Lost In Pain

I knew entering into my third year of therapy was not going to be easy, but what I did not anticipate was the pain that I am getting now. I don't remember when was the last time I sat in front of the house. The sky looked gloomy and as I was lowering myself slowly to sit on a wooden stool over looking the garden, I could feel the aches and pains on my legs. There is always a clam before the storm. I could not even sit for 5 minutes as it was too painful on my butt. So, instead I just walked around the little garden. I have been cooked up in the house since I came back from India. Three nights on the slipping pill and still I fell tired. Last night I did not sleep well and maybe it was because I did not take the pain killer.  My average pain score has increased to 5. I postponed my plan to visit the hospital to Wednesday for the scan as I forgot Monday was a public holiday and then see my orthopedic surgeon on Thursday.

As I started to write this post, the rain started to fall. It has been raining everyday, like most days it usually starts to rain in the late afternoons. Like the weather, I also feel gloomy. I am still feeling tired and have been coughing quite a bit due to itchy throat. Everytime I cough, I would shudder in pain because somehow the coughing are linked to the nerve pain on my butt and legs. It gives me an mild electric shock and I am paralised in situ for seconds. There is only one thing on my mind. What am I gonna to do?

Pain attracts negative thoughts. It makes me less logical and makes me feel depressed. I am trying hard to resit or give in. So when an old friend wrote me an email about "Who are the Chinese?", I thought I would read something interesting to get my mind of the pain thingy. There were two recommended books and one of them is called 1434: Year Magnificent Chinese Fleet Sailed to Italy and Ignited the Renaissance by Gavin Menzies. It's supposed to be non fiction book but mostly ignored by professional historians. According to the critics, Menzies use fragments of evidence here and there to support his theory. Still he spent quite a lot of time and money researching this book and the other book 1421: The Year China Discovered America is equally controversial.