Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sleepess Sleepness Night

Another new day but some old problem persists. I am hoping a change of routine when I travel to India, my sleeping habits would turn normal. I have tried not to take naps during the day and it also does not help. Maybe it has become psychological. Meanwhile, there are the trusted pills that will do the job, if all else fails.

These days, the weather pattern has been very good sunshine during the first half of the day and thunderstorms in the afternoons. Are you disturbed by such weather changes? Ever since my cancer days, I noticed I am affected by such weather changes. I feel very warm and nice when in full sunshine. Perhaps, it's the energy that emanates from the sun. I have been staying indoors most of my time except when I have to go out for errands and marketing. I looked tanned. But when I was working in Saudi Arabia, even with the intense desert sun, I looked much fairer.

Well, of late I have been receiving some good leads about new cancer treatments and the latest came from a reader called Lynn, a friend of my friend who will also be traveling with me to India. I will check it out and take it from there. I guess, I would not be able to start any new therapy until I completed my HIFU treatment in China and see how things goes. If the HIFU treatment is successful, I wonder if the kidney herbs will be still useful for my lung tumors? Well, I guess I will only find out from a visit to the Chinese physician.

Today, I talked to my mother about death, how nice if it was possible to have a switch and just end life. She was telling me her views on such matters and also what happened to my grandmother. No No No, I am not giving up. She is trying everything possible to keep me alive, asking me to try all kinds of cancer treatments, every single one that she heard from her friends. But I told her there is so much one can do and the rest is not under our control. There is a time to start slowly to let go. I am trying to ease her into the eventuality that one day, her son will move on. My wish is that I would like to move on after her. You know, I never had such conversation with my mother before. There is no reason to think about death. I think in my pre-cancer days, I have always assumed that I will live to an old age, an assumption that is proving to be wrong.


  1. It's a tough conversation to have with your mum. I have had such a conversation with my mum when she was afflicted with cancer. How it broke my heart ! I am sure it wasn't an easy conversation for either of you too. Stay strong, CT & your family !

  2. Dear CT,i have thought about telling you this sleep therapy of mine which works for me and a lot of my friends many times,but did not know how to as its may sound silly but believe you me,it works,i wonder if you try to sleep when in your room in the quiet still of the night and you just cannot switch off and resulting you lie awake looking at the room ceiling.I dont know if you have tried this leave the TV on and tune to a channel you like and better still if a movie is showing,watch for a few minutes,then follow the storyline with your eyes close and getting ready to sleep SAMETIME listening to the story you hear on telly and follow,it will then overtake all other thoughts and you find your mind wandering to the storyline and its like someone reading to you and you find yourself dozing off.Just like when we are in a lecture hall listening to the lecturer and then our mind wanders off and we sort of doze off.I find the more silent the room the more difficult to sleep. It takes a bit of getting used to but works wonders try it out no harm,anyway keep strong and my prayers always for you Regards AL MAL.

  3. Dear Al Mal,

    Thanks for the suggestion.

    At the moment, I am trying out listening to music rather than taking medication. I am going to try some special sleep music for e.g. Deltadream (Binaural Sleep Beats) by J. S. Epperson which is believe to be effective.

    Also, I will be buying from Amazon, the SleepPhones due to the innovative headphones in place of traditional MP3 player headphones which are cumbersome to use in a sleeping position.