, May 27, 2011

A Turn Around?

May 2011 has been a difficult month for me but still I am thankful that my problems have been few. Ten months ago, I was also going through a difficult period and it lasted almost two months. Those days, I have lingering pain all day long besides stomach gases. When I have stomach gases, it means almost having problems eating proper meals. I think there three things that a cancer patients would not want to experience are body pain, unable to sleep and unable to eat. Of the three, I am spared from body pain most of the time. A scale of 1 to 10, my body pain is mostly 3. But I suffer from stomach gases for most of the time. Unlike 10 months ago, although I had stomach gases, I was able to sleep. This time round, I was unable to sleep. Of course, mental suffering is always there.

I have been observing what is that thing that is causing me difficulty in sleeping. Although I do feel that my body is very warm at night but I think its not the main cause. I think the main problem is palpitation. When I become aware of my irregular heat beat, that's when I feel that I do not have sufficient oxygen intake and that makes my lungs breath even harder. Then I start to feel agitated and become restless. The body "knows" that it does not get sufficient air and tries to its best to breath more air. I have been doing deep breathing exercises and also using the personal oxygen generator to help out. It does make a difference for a while. Perhaps, it is the mind that is playing tricks. When I get engrossed listening to the chanting music, I momentarily forget about my breathing problems and then dose off to sleep.

Last night, I went to bed early about 10pm and I think I dose off at about 11pm but woke up at 1am. I was hungry and then made myself some oatmeal. I then tried to resume my sleep but I was again having this difficult breathing feeling. I power on the personal oxygen generator to breath in more concentrated oxygen for about 20 minutes. I felt better and was able to sleep after that. I woke up again at 5.30am. Yesterday evening, I added Indian Snake Grass into one of my juices and I think it helped cool my body down. I think I have made some progress and hope this is the turn around that I have been looking for.

I will continue to search for other kidney cancer patients experiences with alternative therapies. As kidney cancer is not a common cancer, it's even more difficult to find patients taking about it in forums or blogs. As far as therapies are concerned, I think I have covered sufficient therapies that I can chose from and most likely, I will not for the time being look for any new therapies. I will focus on resolving my present problems. When my condition stabilised, I will go for a blood test and maybe a chest x-ray and kidney ultrasound as well.

Sabah Snake Grass Vs Fungicide Therapy
I was given about a week supply of Sabah Snake Grass (SSG) and decided to try it. It's not cooling as I thought it to be and of course there wasn't any bitter taste. After two days and this is what I observed. I have been spitting out white phlegm since I starting consuming SSG. When I started the Fungicide therapy, this is exactly what happened too. I feel my throat a little saltish and starting throwing whitish phlegm each day while I was on the therapy. I have stopped taking the Fungicide therapy about 10 days ago (a few days short of my target of 30 days) and the whitish phlegm also started to stopped. Is this a coincidence both these therapies works the same way?


  1. CT,even though my BIG C is diffent kind but i went thru the same feelings like you during Chemo, then radiation,but i always look for that light at the end of the tunnel,one thing important is that i dont try to sleep,i let it go and not think about it until my mind is switch off about sleep and naturally the mind rest and sleeps come easily,although not long but 1 hr of deep sleep is enough,i then feel fresh again,i know its easier said than done try not to think BIG C, think of it as another illness,there are worst kind,just look at those worst off with tubes going thru their noses and eating thru tubes on the hospital beds not recognising own family members,surely that must be worst,so just get on daily with the best you can,and writing the blog and researching keeps you going,look foward to your next project surfing the net and interacting,listen to music of your favourites,take your mind off the pain,tell yourself there is no pain big enough for you,the mind is stronger than the rest.Sorry about if i offended you,but i went thru it all in2008,doctors gave me 3 months to live and i am still around GOD WILLING.Prayers are important as there is only but one creator.Keep your mind strong its the best medication.regards AL.

  2. Dear AL,

    I think my problem is not my mind. I have gone through emotional de-stress in my earlier days of cancer and it helped me cope with it better. I have not lost a single day of sleep because of the Big C. In the last 20 months, I did not have any sleeping problems at all until I started taking a conventional medication called Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN).

    LDN is used for treating heroine addicts and alcoholics. I know of another cancer patient that have also taken this drug but it did not have the same effect on her as I did.

    I can't sleep is not because I worry too much about family, money or about death. I don't have those problems. I think I can't sleep is because of the side effect or healing reaction of the some therapies that I taking. What I am trying to do is to understand which therapy is causing it and learn deal with it.

    Thanks anyway.

  3. I don.t think you will never know which therapy made the difference. You kill the cancer with every weapon you put to it. Death to it by a thousant nicks.

  4. Hi Chang,

    "When I get engrossed listening to the chanting music, I momentarily forget about my breathing problems and then dose off to sleep."

    I am sure you know "Chant of Metta" by Imee Ooi. In the most unlikely event that you have not heard her, this is the Youtube link:

    Take care.

  5. Hi Chang, I am still praying for u. The healing crisis u go thru is just temporary. You will overcome it. :) I ate dhall curry today but my mum didn't exactly follow your recipe but it is still good and like u said, it sure is nice different food. :) God bless u.

  6. Dear Justin,

    Besides the Theravada tradition, I also listen chants from the Tibetan and Mahayana traditions as well.

  7. Liz,

    Thanks for your prayers. My prayers are with you too.

    I have gotten used to the reactions. According to Dr Hamer's German New Medicine, this feeling is an unresolved trauma of my near drowning incident in 2006. I will have a two hours session with my EFT therapist to resolve it.

    Have you tried rye/unbleached flour Chapati with dhal curry?

  8. Sabbitiyo vivajjantu (May all diseases be averted)
    Sabbarogo vinassatu (May all diseases be destroyed)
    Ma te bhavatavantarayo (May no danger be for you)
    Sukhi dighayuko bhava (may you be happy, living long)

  9. You have lost sleep and and are still losing sleep over the big C. You Havent got it altogether. For reasons best known to yourself you need to be constantly on top. This need is causing you alot of stress and your mind to work overtime, analysing,.thinking,analysing,thinking...And this need makes
    you close your mind to views that benefit you.

  10. Funny this Justin Choo guy never quote your blog and story in his "spiritual" blog to enable more Buddhist comrades out there to pray for you.

    This fella is mysterious.

  11. A true MalaysianMay 30, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    By all means, believe in your 'one and only' creator God in whatever you want. I don't put a damn on how you believe in Him.

    The fact is this, we won't be in this world without our parents, specifically without our mothers' womb. That's includes those evangelists here. Go tell your mother it is your God that gave birth to you, not her. Can you?

    However faithful you are to your God, can you deny the universal truths of 'birth, getting old, illness and death'? All living beings are subject to these 4 universal truths, and that means we all can't avoid 'SUFFERING' in whatever form, which a large part of it is due to illness like what Chang is facing.

    This is where understanding of Buddhism help us in dealing of this 'SUFFERING', if not totally getting rid of it. We don't want to suffer in whatever form but in one way of another, we just can't avoid but to face them with guts.

    Let's put it this way, if your God is really powerful, merciful, compassionate and whatever accolades you wish to bestow him, why can't he rids us all of 'SUFFERING'? Don't argue with me illness or whatever unfortunate events are 'CHALLENGES' that God throws on us. My choice is not to have 'SUFFERING' at all, which your God failed miserably.

    Truths are everywhere, they are not confined in your Holy Bible. Open up your minds to think logically is what you should do. For this, you don't actually need to learn Buddhism if you think Buddhism doesn't suit you.

  12. A true MalaysianMay 30, 2011 at 4:19 PM

    If I may add, the universal truths of 'birth, getting old, illness and death' exist even before Buddha's time. We should be grateful to Buddha for 'telling us' these simple universal truths.

    I choose to use the word 'telling us' instead of 'discovering' as this may mean we are 'stupid' for not discovering these simple truths even though we are told the existence of such truths. Yet many people still naive of them by not acknowledging such truths by arguing on how great their God is.

    Unless you can convince me of the non-existence of 'birth, getting old, illness and death', then I am readily believe in your one and only created 'God'.

    Can we have the deal here, evangelists?