How is Chang? In his own words "very bad" and "very tired". He has stopped taking porridge. Now, he is on dextrous intravenous drips administered by the hospice nurse. He sips ice water, takes some watermelon and sometimes, a bit of yoghurt.
He is mentally alert but is too weak to read updates on this blog. So, I offered to read the previous two posts to him. He listened closely as I read and gave a slight nod here and there I also noticed him wiping away what I suspected were a few tears. After I finished, he scrawled the following message on the little whiteboard, in response to your comments:-
1. My daughter has technically graduated. She will receive her scroll
in September
2. I am touched by the readers' comments.
3. I will miss all of you but that is life.
I enjoyed reading for him and I hope he continues to take an interest in this blog. I would also like to invite readers to start talking to him especially those who have been keeping silent. If not now, when? If you want a message read to him privately, you may send it to upekahblogspot@gmail.com
Recall his good deeds and how he has contributed, touched you and how his life has made a difference and benefited yours. He is still contributing in his silence albeit in a different way.
(Updated by Chang's Friend)
Please tell Chang that we (the readers) all love him, although alot of us may not know him in person.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading his blog for more than a year now and I really appreciate his efforts. Thanks Chang.
YLC from Australia
I really apprieciate Cf 's efforts to help Chang such as updating the blog for him. Chang also, for sharing his tough journey.
ReplyDeleteThx CF n Chang.
Tanith and Janni
Hi Chang,
ReplyDeleteSince our HLA days, my impression of you is this nice Finance Manager who delivers. Period. I must admit I did not really know you until I started following your blog last year. My husband and daughter have also been very inspired by your sharing.
During our first visit in Feb 2012, you coached us about taking care of our health and how to get started on urine therapy. Despite your frail condition during my recent Aug visit, you talked about not taking full advantage of hospice's financial aid as it would deprive other cancer patients in worse financial situation that yours. I held back my tears. Not tears of sorrow but those full of admiration and pride to have the privilege to know someone like you.
I do not know if I will get to see you again during my next trip back to Malaysia. Just want to take this opportunity to say this before it's too late ...
Chang, I truly admire your courage and selfless take in life. Your blog has also been a spiritual guidance for me. It is a legacy you have left behind and will continue to inspire many others in the years to come. I know you are ready for the path ahead. I wish you will endure less pain and suffering. May your family, esp. your wife, continue to stay strong throughout the journey ahead.
With lots of love and prayers, Sze Yeen
To Chang's friend,
Thank you very much for making time for us. We are as fortunate as Chang to have you as a friend.
Hi Chang,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your daughter's graduation!
Thank you for showing us the meaning of courage and understanding of life.
May you have peace.
Anicca watta sankhara
Please tell Chang if my comments before that had offended or hurt in anyway, my thousand apologies to him. I don't mean any harm.
ReplyDeleteIt's always easy to comment life and death when one is still of able body, to understand fully what Chang is facing or what he has in mind is totally different story. I, and for that matter, we, can be 'insensitive' with our comments. That's the thing I fear most in making comments over here in this blog.
I have witnessed how my late beloved aunty, a cancer patient herself suffered with severe pains, even though high doses of heroin was administered on her. At that time, I put blames on Law of Karma. I keep asking myself, how can we responsible for bad deeds of our past lives that make us suffer in our present lives. It's so unfair.
Over the years, I keep seeking answers for this, and I come to terms with 'how this is Law of Karma' works. We can't undo what deeds that we accumulated during our past lives, but we can do good deeds during our present lives before death fall upon us. Love and compassion to all living beings is what we should start with. Being one who observe vegetarian diet, while it's not a must, is a good start. That's the reason why I decided to venture into vegetarian restaurant business eventhough I don't know how to cook. I have been facing a lot of problems with it, but I wish I can continue with it.
I still hope things will become better for Chang, and I really wish him well.
You are always on my mind, Chang.
Yours truly,
Gary Kang
I lost my dad last year because of adenocarcinorma.I feel sad that during his last days his condition is just like what Chang going through. However Chang is mentally stronger.I will still pray for you Chang and still hope and wishing you will get well soon.The three years that you spend fighting is worthwhile and you have given some hope to those looking for some alternative ways to fight the world's number 1 killer disease.
ReplyDeleteHi Chang!
ReplyDeleteI lost my brother Bing, 49years old to renal cancer just last Friday August 30, 2012. I will be burying him today.
You have been an inspiration to him before he passed away, I would share your blog to him even when he was already weak at the hospital. You gave him hope and put up a good fight against his illness.
We may have lost him to cancer but we have won the fight to the next life. His soul was ready to meet our Creator before he passed away, which for us Christians is most important part of this journey.
Chang, thank you for being a part of Bing's life. Thank you for being a part of my life. I have never admire such a courageous person in facing illness such as you.
Please don't forget to look us up in the next life.
God bless you Chang, your family and friends.
Mike (Philippines)
Dear CT,
ReplyDeleteIn late May this year, I got to know your blog through a friend and managed to exchange few emails with you.
Although I have not met you in person, by following your blog postings every now and then, you have become a meaningful friend!
By sharing your research, knowledge, personal experience with all, you have cultivated LOVE and COMPASSION among mankind which in turn brings PEACE in whichever way the individuals feel it.
I salute your braveness, selflessness and most important of all, KINDNESS. Thank you so much for sharing!
May PEACE be with you as you embark on your next phase of life.
With RESPECT,
Kim
Chang,
ReplyDeleteKeep praying and chanting in your heart. This will lessen your pain.
Cindi
Kudos to you,Chang and friend, for sharing the journey.
ReplyDeleteDear Chang,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a long journey for you.
Do travel light, discharge yourself of any excess baggage. Hope the rest of the way is clear and without undue hiccups.
I pray that soon you will be home free.
Salam,
Khadijah
PS. Remember the lyrics from Eric Clapton's song? "Would you know me if I see you in heaven?" (song title - Tears in Heaven).
My dearest, my guru, my strenght, mr Chang,
ReplyDeleteYou helped me to carry my cross even though you had your own cross to carry. I had to take care of my sister with zero knowledge about cancer, the symptoms, the side effects, the remedy. I learned all that thru you.
I remember my sister had constipation problem. I didn't know what to do until I read your blog, which you suggested prune juice. I didn't know that it was a side effect from painkillers, and I knew them thru you.
Some nights, I got scared. I was scared because I felt alone. I felt like I am not fit to be a 'nurse', to take care of her. That's when my courage failed me.
And then I would read your blog. It's like you shine a light in my otherwise dark state of mind.
You have enlightened so many of us even in your dark times. You have inspired so many of us to soldier on.
Sending you prayers, and Chang's friend, please salaam his hands on my behalf.
Dear CT, thanks for sharing and for caring. I first stumbled across your blog when Googling Sabah Snake Grass and ended up learning a lot more. May you go easy into Lord Buddha's warm embrace. I'm sure you'll come back as a teacher and continue to being enlightenment to others.
ReplyDeleteThis for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fVRzgZit2M&feature=related
kk
Singapore
CF( Chang's friend)
ReplyDeleteMy comments here (which was in fact his response to our comments) were entirely meant for sharing experience of people at the receiving end, like Chang now, Yeah, we don't have the experience nor we have the gut like what Khadijah had said), but we could read abt it
FIRST, when his friends asked to be strong, he told me he in turn asked them how? He went on to say his friends is cruel & kind at the same time, do you what sort of pain I m going through
SECOND, when I found nothing much to talk to him , he actually said " chat with me, I am not dead yet"
SO I GUESS the next time I see him in few days time, I perhaps may tell him some jokes, don't know whether that could help him lighten his baggage as Khadijah said earlier?
Chang, I pray for you to have peace passing on............
yeah we will miss you,
rgds, KokPiew
Dear Chang,
ReplyDeleteI have been lurking on your blog for over a year now, following your cancer journey with great admiration and interest, as I go through a similar battle of my own. Although i do not agree with many things you wrote about (especially those parts concerning self-medication, self-diagnosis), and I did at times challenged your views by dropping a comment or two in a subtle way (anonymously), I want to let you know that i harbour great admiration for your courage, tenacity, intense focus, integrity and the many convictions you hold. You are a brave individual.
Chang, your journey here on earth has not been in vain. From what i read, you have a great family and many great friends. By sharing your thoughts here over the last few years, you have helped countless individuals going through crisis in life. Your life had mattered.
Rest well.
Dear Kok Piew,
ReplyDeleteI empathise with both Chang's friends and Chang. It is not easy finding the right words to say to a terminally ill person. On the other hand, the ill person is very frustrated and finding the pain too much to handle.
I once asked my friend, who runs a hospice this question. She said the best thing to do when visiting would be to listen. Do not try to give advice. In Chang's case, he cannot talk much so I usually follow his cue, or just be present for him.
Chang's friend
Thank you, CF
DeleteWe will continue to pray for Chang
rgds, kokpiew
Bro Chang,
ReplyDeleteMay I share this sutta with you...
Pamsukula- the law of dependent origination.
Nirodha-vara-in order cessation.
Anekajatan Pali - consecration of the Buddha rupa
I will end with this ...
In sooth when things grow plain to the ardent, musing Brahmin, routing the host of Mara doth his stand, just as the sun when lighting up the sky...
Sadhu sadhu sadhu
Have wholesome thought and peace of mind... Upekha...
I pray that your soul will find much needed rest.
ReplyDeleteYou have journeyed well, my friend. Remember us when you are on the other side and pray for us.
ek
Dear Chang,
ReplyDeleteI was the first person to comment on your 18 Aug 2012 post. I have been through with few good friends who went through what you are going through now. From your posts via your kind friend, I can feel the pain you are suffering but i can also feel that you are prepared for what is coming. I wish for you no more sufferings and a smooth journey forward.
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu
Karmen
As I am writing this entry, I know I am going to miss this childhood friend. I know Chee Teck since Primary 5. We studied together in Lasalle School. We did all those monkey things, celebrated our 21st birthday at the Ulu Kancing Waterfalls, climbed trees together. As we grew older, each had separate families, each had our own lives and career paths. Today, if I do not write this entry, I fear that by the time I return from Germany, I might not have access to this blog anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend,
You had laboured throughout this illness and defied all odds, proving the learned doctors wrong and fought bravely for 3 years. You used your own discretion and analytical skills to try to cure yourself without any distractions from many of your readers. Our friendship had gone beyond its definition.
You showed life is more than just material gains and by your influence, I had now learned to pay more attention to nature. I now enjoy Angkor Wat more than just Disneyland. Your constant ringing brought changes in me that I learned to stay healthy and appreciate the people around me.
Your generosity to impart findings and research on alternative medicine to cure cancer at the expense of experimenting on your own body simply bring out the awe and admiration from me. Honestly, I do not think I am in the same league. You may be in bad shape, but you had won at least 2 ½ years more than the doctor’s prediction. You may have realise you had won many many hearts which money cannot buy. That itself is priceless. That is what I call “respect and accoldates from your friends, peers and people at large”
I hope you stay on and fight to see your daughter bring back the scroll, to cut your birthday cake next month and defy the odds again. Again I know it is tough, just hang on….
Take care…..
How Beng
Thank you, How Beng, for the very well written and sincere message. We all have very great respect and utter admiration for Chang Chee Teck, now that I know Chang's full name.
ReplyDeleteMay Chee Teck have peace.