Saturday, January 15, 2011

Peace In Turmoil

Contemplating Death
As I paid my last respect to my mother in law, I could not help but noticed how serene she looks. For a brief moment, I thought she had smiled at me, for her I can tell she was surely at peace in her final moments.

As a Buddhist, I do contemplate on death, more so since I had cancer. But why do I do it? I believe on reflection of death, it teaches me how to live, how to appreciate life and gratitude for right living. I have visualized my own death before, when my tumors in my lungs spread, how my breathing would be affected and compounded by the severe pain that follows. Grasping for air and due to insufficient oxygen, the body slips into coma as the body shuts down, unable to function. As I lay motionless in bed, I had the last look of the world just before eyes are closed forever, unable to even utter a single word. I have totally lost control of my body. Only my consciousness remains. Waiting... waiting for the moment to move on.

What is my realization and what does it mean? I can only be grateful. My cancer has taught me, I will be grateful for all the healthy years I've enjoyed. I have learned not to miss for what I have not got but to be grateful for what I have had. Each day is a day gain, a blessing and a chance for me to live better. Most important of all, I am grateful for the chance to live this life, never mind if it's a short one.

If tomorrow never comes for me, I hope I am able to move on with contentment, at peace with myself. To die is to live because the price of birth is death.

Recuperating In Thailand
My very good friend, Chin Aik has again proposed that I consider moving to Chiangmai or Mae Salong, Thailand to continue my Gerson Therapy there. The last he proposed was almost a year ago.

He told me while holidaying there, he met a Malaysian couple and the husband has nose cancer. The air is fresh and water is clean and also cost is very cheap there compared to Malaysia. He has since recovered after having been there for two years. You can read more here.

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