Imagine

My resolution for 2010 is to survive the year and I think I can safely say I have achieved it. For 2011, I had originally thought I would resolve the same for 2011 but have since decided not to make any resolution. It does not matter if I live for another month or another year, whatever, come with may. I would welcome each new day and live in the moment, something that I have been trying hard to learn to do.

Instead I would like to make some positive affirmations for 2011.
May there be no wars, famines, natural disasters and terrorism.
May there be sufficient food for everyone in the world.
May everyone be well and happy always.

I started the year 2010 with pessimism, with six doctors' words echoing in my mind that I will not survive. Though I have taken an alternative approach, I was actually preparing for my demise like funeral arrangements, etc. I was hoping not to move on during the Chinese New Year period in February 2010. This was a dark period of my life because I was not able to control my emotions well and suicidal thoughts also occured. But as the days moved on, my hopes grew. The period April to June 2010 was a time of confidence for me. My energy levels increased and body pain was at the minimum. During this period, I also experienced healing reactions but generally it was a good period of time. And during good times, time flies. However, during the third quarter of July to September 2010 things started to change for the worst. My scan results showed my tumors are slowing progressing and I was in urgent need for a therapy overhaul. I was left in my own mind games for most of the time, thinking what I can and should do. In was during this quarter that I started looking beyond the physical aspects of the therapy. Some changes that I made in the third quarter seems to help. My scan results in the fourth quarter, although showed mixed results, was a good result. By this time, I have learned not to react to scan results and just concentrate on whatever I can do, cumulating into my visit to the Gerson Clinic in Tijuana, Mexico in December 2010. I think going back to the basics when you lose your way can be helpful. Although the jury is still out there, I am now celeberating life each day as it comes. There is nothing to proof anyway.

I have always been inspired by John Lennon's song, Imagine which is also the title of today's post.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Goodbye 2010

Rock And Roll Days

Blessings are not valued until they are gone.
Brahma Kumaris

This is a second last day of the 2010 year and tomorrow, I though I would do a quick flashback of my life in 2010 and my resolution for 2011.

The last few days for me has been quite peaceful albeit some pain around my shoulder and back areas. I have reverted back to my normal diet after two days of pumpkin brown rice porridge. Although my indigestion problem has subsided, I have not been eating well, skipping my salads most of the time. I used to eat much more previously. Perhaps this could be due to the mouth ulcers that I have developed.

I have not been able to sleep well for the last two days, frequently getting up for night urine, tossing and turning in bed. I have tried to sleep without the air conditioner on since I came back from USA. The result is that I get sleepy during day time, so I try to sleep in between juices.

Last night, I had a reunion dinner with my ex-colleagues. We had dinner at this cozy Japanese Cafe which is owned and run by, I think a Japanese husband and wife team. I was told the food is good. They were surprised to see me with long hair, teasing me as a rock star. The best I could do is a bathroom singer. I have not cut my hair for seven months now and the last I wore long hair was in the 70s. Remember those rock and roll days? Well, since I am not working now, I thought I would wear long hair for a while. Reminiscence is something we all do and the older we get the more likely we are to fall back on our memories.

Worn Out

Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror.
Remez Sasson

This morning my mother said to me, son, you look more tired now than you were before you went to Mexico. Is it because of your travels? I am not sure what's going on but I do feel my energy levels dropping. I think my trip back from the USA has zapped my energy more than I thought it would. I seem tired these few days and have been taking naps at the expense of preparing and drinking my hourly juices. On one hand, I just needed the rests but not taking my juices means I will have less energy. Either way, I will be short of energy. I think I will make up for lack of juices later, for eg. for my 2pm juice, I will take it at 3.30pm instead. This way, I can sleep at 2pm and still have my juices. Hopefully, this would improve my energy levels.

I have been coughing a bit more lately, especially at night or when I lie down. At the same time, I note my heartbeat would slowdown and become irregular. My breathing would sometimes comes to a halt for a beat or two, causing a little heart pain. I still can't seems to cough strongly. I just don't have the energy to mount a strong cough enough to expell all the phlegm at one go. I think I am also developing tonsillitis, my throat is inflammed and a little painful. I will use the home remedy that Joanne Chee taught me, administering hydrogen peroxide on both ears. It seems to help the last time when it happened.

My stomach indigestion has caused me a lot of problems last two days, including taking in raw vegetables and also the steamed vegetables. So I made an unauthorised diet change. Yesterday, I took pumpkin brown rice porridge instead and will contine for a day or two more. Once my stomach discomfort levels are reduced, I will revert back to the normal diet.

Struggling With New Routine

The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
Oscar Wilde

After visiting all the major Telcos this morning, I have decided to subscribe to P1 WIMAX for my broadband Internet access. All the packages on "promotion" are ripped-offs in terms of price, speed and fair usage but I have little choices.

Today, I woke up with stiff neck and shoulder. I was also feeling some pain around my back. I think I have not fully recovered and I have not been able to sleep well and also in between juicing. I am still having some problems with digestion. I feel like thowing out. I am rather tired and I think I will retire to bed earlier today.

Finally, I managed to connect my ebook reader called Literati that I bought in USA to the P1 WIMAX. Somehow, it would not connect to Streamyx. It just keep downloading critical security updates and many restarts. I have yet to download the first book for reading, though it comes preinstalled with a few ebooks. Having a color screen gives you a better feel but I think the downside is that the battery keeps running out very quickly. As for my Cruz 7" Andriod tablet, I have yet to explore it.

I am still struggling with my new routine. I seem to be more complacent now, not as efficient as before. My mind is a little dull. This morning I fumbled while giving myself the morning B12/Liver injection. I thought my hands would be steadier by now but I am still far from it. The juices and the lunch and dinner are too close together, so much so I have problems taking them all.

After Travel Blues

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
Henri Matisse

Ever since I coughed blood in Mexico, I think something is cooking in my lungs. It seems to be congested everyday and yesterday, I cough another blood stained tissue out. The only consolation was that I did not cough fresh blood. Today was also a difficult day for me. After doing my morning enema, I had my breakfast. After that I was having some difficulty coughing that was followed by the slow and irregular heartbeat. Breathing was a little difficult and I lied down to rest. I felt better by lunch time. However, more pain was to come. I was experiencing some pain around my lymph node on left collar bone for the first time when I was doing my afternoon enema. I thought things would be better after this but it was not to be. Immediately after dinner, I suddendly felt the urge to vomit and my stomach was churning for no apparent reason. Breathing slowed down and heartbeat irregular. Again I had to lie down on the bed to rest.

I must admit, despite having 14 months of experience in the Gerson Therapy (GT) at home, I was still not prepared to handle the new routine demanded by the clinic. The 13 hourly juices was too much and I had trouble keeping pace. My mother who is also my caregiver all this while has been supporting me to prepare my lunches and dinners. If not for her, I would have not be able to do the GT. Since coming back from Mexico, I have been requesting her to try some of the new recipes and this have given her even more work. While I can tell she is very happy to help her son to do whatever she can, I on the other hand feel guilty. At her golden age, she is taking care of me instead of the other way around. I am not keeping count and letting these moments flow. You may say mother and son bonding. Someone once told me, if not now, when? Mother, thank you for unrelentless support.

Gerson Clinic Review

Keep true, never be ashamed of doing right; decide on what you think is right and stick to it.
T.S. Eliot

Many of my friends would like to know the outcome of my treatment at the Gerson Clinic in Mexico. I think many of them would think in terms of conventional medicine where you enter into a hospital, take chemotherapy/surgery/radiation and then a couple of months later you either expect to recover or the situation become worst.

Alternative Therapy
Alternative therapy like Gerson Therapy (GT) is not the same. I would put the GT as an immune rebuilding therapy. To do that, it takes a long time and the average is about two years. Although there are reports that many Gerson patients that saw positive results within nine months, that should not be used as a yardstick. In any case, we are looking at many months into the future before we can see any results.

So all I can say for the moment is that I was under the care of qualified doctors who prescribed a customised therapy for me to follow. The standard GT that I followed 14 months earlier has been somewhat effective, otherwise I would not be around to continue to write this blog. But it could have been better, which is why I took this trip to Mexico. I was using a modified version of GT. What does this mean? I did not take four of the essential supplements (not available locally) and the B12 and liver injections. Now I am on the full therapy. I am keeping my fingers crossed and see what happens when I do the monthly blood test in the next six months.

Gerson Clinic
The Gerson clinic in Tijuana, Mexico is not like a hospital or the clinic that you see locally in Malaysia. It's basically a large detached double storey house in a fenced and secured compound. At any one time, it can support 10 patients. It's more like a simple resort like environment. Except for the Nursing Station, there are no traces of medicines or what you would typically smell while at hospitals. My two complaints are if they have shaded verendahs (it rains) from the rooms to the dining hall and also a larger area for patients to do walks inside the compound, especially after dark.

The Therapy
For me, doing the therapy over here in Mexico is much more relaxing because there are staffs does all the work for you. You just need to keep time of when to do what (basically when's breafast/lunch/dinner and doing coffee enemas). Juices are delivered to the rooms and the doctor visits you in your room too. Only the injections and clay packs are administered at the Nusring Station. You can then sleep the whole day or takes short walks to the beach which is 5 minutes walk away.

There is one important aspect of doing the therapy at home that I think one should know. Lugol solution is added to the apple+carrot and carrot juices. However, at the sametime, you MUST also take the thyroid supplements. If you don't do that (like what happened to me), you can get a case of hyperthyroidism which can be fatal in itself. This is my most important discovery while here.

It is difficult to duplicate the same intensity while at the clinic and back home unless you have people to assist you. Besides that, you can also expect the food to taste different when back home. Firstly you cannot cook that many variety as most likely you are the only one to eat that diet. You need time and effort to prepare. I am having a hard time trying to adjust, so let's be realistic about this. Secondly, the quality of fruits and vegetables would be different. This is because we source it from different locations and hence may not taste as good as that in the clinic. A good example is carrot. So the food you make may not be that tasty and that's my case. Thirdly, you are under professional care, so everything is sort of on the dot but back home, you will be under pressure to keep time. The juicing is every hour for 13 hours! That itself is difficult to keep and follow. What about the cooking, boiling coffee, buying vegetables, etc? Lastly but not least, you have allowed yourself to be cared by professionals. It's important to start 'correctly', meet other patients and get encouraged and motivated.

Worth My Money?
I have not come across any therapy (conventional or alternative) that guarantees recovery. Of course, those with early cancer stages stands a better chance of recovery.

For me, this is a question of my life. Is my life worth investing that much money (within my means) to give myself a chance to heal? You bet.

I have just given myself hope and that's worth more than any money in my bank. I definitely don't want you to be in my position to find out. Trust me on this. If I survive and becomes broke as a result, that's another story, for another day.

Health Status @ 25 December 2010

It's been more than two weeks since I last post my health status update. I would also like to take this opportunity to wish all my Christians friends

Merry Christmas!

New information are presented in italics.

Problem
Tumor mass of size of about 15cm on the right kidney and 21 and 20 nodes all over my left and right lungs respectively with one up to 3cm in size on both lungs. Confirmed that it has not spread to the live. All other organs are also normal.

Latest scan on 26 November 2010 showed slight improvement in the kidney tumor (shrunk from 15cm to 11.4cm) but the nodes on the lungs were also a little larger. In the August 2010 scan, it was the other way around.

X-rays scan on 26 September 2010 over the scapula (the bone of the shoulder), pelvic and upper back areas shows no obvious bony metastasis.

Prognosis
Consulted four urologists (one in Singapore and three in Malaysia) and two oncologists (one in Malaysia and one in Singapore). Both oncologists suggested removal of right kidney. Singapore urologist also suggested removal of kidney. The three urologists do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy. The last urologist consulted said most of his patients died within six months of surgery while two on the expensive (RM20K per month) drug Sutent is not responding. All agree that is no cure for the moment.

My urologist said my cancer is at stage 4 and did not recommend me to take any treatment. It is also my own choice not to take conventional treatment after considering all the facts of the case.

Subsequently during the 1 year review on 2 September 2010, my oncologist in Singapore recommended that I consider:

a. Tumor debulk and
b. Sutent medication or
c. Interferon treatment

I have so far rejected the recommendation.

MAIN THERAPIES
a. Gerson Therapy
a1. Coffee Enema
Following Gerson Clinic's recommendation of three enema daily and alternative day castor oil enema. Due to the strength of the coffee, my enema formula is 4oz coffee, 8oz camomile and 12oz of water.

a2. Nutrition Diet
All fruits and vegetables mentioned are organic.
i. Juicing - 13 fruit and vegetables juices a day beginning around 8am and ending 7pm. 1 orange, 5 apple+carrot, 3 carrot and 4 green vegetable juices every hourly.
2. Diet - No oil, no sugar and no salt on all cooking. For breakfast and supper, mainly oats with some raisins, sometimes a little Manuka honey is added. For lunch and dinner, vegetables such as Siew Pak Choy, Lettuce, lady's fingers, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach are mainly steamed or boiled. K-salt is added for flavoring. A teaspoon of flaxseed oil is added when serving (but not during cooking). Mainly boiled potatoes and sometimes Somali organic brown rice (once a week) is consumed. Hippocrates soup are also prepared every other day for daily consumption.
3. Supplements - K-salt, niacin, lugol solution, pancreatin, pepsin, Q10, Inflamezyme, Milk Tistle, Colostrum. Thyroid, Liver and B12 injections daily.
4. Others - Rye bread, papaya, guavas, oranges and bananas are consumed at regular intervals.

b. Homeopathy Medicine
Consulting Doctor: DR AU Ramakrishnan MBBS, PhD, Chennai, India (http://www.drramakrishnan.com/)
Local Consultant: Vishuddi Lee
Treatment Started: 6 November 2009.
Consulting: Once every two months in Singapore. Next appointment 7 January 2011.
Reaction: No further reactions observed other than mouth ulcers every now and then.
Stauts: Suspended for the time being.

c. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
Clinic: CA Care, Subang Jaya Center (http://www.cacare.com/)
Main Consultant: Dr Chris Teo
Treatment Started: 27 August 2010.
Medication: Capsule A+B, 4 capsules 3 time daily. Lungs, liver and kidney herbs to be taken once a day. C-tea to be taken throughout the day.
Reaction: Stomach a little uncomfortable after taking Capsule A and the herbs. Increase frequency in night urine.
Status: Suspended for the time being.

COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIES
d. Oxygen Therapy
Started using a personal oxygen generator with effect from 8 March 2010 about 1 hour in the evening, 20 minutes per session. Richer oxygen does help in controlling the growth of the tumors. It also reduces fatigue.

e. Zhineng Qigong
Started practicing qigong on 11 March 2010. Attend classes five times a week from 6.30am to 8am.

Health Status
My flight back has taken some toll on my weight as access to vegan food was not available. I now weighs 64.8kg. At the moment, I still feel very good. There are slight congestion around my lungs (getting coughs in the middle of the night) and I also find it difficult to cough. Sometimes heartbeat is regular and slow. My phlegm is normal.

A little pain is experienced at the back area.


Verdict
Very tiring journey back and very interesting two weeks in Tijuana, Mexico.