Death and dying

"We are alive, therefore we will die." This is the simplest, most obvious truth of our existence, and yet very few of us have really come to terms with it.

Although intellectually we all know that one day we shall die, generally we are so reluctant to think of our death that this knowledge does not touch our hearts, and we live our lives as if we are going to be in this world forever. However, to cancer patients, death is never far from their minds.

It was in July that Chang told me that his condition had deteriorated and that he was preparing for death. At that time, I didn't want to encourage what I assumed were negative thoughts. (which he battles with now and then). We all do not wish to hear our loved ones or close friends tell us that they will be leaving us. It is hard to imagine a world without them in it. We sometimes forget that  our loved ones' wellbeing and wishes are paramount. And when the time comes, to let them go peacefully and without guilt.

Chang told me that he had to counsel a few friends who came to visit him over the Raya holidays. These friends had told him to "hold on". Though, these friends may have meant well, Chang was obviously irritated.

Yes, talking about death is taboo to many people. Yet without talking about it and facing it honestly, how can we prepare the dying as well as ourselves for the process of dying? How do we help the dying to die well?

We do not know what the future holds but Chang has been mentally preparing himself since he discovered he has cancer.  He said that he has no regrets about his efforts. To quote him in an earlier post titled The Joy of Dying in Peace, "While, I would certainly like to find a cure for my cancer, there comes a time I will recognise that it's no good. I have tried all that I know (of course, you can say there are many more I have not tried) which I think will work for kidney cancer. I am satisfied with my actions and prepared to move on".

"I take a different view. I am actually preparing for this day so that I can die peacefully. To this end, my doctor loaned me a book called The Joy of Living and Dying in Peace by His Holiness, The Dalai Lama. To approach death without fear or regret and welcome our passage of death. To live peacefully you must also learn to die peacefully."

I will miss him dearly if he goes,  But I also wish him, what is best for him and a peaceful journey ahead. And I ask for forgiveness for my imperfections and thank him for his generosity, support and being my wonderful, wonderful friend.

(Updated by Chang's friend)