Cancer patients have only one way to behave that is to be positive most of the time. This is because when one has been diagnosed with cancer, the only thing that keep ringing in the mind is death. It's so difficult to change the way of one's thinking. The other day a friend told me there was this man, aged 79 who had cancer and told his son "I don't want to die". This man was not happy. But if he had chosen to accept his condition, live life to his best, not bothering when the end is coming he would have a much happier time. The students knows that if they study hard, it's highly possible to get straights As. But why are they still not studying? Because it's easy to say.
Just hours ago, I received an email of a reader from India. He related his father's cancer to me and his current condition. He wanted me to give suggestions on what type of other therapies that are less invasive and available to his father. I replied the email with some suggestions. I would only suggest therapies that I would do myself.
Now, I am faced with the same problem of deciding what therapies to do for myself. I have some therapies in mind but not sure if they are correct for me. Why is it so difficult? Because I am afraid to die. I have spoken to my brother and he has given me some pointers but stop short of supporting this or that therapy. I guess when it comes to decision of life and death, there are no friends or close ones who is willing to suggest to me. I am thinking of getting away for a few days to be alone to think what I should to do. Away from my normal routine and the people who surrounds me everyday. I need to have a clear mind because these therapies that I am considering are very new to me. I once read in a cancer book, the cancer patient has to face his or her death alone. It does not matter how many people are by his or her side. As in the past, people, even closed ones are afraid to give their opinion. Maybe they felt that I would not listen to their opinions, so why waste time. A friend even suggested that I don't trust people other than myself when selecting therapy. I guess there are some truth in what they are saying. Maybe I was looking for their approval. If it's inline with what I intend to do. I don't know. Perhaps it's true. This time round, I am really on unfamiliar territory. Come to think of it, the first time was also unfamiliar. I just have to trust my instincts.
Just when I was updating this post, Mariah Carey's Hero was playing in the background. There's a hero. If you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid. Of what you are. There's an answer...
Just hours ago, I received an email of a reader from India. He related his father's cancer to me and his current condition. He wanted me to give suggestions on what type of other therapies that are less invasive and available to his father. I replied the email with some suggestions. I would only suggest therapies that I would do myself.
Now, I am faced with the same problem of deciding what therapies to do for myself. I have some therapies in mind but not sure if they are correct for me. Why is it so difficult? Because I am afraid to die. I have spoken to my brother and he has given me some pointers but stop short of supporting this or that therapy. I guess when it comes to decision of life and death, there are no friends or close ones who is willing to suggest to me. I am thinking of getting away for a few days to be alone to think what I should to do. Away from my normal routine and the people who surrounds me everyday. I need to have a clear mind because these therapies that I am considering are very new to me. I once read in a cancer book, the cancer patient has to face his or her death alone. It does not matter how many people are by his or her side. As in the past, people, even closed ones are afraid to give their opinion. Maybe they felt that I would not listen to their opinions, so why waste time. A friend even suggested that I don't trust people other than myself when selecting therapy. I guess there are some truth in what they are saying. Maybe I was looking for their approval. If it's inline with what I intend to do. I don't know. Perhaps it's true. This time round, I am really on unfamiliar territory. Come to think of it, the first time was also unfamiliar. I just have to trust my instincts.
Just when I was updating this post, Mariah Carey's Hero was playing in the background. There's a hero. If you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid. Of what you are. There's an answer...
Hi Chang,
ReplyDeleteWhether cancer or not, we all die alone.
You didn't mention that people may refrain from advising for fear of offending the other person, especially under very critical, sensitive and difficult circumstances.
Take care.
Hi Chang
ReplyDeleteI am of the opinion that we know ourselves best..and at juncture like this we ourselves need to work on it ourselves. We may ask for opinions and use some of these opinions, discard some of them also and analyze towards a decision which has to come from ourselves. However if one have someone close enough who has been participating in whatever research, knowledge gaining then it may become a team effort.
I do think there is one avenue to consider...to seek guidance from the almighty....
Analyze your current state and review the decision process u took to proceed with HIFU and identify if there were areas that you could need improvement...This sort of help u to gauge ur current ability to make a decision..
End of the day with the blessings of guidance from almighty we have to help ourselves in making the decision..after all the responsibility for our life lies within ourselves.
It is true that we all die alone...also we have to travel the journey of birth alone except our mothers provided the channel....in sickness only we can feel the pain, frustration, the occassional moments of comfort..
Yes being positive helps irregardless of whether in sickness or in our career or in our business....When we are positive, it helps to nurture our strengths to think and act more wisely.
Ai Wee
you said you are "afraid to die". what exactly are you afraid of? if you know where you will be going, you don't have to be afraid.
ReplyDeleteSteve Jobs once said, nobody wants to die to go to heaven.
DeleteEverybody has to die. For me how one dies is most scary. I am afraid of a cancer death, not in death itself.
if the manner of death is what you are afraid of...you need to know that in modern medicine, that process can be managed very well.... one needs to get a good hospice service. sorry for sounding morbid, just trying to help.
ReplyDeleteit is not to say that the purpose of dying is to go to heaven. if one can get pass the fear of the dying process, there really isn't much to be fearful about, except where one will be after that. and the latter is a question of your faith. i see that you don't have a precise grasp of that concept, and probably wouldn't care.
nonetheless, i sincerely hope that the shining light will be on you.
You know, when I was in China after doing my TAE procedure which is to insert a tube via my veins to the kidney tumor blood supply to block the blood flow, I was feeling so painful.
DeleteMy doctors gave me a morphine jab and the pain only reduce a little bit. Morphine is supposed to kill all pain but there I was screaming like a boy.
So I have come to expect that my cancer death may be a painful death even with all the pain medication around.
What is your view on palliative care or hospice services?
DeleteGeorge
Palliative care is a very important element especially in late stage cancer. Many people, myself included have not much experience and therefore organisations like hospice are there to assist. In the event when my day comes, I would most likely engage their services as well.
DeleteI think you should contact Hospis Malaysia about their services. They are experts in symptoms control especially pain management. It is wrong to assume that we use hospice only as a last resort. I believe all cancer patients can benefit from their services. No harm to make enquiry unless you have already done so. Use only those services that you feel comfortable. I believe all their services are free of charge.
DeleteGeorge
Dear George,
DeleteThank you for your concern. I think at this moment, there is no need. My pain from my abdominal area is easily solved by just taking 1 pain killer tablet, just a Panadol will do. Most days I don't even take it because the pain is bearable. I have no pain in other areas other than my right leg.
There are many people who utilises hospice services and at the moment, I feel they can devote their resources to others who needs it more than me until such a time I need it. Anyway, I have the form and registration is quite easy.
My right leg pain is a lumbar spine problem for which I am seeing an orthopedic surgeon for treatment.
In that case you do not need palliative care yet. I hope you will find the right therapy soon. Fighting!
ReplyDeleteGeorge