The other day, I was having a long chat with a friend about the past. Most of us carry the past baggage with us. When you are carrying so much baggage, how can you move forward to the present? I knew the past, I knew the good part and also the part where I went wrong. When you go back to the past, you want to go back and dwell on the good past feeling, imagining how my life would have been if you did this or that. And so long as I continue to dwell in the past wishing things were different, I wasn't getting anywhere. This could be career, love life, education, lost opportunities and getting cancer. When we cannot get the life we want in reality, we go back to the past and fantasize about it. Some form of escapism.
I think the key to moving on is acceptance of the ways things are now. There are somethings you can still do. Change the way you live your life in future. You can also change your job, your home, your car and even your spouse. But there are some things that cannot be changed. You can't change what happened in the past and you can't say I have no cancer. The idea is to focus on now, the present. Don't worry if the past will repeat itself. Lessons will have been learned. No point screaming and kicking what should have been. If possible, remove "should" from the vocabulary and never make a sentence with the word anymore. Forgive myself and move forward.
There will never be a right circumstances because life is not perfect. It's not about perfection but how to live in such imperfect circumstances and make the best out of it. Why are we so obsessed with being right? Because we project an identity image to everyone around us and protect our ego. Even in cancer treatment, we want the right treatment. Is there a right treatment? If I reflect on the important areas, aspects, and relationships in my life right now, I can see how I overly focused on being right so much so things turn out wrong. I suppose the answer to unlock this problem is to be real rather than being right. Being real of my own shortcomings, anger, fear, expectations and everything I do. Live a simpler life and be much happier.
I received an email from a friend and she gave to much credit as if I was a guru. I am just a beginner. Actually, my cancer has brought me awareness and it was a life changing experience for me. A psychologist said it is through service to others that we can most easily produce transformative changes--not only in those we help, but also in ourselves. Another friend complained. To slow. You never change. But I have taken the first step.
I think the key to moving on is acceptance of the ways things are now. There are somethings you can still do. Change the way you live your life in future. You can also change your job, your home, your car and even your spouse. But there are some things that cannot be changed. You can't change what happened in the past and you can't say I have no cancer. The idea is to focus on now, the present. Don't worry if the past will repeat itself. Lessons will have been learned. No point screaming and kicking what should have been. If possible, remove "should" from the vocabulary and never make a sentence with the word anymore. Forgive myself and move forward.
There will never be a right circumstances because life is not perfect. It's not about perfection but how to live in such imperfect circumstances and make the best out of it. Why are we so obsessed with being right? Because we project an identity image to everyone around us and protect our ego. Even in cancer treatment, we want the right treatment. Is there a right treatment? If I reflect on the important areas, aspects, and relationships in my life right now, I can see how I overly focused on being right so much so things turn out wrong. I suppose the answer to unlock this problem is to be real rather than being right. Being real of my own shortcomings, anger, fear, expectations and everything I do. Live a simpler life and be much happier.
I received an email from a friend and she gave to much credit as if I was a guru. I am just a beginner. Actually, my cancer has brought me awareness and it was a life changing experience for me. A psychologist said it is through service to others that we can most easily produce transformative changes--not only in those we help, but also in ourselves. Another friend complained. To slow. You never change. But I have taken the first step.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I stumbled upon your blog while doing online research on alternative cancer treatments for my friend who was diagnosed with late stage breast cancer. My friend has since moved on but I still visit your blog every single day to see how you are doing with your journey. I learned a lot from you and am still learning not only about cancer and treatments but more importantly on how to live life. You have so much courage, grace and wisdom... I have to thank my dear departed friend for leading me here.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about your dear friend. Thank you for visiting and your kind comments. I am glad you find the blog useful.
DeleteI am also still learning not just about cancer, but about life as well. It's a life long learning process.
Hi Chang,
ReplyDeleteYour latest 2 postings are fantastic. You have explained your philosophy of life and more importantly, what you believe.
Take care.
An addition: I mean together with your comments in the "comments" section.
DeleteDear CT,i salute you for this n3,keep it up. Keep writing the best way you know and believe as you are simply being yourself which is the best way for you and all that you inspire.Take care and God Bless.Fr AL MAL.
ReplyDelete