Monday, September 21, 2009

11 September 2009

What is 11 September to you? Many in the world will of course remember this day. For me, this day the day my world came crashing down.

During a checkup for kidney stones at a private hospital, the urologist noticed a growth has taken place in my right kidney from the ultrasound scan. He told me that this is not a good sign and immediately sent for a CT scan. I asked to doctor to tell me the results straight in the face. The results of the CT scan on my kidney and later on my lungs showed that I had tumor about 13cm on the right kidney and nodes all over my left and right lungs with one up to 3cm in size. The doctors said I could opt for surgery to remove my right kidney but it is unlikely to help my lungs and the main problem now is not my kidney but my lungs. The nodes are all over and it is also not possible to operate the lungs. He said "I don't know what to say" but wish me good luck. I said I need to thing about his recommendation to the surgery.

It was 2.30pm after I finished the consultation and as I was about to leave the hospital, it started to rain. I sat outside the lobby, staring into the rain. Tears roll out as I wondered what to do and what will happen to my parents, wife and children. I wonder why I did not cry out loud and starting cursing everything and everybody?

My Buddhist teaching tells me that this is my karma. I will have to face it and deal with it. While the chances of my dying is high, I am going to do something about it. Then the thought from the movie "Lords of the Ring" came to my mind where Gandalf said to Frodo "The important thing you have to decide is what you are going to do with the time given to you now". It's now a fact I have to face. I quickly resolved to fight it and face it head on. So, I SMS my wife and brother about the results. Her reply was brief and to discuss when I came home after work.


  1. We live to die. That sounds kinda morbid. The day we are born, we are just heading nearer to death. Every day we live is a day nearer to death.

    It is how we die, how we view death, how we had live and continue to live with what we have left... above all, where we will be after this life.

    The founder of Apple made this statement in one of his speech : Death is the best thing that happens in life (something to that extend).

    My faith resonates with that statement. Everyday that I live, what it is for ? It is actually for that eventual day which is the greatest day in life !

    Sounds ironic ? :)

  2. I just read this in Twitter :

    RickWarren Your 9 months in ur mom's womb prepared u for life on earth. It wasnt an end in itself. Now this life is prep for the next.