Saturday, February 25, 2012

No Life

In my last post, an anonymous reader suggested that I take the melatonin supplement. I did a look-up in the Internet and found out that one can easily order online in the US as it is sold without prescription and over the counter. Then I visited my regular pharmacy to see if I can buy a bottle but was told by the pharmacist that they do not have stock. I then asked her if she could place a special order for me but she said she also don't know where to order the product. As a qualified pharmacist, I wonder why it is so difficult to contact her suppliers and ask? I mean if she wanted a prescription, I would then visit my doctor to get a description. Later I found out in the forums that it is very difficult to get in Malaysia and it would be easier to go to Singapore and buy some at health shops.

Recently I have been communicating with a cancer friend and come to know more about her through our email correspondences. Hopefully, we both can go Germany together to get the Hyperthermia treatment in say April or May. It would be nice to go together so that we can mutually encourage and support each other. In my journey, it really difficult passing every single day of late. I take certain decision and it affects my well being. For example, I chose not to take pain killers during the day. As such I have painful sensations during day time and if you see me, I spend most of my time lying down or sitting on the cough brooding as I curl myself together to minimise the discomfort and pain. Actually, I should not be complaining because I know of people in worst condition than me.

A friend once told me I should not have taken the HIFU treatment. She said she would have advised me not to do but said I would not have listen to her, so she kept quiet. I often seek her counsel. What makes me want to take this treatment? At this very moment, my only way of knowing my own well being is from what my body tells me. I have not taken CT/MRI scans on my chest and abdomen for more than a year. I gather from my body based on not only how I feel, but the physical symptoms and also a bit of the inner feelings. I know I am getting weaker by the day. There are so many therapies that I have read. So when I read a certain therapy, I just know that this therapy is suitable for me to take. Just like I would not take the conventional treatment also also some alternative therapies that was recommended. How do I know? I can't explain to you in a logical manner. It comes from reading the documentation and also the inner self. I also know that my condition is deteriorating and that my present therapy is not holding that well. Hence having another therapy seems obvious but selecting which therapy has always been difficult. HIFU for me is to debulk the tumor mass. It would not cure me but I hope my body would respond better with lesser tumors in my body.

When I was in China, after completing my HIFU treatment, my mind was thinking what next therapy should I take to treat my lungs (and now my left knee too)? The doctors have told me to take Avastin, the conventional drug targeted at small cell lung cancer. He said that was my only hope. Cold and hungry, I kept thinking is that so while resting in my hospital bed. It was only when I came back home, I was reintroduced to Hyperthermia therapy. I mean I have read some documentation about fever therapy before but was not convinced until now. Probably that was because I have more documentation now. Of course the question still remains, is Hyperthermia the correct treatment? I don't really know but I know it will help me get better. I am hoping more than better. It was chosen because of the strong research backing and that it is within my means to take the treatment. This is my life now.


  1. Yes, you can easily get melatonin over-the-counter from pharmacies in SG. However, i don't find it effective. It has no effect on me.

  2. Dear CT,

    I am not saying you should not have done HIFU. Rather the hasty decision of doing it in the very cold winter of December in a strange country.
    Just like how you are now considering the next therapy in the very near future before your present condition has adequate time to heal.
    You have to give your body time.

  3. I agree with the comment above.You could have done it in a warmer weather in China,rather then in the coldest month.No wonder you were so uncomfortable and cold.Be patient with your body

    Valkyrie Edgely

  4. CT,please take care and not make too many hasty decisions

    Valerie Pleasant

  5. Dear CT

    Have a good mind and kind heart.Never give up. Take care!!
    Valkyrie Edgely

  6. Dear Valkyrie,

    Agree with my friends and your comment. I have underestimated what the cold weather's impact could do to me. I found out the hard way.

    Paid for the experience with pain. I will be smarter next time.

    Thanks for all your encouragement.

  7. Hi CT,

    You can try getting it from US online herbs store. i think it can get through and hassle-free.


  8. Hi Chang,
    "This is my life now."
    You have done well. Please "strive on with diligence". You are still here today because you have been taking charge of yourself effectively. There may be hiccups along the way, but you have certainly made good decisions more than the bad ones.

    Take care.

  9. Hi I'm one of those noises that one of your friends had commented. I have been quiet not because I gave up but because I have decided that since you would rather explore alternative therapies, I am going to quietly support you in your efforts. Afterall, battling cancer is hard enough without having to constantly justify your decisions.

    HIFU to me is conventional treatment as this is no different from laser/radio ablation to cut off the tumour. Hyperthermia therapy has been used by Mayo Clinic. Such conventional therapies may be needed as the body is tired from the tumour load and you need these conventional therapies to quickly relieve the body so that it can focus on normal functioning and healing. If you had not gone for HIFU then, maybe the cancer would have been fatal by now:(

    Possibly, the tumour you had was big and therefore had more extensive damage to the body and require more healing time. In cancerland, there is lots of uncertainty and no one will know which treatment is right for you. Most important thing is, when you make a decision, it was the right decision for you at that point in time:)

    Take care.