Desperado

In my attempt to understand why I am having sleeping problems, I tried to look for articles where cancer patients can't sleep at night. I found in one article that suggest that "Lung cancer patients comprise a subgroup of cancer patients who are most vulnerable to sleep disturbances." Although I am a kidney cancer patient, the tumor has also spread extensively to my lungs. Can I consider myself as part of the sub-group? Anyway, this is what the researches said "Anxiety and depression can be as high as 50 percent in patients with cancer, pointing to the importance for nurses to routinely screen for anxiety and depression." Researcher Dean points out "and while pain and difficulty breathing might have been contributing factors, they were assessed in this study and found not to be significant. Anxiety and sleeplessness can also lead to self-medication," she says. "And when individuals self-medicate their anxiety, they often use alcohol and tobacco."

Obviously, in my case I don't take tobacco nor drink alcohol. Yes, I would agree that anxiety and depression may be causing me not to sleep. I am quite anxious about my upcoming medical surgery in China and also my slight depression due to the leg pain.  I taken for granted that my legs will be able to walk normally. But one day, you find out that it now cannot function normally, not for one week or month, but for a few months, it can be really depressing. Now, four days in a row I could not sleep at night.

You know, when the doctors told me that my cancer has no conventional cure, it scared the hell out of me. OK, I said to myself,  there are still alternatives that maybe able to help me. I have been on alternative therapy for two years now. I think my cancer is slowly progressing. Now, I am thinking I maybe also running out of alternative cures. That creates anxiety as well. But these are things that I will face that eventually, there is really nothing else that can be done. When you are down, the mind can really play tricks.