Sunday, September 9, 2012

Not Good

I visited Chang this evening with the intention of reading your messages to him. He has deteriorated since last Friday. He did not open his eyes or make any sign of acknowledgement of my presence (which he used to when he got visitors). In short, he does not respond much. He tried to communicate with his family using the little whiteboard but no one could read his writing. Seeing his condition, I was worried that your messages may go unheard.  But I know he can still hear though he does not respond. So, I sat and waited for the opportunity to arise. 

And I am relieved and happy that it did. I have read your comments on this blog as well as the messages sent to I received one more email message after I left at 7pm. If I have the opportunity, I shall continue to read to him. I thank all of you who have written in. I am very grateful to you for sharing the kind words about Chang. I believe that the beautiful, positive words you wrote will help him in his journey forward.

I feel very sad but that is life, as he puts it. As I start to process what happened this evening, I realise that I had not written him my own message (except for the brief message thanking him on the post "Death and dying."). 

I really do not know what else to say. Goodnight.

(Updated by Chang's Friend)


  1. Chang.. May God bless you, may give you peace...
    You are in our thoughts...

    A Psalm of David.

    The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
    he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he restores my soul.
    He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

    Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

    You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
    You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
    and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

    The silent follower of your posts

  2. Chang's friend,
    I am coming in here at least 5 times a day to see Chang's progress. I know we could not help much but to share his pain and sorrows.
    I wish he rests well with peace, he has no more strength to fight anymore.

    May God bless him with a peaceful and painless journey.

    We cant bear to let him suffer anymore.


  3. Hi CT,

    I feel for u and your loved ones, after having tread this path 3 times!

    May you be blessed with peace on your onward journey.

    God bless


  4. Dear Chang,
    I don't know what to say anymore, Thank you for your blog which help us all these while. You have lived a meaningful life.

    God bless
    Bong CN

  5. My dear friend of Chang,

    This will be my daily recitation as a Buddhist for another fellow Buddhist. With each subsequent posting, I shall repeat this recitation. This is purely our Buddhist tradition. It is a very short recitation paying homage to the Buddha, our fully enlightened teacher:

    Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammasambuddhassa
    Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammasambuddhassa
    Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammasambuddhassa

    Homage to the Blissful One, the Worthy One, the Fully Enlightened One.
    Homage to the Blissful One, the Worthy One, the Fully Enlightened One.
    Homage to the Blissful One, the Worthy One, the Fully Enlightened One.

  6. Patthana

    By the grace of this merit that I have acquired, may I follow the foolish;
    but only the wise up to the time I attain final happiness (Nibbana).
    And by the grace of whatever merits that I have acquired,
    may all sufferings ceased.


  7. Correction....may I never follow the foolish.....

  8. Bro Chang,
    I just found your blog yesterday and i've been trying to read it from your 1st post onwards. I only managed to cover up to Dec 2010 today. Will continue reading it again but had to peek at your latest post today.
    I really admire your perseverence and determination. I also respect your unselfishness you have mentioned in your blog and your kind sharing. In short you are an inspiration to me.
    Anyway, i have also started my vegetarian diet out of compassion for all living creatures and your life story will be my inspiration to continue. May the merits i generate be shared with you and every living beings in the world. I will undertake to help someone everyday in my life though i dont know if i can put a frequency to it yet, but i will try. May you be blessed by your good karma always and be protected by all spiritual beings.

  9. Dear Chang

    Tomorrow 11th September would be 3 years since your diagnosis and I must salute and admire your strong will and enthusiasm in battling the disease. By far you are the first male cancer patient whom I have seen, to be so determined and self reliance, seeking and trying out so many different kinds of therapies. As a cancer patient myself and having gone thru the same path, I fully understood the pain, uncertainty, fear and yet excitement of each step you took, hoping for them to be the right decisions that sometimes came with encouraging results while some were disappointing. I really wish things are different for you now, but knowing you, you are with no regrets and in fact, you have done exceedingly well, having survived and out lived the few months predicted by your doctor. Most of all, the past 3 years would have been your most meaningful, impacting so many lives and leaving a legend and inspiration for many people for years to may have lost the war but you have definitely won the battle, a "Victory far more precious" than the actual physical outcome. As you would know me, I'm still hoping for a miracle cos my heart's desire is that every cancer patient to beat the disease and get well and be better off from the experience. Nevertheless, I also wish that you will have release from your pain and suffering and find peace within your soul.

    I am honored to have met you during my trip back to KL last year and that our paths have crossed in such a meaningful experience.

    Joanne Chee
    Dunedin, NZ.

  10. Good bye. I will always remember you, your blog and your insurmountable spirit and kindness to fellow human beings.

  11. Everthing happened for a reason and nothing is permanent. To me it's that you have fulfilled your duty in this life and you will be moving on to your next journey. It's sad but this is life.

  12. Chang,
    U have been very strong over the past 3 years fighting this cancer. Everyday had been tough for you and yet u continue with more determination. Your blog give much hope and alternative treatments to those stricken with this disease.

    You told me u were happy that u survive this long as doctors gave u 6 mths. U are with your loved ones now and be positive u will have a good rebirth, u worked for it and u know that.

    We will meet again.
    Heng Yee Choon

  13. Dear Chang,

    No matter what lies ahead, you are already a winner in this life!


    Regards from your blog follower,

  14. Chang,

    I admire your fighting spirit...

    May Peace be with you and free from all the pain...