You know, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night due to pain, I will ask myself, with every new day that I survive, I am also subjecting myself to another day of pain. With every new day, I also present myself a chance to better my own condition. But so far, what I have seen from my treatment; it's sustaining but the cancer is also progressing slowly. So, it's going to be a slow painful death in the end. That is one possibility. The other possibility is that I will survive. This is a bonus or like some of you said, a miracle. A very well known oncologist from Singapore once said, curing cancer is like striking a jackpot. So there is so much physical therapy one can take or do. There comes a time, it's better to accept the end is near and then prepare for it. For me, I will not cling to this body of mine any longer.
I have the opportunity to speak to a number of cancer patients, a few days before they passed away. What I noticed are that these people are not prepared to die. It's due to many reasons and one of them is acceptance. They still cannot accept the fact that they have cancer and why it happen to them. They feel pitiful and that the world or life has been unfair to them. They are really in a miserable state. I take a different view. I am actually preparing for this day so that I can die peacefully. To this end, my doctor loaned me a book called The Joy of Living and Dying in Peace by His Holiness, The Dalai Lama. To approach death without fear or regret and welcome our passage of death. To live peacefully you must also learn to die peacefully.
I have said at the beginning of this year that this year will be a difficult year for me. Half a year has already passed and it was painful so far. The second half of the year will be more painful and challenging and but still I hope to survive it.